My Experience With Jesus Christ

Tonight’s teaching was on how “the truth is veiled to those who are perishing“.  I Corinthians 4.

Doesn’t that just break your heart to read?  

It made me want to be sure to tell you what is most important in my life, the glue that holdsthese ‘categories’, interests, talents (what that they may be), time, energy, words, life…together. 

It started when I was, oh, 4-7 years old (time is a little sketchy with memory that old).  I was molested over the course of a few years, I guess.  Tricked.  Cornered.  Locked in.  Connived.  Threatened.  Cornered.

My spirit was wounded.  I was embarrassed.  Ashamed.  Dirty.  Dis-trusting.  Angry.

I fortunately grew up in a Christian home (and this didn’t involve family…I had a very loving and supportive family, thank the Lord).  So, at the same time, I regularly heard at church in sermons from a loving pastor who was very kind to children with many questions, like me:  “God wants you to be holy and pure before Him”. 

At the end of every service, in nearly every invitation, I knew I was already dirty because of things I had done (my own sin–what young girl of two younger, pestering brothers DOESN’T sin…a lot?), and those things that had been done against me.   I wasn’t pure, and I couldn’t get clean from it. 

I didn’t think God would hold what was not my fault against me, really.  No, He was my friend, and I loved Him, and He loved me.  But still, I could not meet his standard, and I was less than holy and less than pure, and it frustrated me.  I  missed out on something so precious to Him~purity. 

I discussed salvation with my Mom a few times, and with my pastor a few others, and I walked the aisle a few times, but, because I was so young, and because I loved Jesus so much, and because I had older cousins I adored getting saved, they wanted to make sure I knew what the deal was all about. 

I was very upset at this and cried many tears over not knowing how to “get it”.    (Now, knowing what I know now about the trauma of making an ill-informed or too early decision, I’m quite glad for the effect of the wait.  It probably taught me importance of waiting for God to reveal things to you.  I’ve forgiven them all for it.  At the time, it seems cruel.) 

But, one Easter, a pastor told about the price Jesus paid for me, and my sin.  Not another person’s sin.  Mine.  How the wrong thoughts, words, and actions on my part (and we all have them, according to the Bible) nailed a perfect man, the son of God, Jesus Christ, to the cross. 

He died, for me–he had to die.  Blood sacrifice from a perfect thing was what has always been required to pay the price for our sin–something standing in the place of us.  Death is the requirement for sin…some sort of death.  (That is why sin was atoned for by the blood of animals in the Old Testament…there was no perfect person to pay the price for us.  It was basically just a cover up until a perfect sacrifice could be found.  And Jesus was that sacrifice, forever ending the need for animal sacrifices).  Jesus was perfect sacrifice.  He knew no sin.  His coming was also an end to the requirements of the Law.  He brought a new order.   But, that’s another story.

This new system of forgiveness meant for me that God no longer saw me through my own sin, or even things that had happened to me.  He didn’t see me for anything I’d done, good or bad.  He saw me through the perfect blood of His son, Jesus.  He sees anyone that way who calls on Him to be the Saviour and Lord of their lives.  (Consequences still must be dealt with on earth, but we can be a friend of God’s and let Him use us and our messes from that point on). 

So, end result:  God now sees me as holy, pure, and innocent before Him.

To a child of eight or nine, you can’t imagine the weight of having something lost restored.  To never again hear the word purity and wonder if I’d never know it.  What joy!  After all the “life” that had already happened, much less all that would.  

And, oh!  The price of it all cost him:  blood, sweat, nail-scarred hands, beatings with shards of glass-like substances on whips.  He did it all for me.  He knew pain.  He knew pain…from me.   And for me.

He knew my heart.  He knew it all.

So, without reservation, Jesus is my hero!  With full knowledge of what it means to need a Savior, He was and is my Saviour.  Fully needing a rescue, He was my rescue.  Not at all holding anything back, I made Him my Lord.  Never questioning for a moment that He was my Friend.  Always relying on Him as my safety at night.  He would be my Protector by day.  No holds barred.  Nothing in between.  Nothing missing.  Nothing broken. 

And… I’ve always wanted to keep on pleasing Him. 

By most people’s standards, I’ve been more mature for my age than most of my friends.  I always guessed knowing how dark life can be, I wanted to be prepared, and I needed to be wise.  Wiser than I’d been.  I was serious; life had dealt seriously with me.  The cost was high, and Jesus had already done enough for me for a lifetime.  Black and white was a little more black and white for me.  I knew the weight of sin, and guilt (both real and false)…and I just didn’t want to feel it anymore than I had to. 

You know, I hope that while I do try to shelter my kids, they can also stand on my shoulders and learn that life can be hard without having to experience it all.  Yet, I don’t know if real learning without some pain is possible.  Trusting God is all I can do.  Do my best and trust Him with the rest, as my godly parents had to do.

People who have not known me in the past, or what I’ve been about, have criticized my life and walk for being a little too PollyAnna, or perhaps not in touch enough with suffering…not enough to know what it’s all about.  People have actually gotten angry about my peace, thinking I came from a Christian home, married a great guy, and had comparitively few scars.  Perhaps they were right.  It’s never worthwhile to compare scars.  Battles are battles, and we all have our scars.

I don’t talk about it and do not share a lot.  Perhaps I have probably not defended the hope that I have enough, or perhaps it is just time.  But, there’s a time for everything under heaven, and it wasn’t my time. 

Oh, yes, here have been times I feel convicted to share part of my experience of Christ with those who needed to hear it.  Tonight, for whatever reasons, is one of those times.

The miracle here is a young girl, still hurting, yet learning to forgive, on her own…with the counsel and help of the Holy Spirit along life’s way.  The miracle is a girl learning to become wise, and releasing people to God’s dealing, that Christ would become real to them, heal, and keep them from hurting others.  The miracle is a child not bitter and cynical, though perhaps more guarded and speculative (both a positive thing and a challenge).  

I have also prayed that the Lord would continue to deal with me as I need it.  Many women…stats say one in three, are in need of healing.  A big number. 

Yes, it’s not all over.  There are times I remember things, fairly often, for whatever reasons, and I hurt, or disgusted, or angry.  But, I know where to take it….right back to the same saving cross.  I have recently asked to see where Jesus was in those times, and He has shown me his hand, and help and presence to protect.    

Jesus was my answer, my solution, my source,  my all.  Still is.  Jesus had put people in my path to help me all along the way, to respect the healing process.

I write this to say:  whatever problem you are facing (and there have been many that have come my way since) there is no greater solution or help that I have found in all my years, no matter what my problem.  My Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ–not only died for me, He now lives in me.  Comfort, help in time of need, song, strength, solution.   I need only to wait on Him.

I hope to occasionally post parts of my walk with Christ under “My Experience of Jesus Christ” in the Categories. 

Note to readers:  you may have shared similar experiences as I have.  God leads us to share about these at different times and ways.  Don’t give Satan any glory by whether or not you choose to share in any given situation.  I am not sure why I felt led to share tonight, but I did.  I am not sure how the post long it will stay up, but it is here for now, for the one who needs it, if it is only practice for me. 

Blessings to you, friends.

Feel free to email me me with any questions you may have regarding Christ Jesus.   Due to the delicate topic, and due to my discomfort discussing it in general, comments will be closed on this post.  But, feel free to talk with me privately by email if you wish.