More “not feeling good”. I can’t remember the last time I felt good. It was late November, I think. Trying to trust you, to watch my limits, to rest, to enjoy the down time. Yet, angry with my body, with getting hit time after time after time, after time, after time. Not feeling understood. Hurting.
Continually asked to take new commitments. Big commitments. Not sure how to respond. Trying to “pray first”. Wanting to listen. A little “stopped up”. Not sure i cuold hear if I wanted to…even from you. Unsure how to know when is “too much”. I don’t know. Needing answers soon. Today, even. If I am the best you’ve got, Lord…
Tired of comfort food, of reserving energy, of not pursuing health. Yet, enjoying the little blessings that come with the limits: getting scrapbooks caught up, going slower.
Resting more…exposed to more “culture”. So sick of it. Sick of the lack of realistic ways to raise a family in the midst of it. The girly stuff, the disrespect to me and my family. Tired of constantly “filtering”. Tired of trying to keep up.
Feeling like the minority, knowing I’m probably the silent majority. Tired of the silent majority. Lose-lose.
Today…perspective is narrow, joy is suffocated, tears are close, frustration is high.
Seeking you. Trying to draw away. Get still. Adjust my attitude. See how I can respond instead of just sitting on frustrations. Getting to the place of trusting you to be bigger than problems, than culture, than limitations, than fears. Seeking vision. Timing. You.
Come, Lord Jesus.