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February 23, 2009 at 10:07 am 1 comment

I’m at a different place today than I was a year ago.

I’m not sure that I can articulate it in a writing or a post.  I just know that things are different.

I know that I’m needed to be available here more, to have meals ready, to create “routine” and “order” and “flow”–not perfection, but good, well-executed effort and forethought.

I know that I’m needed to be in balance myself:  rested, eating well, and striving toward personal goals of fitness and good spiritual and mental health–if I’m not where I need to be…my family is not where it needs to be.  I suffer with less headaches and stress when I go to bed early (I am SO a late night person…love it, convince myself I need it!).  I do better when I eat less raw sugar, and eat more whole foods.  My body and mind feed better, I am on less “buzz”, I have less times of “coming down”, I have fewer headaches.  I feel less tired.  I exercise more disciplines in other areas when I’m disciplines in this area.

I’m trying, by the grace and help of God, which I pray for very regularly.  Well, I say “pray”, but honestly, “beg” is probably a much better word.  I want to be who I need to be, not only to give glory to God, not only to be what I’m made to be…but, mainly, now, at this point in the journey, so those around me can be who they need to be…those I love most, and who are most near and dear to me.  This is a big jump–to change personal habits, eating, sleep preferences so that I can be who I need to be for the group.  It is a dying to self.  It is a new perspective given to me, not one I am making.  The changes have been happening before I knew why they are happening, actually.  I just see the effects, and I thank God for doing something…some “things”, I have been unable to do on my own for many years.  I think the goals and scriptures, and prior striving probably play a part in how much easier it seems now, but ultimately, on top of it all, I still cannot do it without Him.  I am too “me”.  Not that “me” is bad…it is just filled with many preferences, and rationalizations, and learning that he has to deal with.

I read a scripture yesterday while sitting in church.  It said that if you examined yourself (before taking the Lord’s supper is the context), the Lord would not judge you as harshly, but if you did not examine yourself, that he would judge you more harshly (I Corinthians 11:27-32).  The passage wasn’t referring to the ultimate judgment after death, but a discipline and judgment here on earth that showed itself in sickness and/or weakness.  So, I guess God does allow those two things to humble us when we refuse to admit where we are.  No, that doesn’t mean that anytime we are weak and sick that it is a result of un-confessed sin, but it does confirm that God can use times of sin and weakness to humble us, slow us down, get us quiet, and have opportunity to deal with us.  It’s the same principle, I think, as that of “grounding” a child.  An imposed time set aside to pull away and get quiet and let God speak.   I know God has used them at times in my life when I needed to slow down and rest or just change course, or have time to “reset“.

It was interesting to me, though, that if we examined ourselves, he is more gentle with us. He wants us to be looking, and trying, and striving on our own.  He doesn’t want to have to do it all for us.  He wants us to look and see if the fruit in our lives is lining up, or if we need to work in some areas, perhaps even confess to other people and seek help.  Many of you have probably had times with a child when you said, “I know you were in a tight spo.  Perhaps you were afraid to tell me, but if you had only come to me, I could have helped you!  Don’t be so afraid of my punishment that you move away from opportunities I have to teach you what you need to know and help you make it through those times!”

I have.

Right now, I am inclined to look at myself.  To confess.  To try to deal with things.  To seek help.

We don’t have to make mountains out of mole-hills, but we do need to live honest lives, true to ourselves and to the God within us.

—-

With all that heavy thinking that comes from a week of heavy parenting and self-reflection as a result, today’s agenda is chicken pot pie (the chicken is pretty much ready to get in the oven now and I’ve been ot the store for ingredients this morning already–yeah!), rice, and milk.  It’s a hearty meal with veggies and bread already in it, so that will be it.  Lunch for me:  (unknown due to a need to be out of the house, working on that plan to keep up healthier less sugar and white breads I’m working on). I feel SO much better and level all day.  It’s wonderful.

Today:  helping the kitchen crew with the chain saw ministry.  People right now are here from South Carolina in disaster relief efforts to help with tree-limb clean up from the storm.  They are here from long distances, in the freezing cold, ministering.  It’s 25 degrees here today.  They’ve been here about a week.  Four more people are possibly coming today, and possibly a new team, or a second team tomorrow.

An angelic kitchen crew has been working through the storm, and now to help feed the crews.  I’m just now getting things settled enough to volunteer.  I hope I can a few days this week, barring home emergencies.

Though I can blog less, God is refreshing me and filling me with new energy from you.  One day last week, one of you sent me a new worship CD from an artist you know I love that just came out.  {humbled–it sang me to sleep last night when I couldn’t get to sleep with too much on my mind}.  Another day, one of you dropped me a beautiful and cheery card.  {smiling still}.  Yet one more day, one of you dropped a package in the mail with some fresh scrapbooking supplies, for dreaming of “me” time.  {tickled pink}.  A couple of you “heard me out” and gave me a pep talk, a smile, courage, hope.  Trials have rolled lately, and I’m still learning to roll with them.  Without the ever-presence of God, above all, I would be so very lost.  He keeps me singing.

I love you all.  Thanks for seeing, thanks for blessing.  Thanks for doing that little bit more that raises my head and causes me to take a breath of fresh air from a higher climate.  It goes a long way.

Wherever you are, many blessings to you this week as you “pursue” those things that bring glory to him:  righteousness, faith, purity, love, grace…may they ever more be yours as you seek Him.

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Entry filed under: Commitment, Daily Magnanimity, Family, Kids, Prayer, Sprituality.

Thursday Stuffs Paula Dean Work-A-Round Bliss

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Stacey  |  February 23, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    I have missed you. In blogland and in real life.

    Praying for you!

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ME: “MAGGIE”

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I am married to the love of my life, as we raise three children, learning the ways of grace.

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Magnanimity (derived from the Latin roots magn- great, and anima, soul) is the virtue of being great of mind and heart. It encompasses, usually, a refusal to be petty, a willingness to face danger, and actions for noble purposes. Its antithesis is pusillanimity. Both terms were coined by Aristotle, who called magnanimity "the crowning virtue."

Noah Webster's 1828 Dictionary of the American Language defines Magnanimity as such:

MAGNANIM'ITY, n. [L. magnanimitas; magnus, great, and animus, mind.] Greatness of mind; that elevation or dignity of soul, which encounters danger and trouble with tranquillity and firmness, which raises the possessor above revenge, and makes him delight in acts of benevolence, which makes him disdain injustice and meanness, and prompts him to sacrifice personal ease, interest and safety for the accomplishment of useful and noble objects.[1] (Source: Wikipedia)

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