Most Sundays for as long as I can remember, I write some sort of “Sunday Review”.
Lately, Sundays are different.
God always ends up blessing me, touching me. But, lately…the flesh has been weak. We’ve been proud of the work on the house, but tired at the same time. Even Sundays have been catchup days, running as hard as we can. I’ve let The Hub take this cycle of activity while I try to tend to the kids and rest…but this weekend, I’ve dropped the ball countless times wanting my back to heal and be rested. He went out and got my refill on muscle relaxers today, and hopefully that will help the knot ease. It is already helping after five hours.
I got to dance a dance with my husband last night, and just those precious moments of fun and smiles and rest were so sweet to me.
I was counseling with someone today…the dear one wanted to be at peace so that they could minister God’s peace. I found myself saying words that I myself needed to hear: “We sometimes minister best out of places of weakness.” Strong in the spirit, yet realizing that we are human.
The spirit thanks God for his provision and help and protection, while flesh rattles, shakes, aches, trembles, breaking down. What is it with that paradigm?
Perhaps we learn to endure when the experience of the flesh does not match with the peace of the Spirit.
And perhaps the Spirit has not really found it’s true reinforcement, deeply rooted in us, or the flesh would walk in the truths there more aptly. Oh! I long to be that tree, planted by streams of water, who, when seasons of drought comes, does not whither or faint, but simply keeps on bearing fruit, doing what it knows to do, and letting that be enough. I’m sure I’m further along than I used to be, and take comfort in that. But, I long for more rooted-ness, and, as I type, realizing I’m probably too niave to realize the trials it would take to “root me”!
Until then, I’m so thankful for moments of joy this weekend. Moments where God’s grace was enough. Moments where I was not strong, but I felt his help. Moments where He himself was my strength, my joy, my attempts, my hope, my help, my rescue, my relief.
When I SO blow it, as I often do…short-tempered, flustered, aching, needy: Oh, Lord! fill in my gaps, and make me stronger as soon as you can. I’m weary. Keep refreshing me. Be near.
A favorite book of mine is “31 Days of Praise”, author, Ruth Myers, also a favorite. She writes out of scriptures to help us develop hearts of prayerful, submissive praise, even in times when it is hard.. “Waiting on God to make us all He wants us to be” is one of the toughest places at times for me personally. Her prayer on that topic, as I recall it is: “Lord, I trust you to make me all you want me to be, in your time…in a second, or gradually, if you choose. I trust you to change me as quickly as possible when my weakness can no longer be used for your glory. Help me to patiently trust in and wait on you in the meantime, not so hung up on my faults, frailties, short-comings, bad-habits, and ‘self’ in general that I miss you and the glorious journey you have planned for me.”
I find myself singing this today on that theme:
“Jesus, you are, you are…
Everything I’m not…
and everything that I hope to be…
Jesus, you are, you are…
The Maker of my heart…
Finish what you started in me”
The key word of my season seems to be “TRUST”. Not to say I trust the Lord, or to sign my name, or sign up, or take the class, but to truly, solidly trust the Lord with all that is in and around my life. To rest in his heart for me. To rest in his love. To rest in his protection. To TRUST. To bank everything on it. No holding back, no reservations, no doubting him or myself to a fault. To lean on him, trust him, rely on him, fall on him, walk with him, and learn from him. But, to be solid, firm, and steadfast in it…not wavering, not shifting, not second-guessing, worrying, or doubting.
Well, I’m starting to sound like an amplified Bible, so I’ll stop with the truths that need time to settle on my spirit instead of just pouring out fingers.
I close this, as I sometimes do on Sunday reflections, with comments closed. Thanks for enjoying my prayers and thoughts and time with the Lord, reflecting on my Sunday this evening. Thank you for the sense of quiet, here at 12:45, as we finish Olympic watching and fall into bed far too late.
Blessings to you in Christ our Lord.
Entry filed under: Sundays.