Friday…Alive & Kicking

My phone line and internet have been down since yesterday some time.  I’m alive and kicking.

We are getting a lot of snow and hope to go sledding tomorrow.  We may even get Mamaw out here and see if she can keep from breaking the sled on the rocky slope! 

Boy Wonder asked out of the blue today, “Will Mamaw ever want to go and be with Pop in Iraq?”  while we were snowed in watching TV.  Goldilocks was there, so I turned down the volume and said, “What makes you ask that?”  He said, “I heard her talking on the phone with Pop about it the last time I had a sleepover and I was thinking about sleepovers again and meant to ask you last time.”

I explained that married couples don’t need to be separated long periods of time if they could help it and they really missed each other.  They said, “I don’t want her to go, it’s been hard enough with Pop gone.”  The other said, “Yeah, me neither.  I don’t want her to go.”

I said, “Well, she really, really misses her husband.  Married people really need to be together if they can, so it could happen if he decides to stay for a while.”

They said, “Is he deciding to stay?”

I said, “Well, he really felt like he was of a lot of use there and so he may very well.”

“And then Mamaw would go, too?”

“It’s very possible that she would.  Now, who wants pizza for lunch?”

“ME!” 

“Me, too!  What kind?!”

So, I’m SO thankful to have Stage 1 covered with the older two without even having to brace myself for it.  God is good.  I hated to bring it up at bedtime, but my bringing it up at anytime felt too much if she ends up not going for some reason.

I’m praising God. 

Yesterday Cindy stopped by to pray and then Stacey kidnapped me for the Peebles big one day sale and lunch at Sonic…cheesesticks!!!!  My first all year, I think!

Then, I finally got the phone working and Misty is having deep pain in her back!  Who-hoo!  Baby Zack may be here soon! 

Then, I got online and had about nine prayers and beautiful comments from yesterday’s post to read all back to back.  That was so special.  This morning with no net, I ran a long, hot bath and listened to a CD I’d burned the other day for Cheryl.  I found a lot of peace from it myself.  I’m feeling very refreshed, a little short at times, but refreshed in Him. 

I know God is in control.  And I thank Him. 

Mags 

My Mom Is Seriously Considering Going to Iraq

for a year or two.  Or more.

She came by to talk to me yesterday.

I listened, and then threw a good hissy fit at no one in particular.  It just seemed a good thing to get out of my system.

My throat is still sore from my session yesterday.  I probably won’t repeat it.  My eyes stung like needles were hanging from every eyelash pour.  I’ve just gotten over my headache.  

I just needed to just get it over with while I had a few hours to myself, before I have to deal with the emotions of kids.  

There is just something about the phrase: ”My Mom is going to Iraq for a year or two” that gets to a person, especially when you have two family members in that general vacinity already:  pop, and my youngest brother. 

As she told me, I thought to myself very relevant thoughts like: “That candle is crooked over there.  I want to go straighten it, but that would be rude…I need to sweep the floor today…what about this weather, it might snow this week {tearing up, and stopping the flow}.“ 

Anything to divert attention from the conversation that was unfolding in front of me.  Mom was gracious, calm, and obviously in the middle of God’s will for now, even as her mouth swollen from dental work on four teeth at one time, preparing, now I realize.

She is seriously considering it, having prayed about several specific provisions that have fallen into place. 

We don’t know the date, but… here we go, on another huge journey of faith. 

Last week when my step-Dad left again for Iraq, I delayed my own emotion until my Mom and my daughter were stable.   I was trailing behind.  A hormonal week anyway, and I just sank into it, relishing a week with Upward Basketball season over.  It actually felt good to just sit and watch home decorating shows and let tears fall, with no thoughts at all to bring them on.  Accumulated stress was falling from my eyes, and I let it.  I took a “slow week”.  Bro. Ray often says, “Tears are said to cleanse the soul.” I was going to be squeaky clean before the week was up.  Now? I’ll probably be antibacterial, too! 

If you are going to deal with hard news, I think sometimes God is most merciful when He just gives a bunch of hard stuff at one time!  Why ruin a whole season with it?  That’s my logic–seems to help.

In Iraq, there are efforts of “re-building” that are not specifically military.  If the military pulls out over the course of the next year or two, where does that leave these “re-builders”?   Who takes care of the land mines as they travel the roads?  How safe are they?  I have no clue.  None of us do.

Still, somehow today, by the grace of God, I know, I have better perspective.  Except that I feel  naseated overall and I really have no inclination to want to eat.   Seems to me that feeling you have after a car wreck, or a diagnosis.  You are faced with what you cannot control, how fickle life can be, unexpected.  And it scares the daylights out of you pretty much.   

I go back and forth between wanting to busy myself with something or someone, and just wanting to let the day pass here as normal.  Both are needed. 

Breathing seems a good thing to concentrate on.

These are all things my mom has wrestled with since August.  “Should I stay busy? Or sit and cry?  Or both?”  Usually both when she could…work when she had to.  It’s been admirable.

I suppose it is my turn. 

I had given no thought that this journey might go on for several more YEARS.  But, it is.

Someone described it yesterday as ”a jolt”, another “a shock”.  Both  good words. 

My perspective is good overall:  given their variables, it’s for the good.  Pop is loving it there with the people, the races, the work.  And, they should be together long-term if they can.  It will be an adventure.  It will be an opportunity.  I have excitement for them experiencing life together.  But, let me just be clear:  it IS my Mom.

I know that anyone would feel the same mixture of polar emotions, worries, and concerns I have.  The sense of loss is extraordinary.  But, it seems God’s will and I rest knowing that His will is His best for us all.  I have peace in that–deep down, below the river of tears that washes over it all.  Trust in Him will soon harness emotions for the most part.    (Read more on finding God’s will at The Well this week if you are interested.)

Mom will get to come back and see grandkids every 4 months.  That’s good.  Her youngest sister and husband want to go to Iraq with them as a group to give them all a sense of community.  My brother may use their house for a while.  That’s good.  She is skilled for the office work they need.  That’s good.  Things seem to be falling into place.

I’ll borrow a much-used modern phrase that seems to articulate my thoughts best:  “It’s just a whole lot to wrap my head around.” 

I’m not particularly fond of those types of heart-wrenching, weeping, hugs with my Mom.  She is Santa, the Easter Bunny, and The Tooth Fairy, all rolled into one.  I’m not so great at those things.  But, hugs like yesterday’s make Moms what they are, absorbers of the pains and trials of life.   

I could go on for some time and not have all the words and thoughts in me expressed, but I just wanted to share the gist of it, and say thank you for continued prayers as we seek God’s will and walk forward by strength…with your help.