‘Tis the Season for Zits and Canker Sores

Is it the excess chocolate, citris fruit, stress, poor eating, dry heat (less body moisture), less sleep, different soap that causes extra zits and cancer sores this time of year? 

I wonder these things about this time every year and still…no conclusions, just … irritation.

Feed it Reese’s

In about a four hour time period last night, I got sick.  Again. 

My throat…it hurts.  A lot. 

I can hardly swallow (except for chocolate.  I have no trouble with Reese cups, as of yet…if it starts to slide down-hill from there, I’ll be sure to let you know.  )

As always, prayers, funny cards, and good humor appreciated during this every-so-trying season.  The mere cold.  What a people squasher.

And so, the viral season has begun.  One day on, three days off…one day on…(can somebody crank up the fire and get me a comfie blankie and a pillow, please?)  Oh, never mind, I just had a nap.  It didn’t work, for those of you jealous at work.  Now, I just have a headache (the swimmy, “don’t-move-your-head-or-head-may-just-slide-right-off-your-neck” kind.  I don’t like that kind.  I don’t really like anykind, but that kind…it makes a person naseated to move…especially when you’ve only eaten Reese’s cups, I dare say. 

I’m finished with that fine blogging now. 

Hey…go enjoy the slideshow again. 

I’m working on another one to use up all my pics so I can delete them off my hard-drive.  But, it didn’t go so quickly today.  Nothing is going so quickly today.  Except time.  I’ll go pick up my kids in  only three minutes.  (Today, I am not greatly anticipating “the pick-up”, as much as I love the little cherished, hungry, noise-makers from my womb.  Did I mention a head sliding off headache and can’t swallow-ness?  It’s really pretty pathetic.  Trust me.  If you say, “Oh, it’s a cold?”, I may be able to conjure up enough to spit, so take heed.  It just HAS to be worse than a cold.  {ouch}) 

So, what’s REALLY up with you today in this “thankful” season?  Comment or email.  I’ll commiserate.

Some Days The Mornings Scare Me

What the Fruit Gets Difficult is the 10 week challenge today.

You ain’t kiddin’.

The most unusual string of activities happen for me between the hours of 6AM and 9AM.  It usually takes me until 11AM to recover.  Whew.  Motherhood.

I bribed my kids with pancakes today to get them to take morning baths because we are having company and…they all needed one.  I woke up sick.  I wanted to get the dog to pee (we are keeping her up on the back porch at nights because she doesn’t bark there).  She pee-ed on the deck twice this week.  Apparently us yelling at her not to bark during supper time has caused her to not bark for important things…like “I REALLY need to go pee.”  So, now I have to un-do what I just did.  Story of our lives.

I sprayed Windex on the two pee spots because I heard once that covers the smell so that they don’t stake the territory for pee-ing the future.  We’ll see about that. 

I made the mistake of pouring her food into her bowl WHILE getting her to do the rest of her business…mistake number 2.  She couldn’t get over the food to go do the business, so I had to run her all over the yard in my robe to try to get her worked up enough to let go of it. 

Then, I needed to cook the pancakes.  But, I found child #3 dressed, unbathed, smiling at me like he was proud.  This was not the goal.  Only the child HATES light in the morning as much as his mother for the first half hour.  So…we had to turn off all the lights in the bathroom for the other three people in there to get him bathes.  This is where I insert praise for Hubby, who took care of that war for me.

Enter Boy #1 into the kitches, who tries to have meaningful conversation with me WHILE I’m trying to not burned the chocolate chip pancakes.  Maybe I’m an anomoly here, but I cannot have any conversation going on while I cook.  My brain is just needed in full gear.  I tell him this…twice.  And he asked me the same question again.  I think the same thing that took over my phone two days ago and switched it to a foreign language also attacked parent to child communcations.  I’m speaking English, but they are receiving Turkish, or something.  If I only knew their language, I could learn it.  Seeing as how much phone is not fixed yet, changes are I’m just going to have to keep pushing their buttons, too.

I decide to put Boy #3 to work setting out plates…he takes my rotating pretty platter party stand (already out for birthday party Saturday), moving the third leg to meet the second leg absent-mindedly to make room for the pancake plates.   Think on that for a second.  I wish he would have.  I throw my spatula into the air, tell him to not move it, send the platter on the stand flying, and rescue flying plastic fruit and pottery. 

I said, “Son, I told you to go to the other side and not move the stand.”

Reply:  “You think I did that?”

Wrong answer.  

I yell with my “yell at the dog” voice, “YES!  YOU DID DO IT!  WHY DO YOU THINK THERE ARE PLASTIC APPLES FLYING?  LISTEN to ME!!!!!” 

Dad intervenes at this point saying, “Hey!  Hey.”

There’s just a point where you need to yell, people. 

We eat pancakes.

I go dry girl’s hair, wrap gifts for today’s shin-dig, skip clothes, and yell for everyone to get in the van. 

No jacket’s on, shoes still not on, toothbrushes everywhere, lights on, back in the house three times to get things that were supposed to be done.” 

I’m slamming doors intentionally very hard by this point, yelling about responsibility.

“Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.”  If he was near to me today, he got an earful, that’s for sure.   Today was not the day for incentives and lists and gold stars and gentle voices…it’s a day to say, “Mom has company on the way and a lot on her hands, I think I’ll just do what I’m told today instead of playing pin-ball on the computer and asking her how to fix the program and talking to her while she is making pancakes after cleaning up dog pee, while rescuing flying fruit.”

But, no.  These thoughts do not enter children’s heads.   The growing frustration is just like a TV show to them…little impact.  They just keep walking around it. 

Fortunate for me, helpful thoughts entered The Hub’s head.  He helped them clean upstairs last night, for which I am eternally grateful.

I’m just glad I got them to school to go in the back, as I still had my PJs and fuzzy robe on.  I’ve never done that before, but Melissa B. said she did it all the time, and today was a day to walk in her shoes.  So, I got home, checked ARC mail (Campus Crusade for Christ on-line ministry I always do first when I get home–love that opportunity, ask me about it), counseled with a p*orn star “dark angel” girl who really needs to sense Jesus today…pray for her, and some guy whose been wronged financially, both having suicidal thoughts. 

I got clean and dressed and am looking at pancake disaster to get cleaned up.  I’m realizing a Wal*Mart and a Kroger trip are needed today, despite early week preparations.  I forgot to burn the trash before I showered.  

But, dang it…the spots are off my carpet, and the front room is clean, and things are pretty manageable over-all. 

Immediately, I need to run cold meds forgotten back up to the school, while there, get yearbooks paid for, pay for school order received, pay lunch account, pay credit card bill.  Then, fix a computer, buy more potatos, clean clothes off the guest bed, do two loads of laundry, and hopefully read a few Psalms.  I’ll need them by then, I’m sure.  Some might just say “do chores”, but that sounds so elusive. 

Motherhood.  It’s a good thing you don’t have to be in the mood for it or be perfect at it.  You just have to apologize a lot and make a lot of lists some days.

Why Your House Needs To Get Messy

I love  Pottery Barn’s colors and ads…they just make me so happy.  I’ve never bought a thing and find them overpriced as a whole, but the colors and patterns just make me go “Ahh”.

I don’t like business situations.  They drain a house and a family and…I’m just really getting cranky with the added stresses.  So cranky today it is not even funny.  I was going to fast about it, and pray, get on top of it.  But, I decided that fasting would make me even more cranky, and I do NOT need to be one iota more cranky.  So, Golden Grahams and I sat on the porch and enjoyed the cool day.

Sigh.

I suppose a clean house might cheer me up.  Which, in my world, is the whole reason for house cleaning, to cheer you up from the chaos when life gets too chaotic.  Dang it!  I can’t control anything else, but I can sure control my house.  It will look FINE!  All ordered and neat and tidy for as long as I need to leash it  (which is why a house should not be clean all the time, because then you would have nothing easy to change and improve when life is out of control).

Tell that to Mrs. FlyLady!

Feeling Allergetic

Today was a very tiring day.  My throat stung all day, eyes burned…very tired and lethargic.  I downed Sudafed and Claritin today, knowing from the morning’s walk that my throat wasn’t going to get better on it’s own.  OUCH!

High winds blew leaves into the pool all day.  The sun evaporated the water= not circulating well= green.  Needed sweeping a couple times.  I backwashed it, swept it, swept it again, and cleaned the filter of leaves THREE times!   Though the heat makes us want to leave it open, maintenance is getting so costly.  If leaves fall early, we will simply have to close it early.  And what a shame, too!  The children love to play with Daisy from the pool.  Their evening swims are such a delight.   I think they enjoy it now more than they did all summer.

I baked some more Cinnabon rolls to try to take to all the children’s teachers tomorrow.  The each have three teachers a piece, so I’ll need seven large rolls, and hopefully some extra for office staff.  All so helpful to us. 

Every day still feels awkward and new…but exciting and full of promise. 

Little Annoying Things

People who talk with their mouth open are getting on my nerves.  Not that I never do it.  But, my son does it ALL the time right now, to be specific, when we are with company, mostly.  He’s usually a wonderful kid.  But, honestly.  What to do with him? 

Second annoying thing:  my kids also like to ask me a dozen questions while I am trying to do business or check out.  This is starting to throw me immediately into Mommy Rage.  Time for a better plan.

Example:  last night, I told each of them at the check out spot at Subway:  ”Be Quiet.  Be Quiet.  Be quiet!”  quite loudly, turning around in a line of like 15 or 60 people or so, tapping each on the head. 

Everyone in the store got quiet.   

I couldn’t hear Whispering Teenager Checkout Dude who didn’t know how to ring up kid’s meals.  Perhaps he thought that if he whispered, any errors would then be my fault for not “listening” well. 

I said to Mr. WTCD (see last paragraph and read slowly), “I would just LOVE to hear you, but I can’t.”  I then turned around with the “BE QUIET!”  drill. 

This was after a day at Six Flags, mind you. 

I’m generally not quite so overt. 

Not generally…often. 

But, sometimes. 

Okay, well, actually, it’s always like Six Flags all day around here–no excuses.   

I probably embarrassed my soft-spoken friend, several people behind me in line.  I tried to act like I didn’t know her, and bought her a fresh Krispy Cream before we left.  She might go out in public with me again, I don’t know.  She already got two of us into Kentucky Kingdom for free, so…I suppose I’ve sucked all the good out of that relationship for a while anyway. 

Just kidding, Sarah.

Annoying Factor #3:  going out every day for minutia.  A person should not be forced to go out to do silly and redundant tasks.  Why waste time every day getting ready to “go out” when it is quite unnecessary.  (Keep reading for detail…which I’m sure you are chomping at the bit to read).

Annoying Irritation #4:  School.  Paperwork. 

I have to call the eye doctors office and tell them I lost all three children’s eye exams.  I’m sure I’ll be on their list of annoying things… if they blog.  That’s okay with me.  They’ll probably charge me to make me copies.  That would actually be annoying enough to make annoying thing #5, as annoying thing number 500 was eye exams on a day when my kids were scheduled to go to a waterpark.  Yeah.  I got up at 5:30 and was still late getting to the eye apointment, because I had to vaccuum the pool first, because there was a HUGE storm throwing lovely leaves all over the freshly shockened pool that hubby kindly asked me to get out before we paid to go swim somewhere else.  And I’m supposed to keep up with paperwork on a day like that?

 #6 is the baseline problem of having to have current eye exams on your children’s school records when they have proven to have 20/20 vision, no headaches= perfectly normal.  (“But, we look behind the eye and check for lazy eye syndrome…it can’t be corrected later“).  My kids don’t have lazy eye!  I look at them.  No lazy eye.  Pay ME for the diagnosis!   

Teachers who don’t take care of students by looking them at any time during the school year and nor do some parents…so I have to take all three of mine because they have normal, 20/20 vision. 

So, for all negligent adult parents and teachers out there, we’ve had premature eye exams.  I should just put a note in their charts that I refuse, but that doesn’t get us off on the right foot. 

 #7, while we are here…I ALSO got to take two of my children to the doctor to tell them they are healthy.  The doctor asks ME how they are.  I say fine.  Doctor says, “Good”…again, I do not get paid for this.  I just get a note in my kids school records saying I am a responsible parent.  I already know I am responsible.  I might even be wise if I didn’t take my kids to the doctor when they were WELL.   “Well visits”…this brings up another pet peeve.  So stupid at some stages of life.  I stopped taking my third baby for “well visits” unless they were due a shot.  Honestly, the child is growing, we are feeding…we are fine–note:  except on the days when we had to go to the doctor, in which case, things fell apart.  Didn’t take a rocket scientist for me to get “the drill” by the third child.  Skip well visits.  I know, there are children who need the screening and all that…I’m just saying…it gets redundant by the third child and makes me want to stomp my feet at whomever invented it.  It just didn’t work for me.

So, back to the present, I’m adding up:  threedoctor’s visits, two eye doctors visits, four trips to the school, sanity lapses, childcare issues, bills, and worrying.   Now I need to go to the doctor for an ulcer I didn’t have BEFORE.  Ding!  Ding! 

 Just kidding.  I don’t have an ulcer. 

This is blogging at it’s finest, I have no doubt.

I think we are done here.  Perhaps you can just shake your head along with me.  I should start a revolution, I suppose, but I probably couldn’t get all the paperwork done to pull it off.

UPDATE:  I FOUND THE EYE FORMS!  PRAISE GOD!  (DOING AWAY WITH FINES AND UTTER HUMILIATION AND A ONE HOUR ROUND TRIP AND GROVELING!  YA-HOO!  THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Sunday–Thank You for your timely words…

The fruit of righteousness will be PEACE the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence FOREVER.

Isaiah 32:17 (NIV)

Lord, thank you for a nap.  Thank you for Tylenol.  Thank you for fresh and delicious [!!!!!! WOW] corn from the garden, first time today…you should be very jealous (even if you don’t like corn on the cob). 

Lord, thank you for the challenge of your word. 

Peace. 

Quiet… inside and out. 

Confidence….forever.

Again….17And the effect of righteousness will be peace [internal and external], and the result of righteousness will be quietness and confident trust forever. (Isa. 32:17 AMP)

Lord, thank you for different versions of your word, and for verses that hit my mind “at just the right time” to re-minister and bring focus to me.  Thank you for note cards from days past read and re-read that spring to mind when I’m needy. 

Thank you for opportunities to serve and love you to the fullest.  Over and over…that is the joy! 

Thank you for your deep pleasure and abiding joy over us…and in us. 

Thank you for the indwelling love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlness, and self control that are the fruit of the Spirit…YOU!!!

You reign.  You reign.  You REIGN!  Keep reigning, and reign me in!

How good it is when you do! 

Continue to reign!  As you will. 

YOU REIGN.

Mulling Me

You know what I love about reading other people’s blogs? About the time I think I have nothing to write about and nothing to say and I’m the least interesting person on the earth, someone writes something, and it’s not even that the “thing” hits me directly, but their passion, and open-ness, and truth just taps that untapped part of me that itches…not the kind of itch that you know right where it is and can scratch it…no, the overall sort of fuzzy itching that just lays latent, begging for that kind of dog-ear scratching a dog needs and basks in, even if he wasn’t really itching at the time.  

What reading today brought out of me in my little “sit down spell” (after cleaning the porch and seeing a zillion things around here I’m behind on) was that I’m feeling a fuzzy-itchy, almost disappointed, but too-blessed-to-be-disappointed “thing”.

Why? I don’t yet know. I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing, all the time. I’m utterly passionate about ALL of it, and there is no better way to work than to do things because you absolutely love them from the depths of your heart!  THAT is BLESSED!  And… there is nothing greater than being able to limit yourself to try to keep priorities in line with family!  AND…I have no real desire or need at this time “to work”, thank God.  (I can’t say that I do the “home” thing well either, my mind just runs all the time, looking for energy outlets, but I love the position, and I think they are keeping me for a while).

But, just for the thinking, I was driving home today from teaching and I thought to myself:

Self, did you realize that this year, you’ve driven 60 miles a day, volunteered at least 20 hours a week (not including blogging and peripheral ministry to friends and such, not including mothering and wife-ing, which are , in essence, volunteer time.)  You have a double major, graduated with a 4.0, were the first in your college class, you are 33, and you still do not make a dime.  And, that’s okay, but is that they way you always want to live?

I have just been thrilled to be past “toddler years” with my young ones and have some time of my own to give this year, so the 20 hours felt GREAT!  They rounded me out.   But, on the other hand, it’s costing me to work.  Repeat, I drive 60 miles a day.  And, that’s okay, because I chose it, and it chose me…and that’s what I wanted: availability, not required service.  I can pull back at any time and be home with sick kids or available for hubby errands.  I need that connection to my family (as sketchy as I am at say, keeping the laundry room organized.)

But, the year is almost over, and I guess it’s the season of the year for dreaming about next year’s possibilities/goals/wonder where God is leading, guiding, pointing?  This year has all been very fulfilling. It’s kept my brain growing and active–I have no doubt God will use the investment, as He’s already done, and I love to keep giving.  This year, I’ve taught business math, algebra I, algebra II, Sunday School, have been in praise band, and have been engaged around the world with ministry opportunities.

It’s truly been the most awesome year of my life!   I think God has been somewhat weaning ME out of the toddler years and back into what it is to be “me”:  shaping me, awakening my heart to new strengths and gifts and talents I didn’t know I had.

It’s been said that you can’t “outgive” God. I suppose that has some truth to it.

But, I find myself forgetting other pleasures:  working out, eating well, staying “fit” inside and out, and even making money of my own.   I need a new “balance”.  I miss some things.  Some of my growth curves have required  “all of me”.  I’m reading to settle down for a while and not take on any more “big things” that require “all of me”.  My husband wanted to plant a garden this year so badly.  I said, “Oh, honey, I’m so glad you are doing that!”  He thought that meant I wanted to week and hoe.  No, I said, “I’m so glad YOU are doing that!”  Failure to communicate.   

I wonder, Lord. What’s next? How much? And is the fruit worth the investment?  Though money/earning power should not be the measure of a man, or woman (and, it’s not for me, I  am blessed) there comes a time when I see the Proverbs 31 women, buying her fields and vineyards, and I think…is it my time for that…and how? 

Yup, my last little one leaves for all day school next year.  It just raises some fuzzy feelings about self value:  those itchy- -can’t-quite-scratch-the-itch, unsettling questions for me.  Creates some churning.

So, there it is.

For now, my laundry room beckons me  “come”.  

At this moment, it seems much easier to try to get a handle on my life in five years than to deal with more laundry!!!   

~Maggie

Rob “Rounds Me Out” on youTube/mySpace

Rob over at eministrynotes.compresented “the other side of the coin” on the youTube issue  as we talked a bit by email this morning.   I respect the work Rob and his team does to try to make the web a tool we can use for ministry and discipleship.  But first things first: congrats go to www.eministynotes.com

Outreach Magazine has put together their Top 20 Web Sites for Church Communicators for 2007 where…you’ll find 20 killer sites that can inspire you, save you time and help you do your job right. In short, they make your life easier. Isn’t the Web a wonderful thing?  I’m kinda partial to number 14 [www.eministrynotes.com]  –Rob

So, the esteemed Rob’s point on this subject was the we can choose to be light in the dark, just as we can be with a presence at myspace and other social networking type avenues out there. 

While youTube may not be the best service to host and share my baptism videos or home family videos, there is still room for Christians to post things there to attempt to bring light.   I hope we CAN make a difference in the ads seen there.  I think we can! 

End result?  Let’s keep our avenues open for ministry, and decide when those same avenues may not be appropriate for families.   While it may not sound like both can co-exist, they can.  It’s hard to know where to draw the line.  For instance, our church youth group put up a myspace slideshow last week on their “new spot”.  The first middle ad on that spot for that day, in between Compassion International type ads we COULD choose was this main banner THEY chose for us…

( I can’t upload it at the moment.  Showed Tyra Banks in a strapless bikini with the question:  “Is Tyra Banks fat?” )

I chose to not put up with that kind of advertising I have no control over on my own website.  But, that is a risk we are taking to try to engage in the culture of our youth, myspace is so much a part of their culture today.  I hate to think my son is almost near the age of having to address it at all, and pray we can build other platforms that respect our values more.  Lord, help!

Back to youTube:  in researching today, I found that youTube DOES post a code of conduct to help keep lewdness and “shock value videos” down so that the heinous things I mentioned yesterday can be checked.  Here are the guides :  (http://www.youtube.com/t/community_guidelines).   ALSO, there is also a way to flag a video as inappropriate.   I did not click on the video to do so.  Just avoided it and got disgusted.  We NEED to stay involved and keep that stuff pushed back from mainstream.

It’s hard to walk on both sides of the fence depending on goals and mission, but that’s what each of us must do.  Thanks so much Rob, for “rounding me out”, and thanks for inviting me also to respond to your web ministry post on the subject when you get it up presenting the “family point of view”.  When that goes up, I’ll invite you to go check it out.

Walk Strong!

~Maggie 

Why I Am BoyCotting YouTube Ads

This picture brought to you in response to comments in the last post.  Some of you clicked over and just didn’t see anything.  To get here, I simply clicked the “Video” tab from my user login area at youTube.  

You just imagine my shock when an ad like this was seen next to a video of my kids, or next to a baptism service of a friend of mine!  

That’s what I’ve seen in the last two weeks.  This is only one of several intoxicating ads I’ve seen. 

I can overlook a lot, but it’s stretching the limits of reasonable taste in my opinion.  As I said, the straw has just dropped for me.  Don’t mean to cramp anyone else’s style.

I can no longer  send the youTube video link itself to friends and family for them to share with others.

Yes, I could embed it in my blog (therefore eliminating their ads), but I don’t always want to send my blog with it.  I just want to share a video. 

I can no longer share any ministry video ideas with praise team members.  

I can no loner email links this to male family members in good conscience.  To be honest, I don’t even want to send it to female friends.

It’s poor taste for home computing.   I’m sick of these visual “lures” to poor thinking.

As if that isn’t enough: tonight on this screen shown, a guy is also exposing himself (fortunately, the resolution is so low you’ll probably not be too offended).  

Further, the video title above that lewdness is ”Get the F*** Out”.

There are ways you can tag a video post inappropriate.  And, we know live video has it’s down side.  But, my point is:  there are NOT ways to tag an advertisement as inappropriate.  We need to try to voice our preferences so that those of us who WANT to use youTube and only see our subscriptions or whatever can do so without being bombarded with the visual land mines.

  

In the Broad Scheme of Things (or “I’ll Go Shoot Them If They Put Cheese On Your Hamburger, Okay?”)

I just ate like half a pound of M&Ms, of the pink, red, and white Valentine variety.  I need to “love on” myself.  A drug, you might call them.  It’s been one of those mornings. 

I’m about to scream at anything within a three foot radius who tells me something more than twice when THEY DON’T listen to a word I’m saying, and they aren’t doing ANYTHING “PRODUCTIVE” of their own perogative. 

That’s the way it is!  Watch yourself, people.  ‘Cause I’m just sayin’…it ain’t too pretty in these parts and it ain’t lookin’ up this week.

So, I have a candle lit here by my desk…not for relaxation purposes, though that would have been a good thought.  No, it’s here because there are rotting potatoes outside the back door rotting.  They are about to make me throw up every time I walk into what is supposed to be my isle of peaceful solitude while my children are away being “shaped for life”.  At the moment, my little corner smells better, thank God. 

At the school this morning, I yelled at my son in the cafeteria: “Well, I will just go up there and SHOOT them if they do it!  OKAY?“, staring my son down with that mother gaze.  It had no effect whatsoever on him, but there was an eerie silence that fell upon the room–I didn’t look up. 

“Why the harsh language, Maggie?”, you might ask, “Sounds uncharacteristic of you.”  Well, you see, it all makes perfect sense.  My child wants to order “breadsticks” again…no protein, no vegatables, no nothing…just bread.  So, weeks upon weeks of cajoling…bread.  Four months into the school year, I let the kids “order” from a restaurant in town maybe once a week when I’m behind on their “lunch favorites”.  And what is the only decent food the child can stomach for my $3.00?  Breadsticks.  

Breadsticks!  I just can’t take it!  The child has no pallette of foods but junk food.  Once or twice in a blue moon, okay!  But, every week?  Come on now!  (I had to eat corn and grean beans and peas…for goodness sakes.)  And WHY will he not order anything else?  Because they keep putting CHEESE on his PLAIN hamburger. 

PLAIN, I say.  That is not hard to understand!  What is this so hard?  Why make life difficult for me. 

So, I threatened to shoot them if they did it again…to get him to order the burger instead.  “Order it, son.  Just order it.”  Humor old mom. 

(For all intensive purposes, it was an idle threat for drama to try to motivate a ten year old boy–I’ll be getting calls from the kindergarders Moms later today, no doubt.  Humbling me is God’s purpose in my life…which is better than pride, I know.  But, work with me here, please?  ’Cause I am a mom, and I really need sympathy at the moment!  We’re breaking down, here, people!  I need a “break today”.) 

The boy had chocolate poptarts for breakfast (yeah, I know…but,  I had dishes backed-up…the big nasty, ugly stained pans kind.  No ccoking eggs today!  As I said, “a break”.)

In the meantime, Goldilocks is still “forgetting” to brush her hair without my telling her multiple times, again.  Both boys forgot their drinks.  (I didn’t remind them because the shoulder strap on my book bag broke at the “prompt time”, the back wreath fell off the door, I marked on my pants big-time with a pencil trying to fix things, dragging to the van to haul myself in…it was locked.  ARG!.  

One of those mornings!  It never ended! 

I’m really quite nervous about our future at the moment. 

I’m a bit afraid to leave the house to be quite honest with you.   

Yesterday.  Ah, yes, it all started yesterday:  Red got sent to the principle’s office, first time.  

We are beside ourselves.  He was getting upset with people, not listening, distracting, not listening.  (Tell me about it, people.  Any solutions?  Can anybody “fix” a five year old red head?  ‘Cause this Mom is out of tricks at the moment.) 

So last night in the life of our home, and in the near future is “buckle down zone”.  [Ugh.  Sigh.  Blowing air out of my mouth very forcefully as I type.] 

I should not be at this point with my children.  I work hard with them. 

What is happening here? [glaring heavenward].

So, just before my little “raised voice shooting” incident this morning, you know, the one about shooting people… somebody was irritated with Red…a group of boys hiding under the table wanting him to move over, or something, and the child didn’t budge…louder voices…including his name (he has siblings and knows how to hold his own, let me tell you.  A pushover, he is not). 

I just couldn’t take it.  I told him to “sit in a chair…do not speak to anyone all day, do not raise your voice and yell at anyone, do not let anyone yell at you, do not play with anyone.  Just sit…in a chair…all day.  DO NOT GET INTO TROUBLE.  Just don’t talk to anybody, okay?” 

Chair.  Sad.  Shoulders hunching over.   And he sat still.  

Honestly, I don’t know–the whole, “break the behavior, not the spirit” thing?  Yeah, that sounds good, but sometimes, it seems to me that they aren’t “getting it”!  If you don’t try to break a bit of “spirit”, they are not going to!  Call me mean.  I’m about to break some “spirits” around here.   The little guy has a fever for a week, gets necessarily coddled, goes back to school, getting a ton of homework, and his little spirit whacked on by everyone he knows.  My mommy heart.  I’m not going to make it.

So, in this state of mind…I ,march up to the principle (interuppting her conversation), throw my hands dramatically into the air and say, “Is there any way you can talk to the hamburger people about no cheese on the burger for child #1.  If there is a cheese problem, call me and I’ll deal with it.  I have drawn a line in the sand with the lunch thing.” 

“Okay sure!  Yes!  I’ll make a note.”

I can’t imagine why she would be so quick to respond.

A bit more tentatively, I walk into the office to check lunch prices.  It is crowded with all the mild-mannered teachers (who are probably getting a clear indication of WHY we have problems with our children at this point).  

 Trying to break the ice, I say to one teacher,  ”Can you have me committed? I’ve about had it.”  She said, “I have their number.  Used it many times.  No problem,” 

I say, “3:00 good for you?  Cause it’s good for me.  I’ll be packed.” 

She said, “Sure thing, 3s good.  I’ll get it set up for you.”

Laughing.  Laughing is good. 

Before I left the room, three others asked for reservations as they left for class…we’ve got a group rate going now.  Pizza and a movie at 8:00–in our “new home”, wherever that may be.  I’m thinking they have to have a facility with a spa or something–group rates , we can probably bump up the service.

Tonight?  We go to church, act like that’s all we have to do.  Then, we come home, study for a spelling test, WW I, WW II, teach Red to write (without making 14 marks for every letter), work on his reading, get him to respect his teacher, and NOT tap his fingers during math class while bored (CAN a 5 year old, active boy BE bored quietly?)

[sigh].

Also, my student did not show up today.  Something about a funeral and she had to leave by 11 anyway.  Probably a good thing.  (But, it got on my nerves too, having skipped breakfast and my shower to get there dressed and all). 

This is motherhood.  In control and out of control.  This is IT–my dream.

You know, I could coddle my kids!  Just keep them home and love all over them, and have them fix their own plain burgers WITHOUT cheese.

But, I have this visual fresh on my mind as well.  Yesterday when I showed up to get my kids from school?  There was a mother getting hints for her child as to how to study for her ONE kid’s test from the teacher–my child is IN that class!  The teacher was telling her what the test would look like and all…what the presentation was. 

Well, no WONDER this kid is outpacing us every week!  I wondered how THAT was happening.  It’s all becoming very clear.  So, now I have to brown nose the teacher(s X3), too? 

Not going to happen, my dear friend. 

You know what?  My kids will make it.  They’ll be tough.  They will find their way. 

Today was hard, and this week will be hard…but the future is bright. 

Awards?  Who cares.  They have my respect.  

These moments aren’t as important as the over-all scheme of things…and I know it.  

Not that we won’t try.

…Today? I want to cry often.  I have no fresh ideas.  I need some new ones.  I’m overwhelmed.   I have some “catching up” to do, too.  Apparently.

But….the future is bright for me and for my kids…in the broad scheme of things. 

I know that for sure.

Sunday Review

Into your marvelous light I’m running

Out of darkness out of shame

~David Crowder

 

Today is a hard day to review.  I’m spent.  I’ve been on muscle relaxers for three days my back is so knotted up with the tensions of the week.  I have a stress knot in my right shoulder blade that just balls up to let me know I’m at a breaking point.

The conflict situation?  I feel like we are all failing.  Isn’t it funny how everyone is always right and no one wants to be embarrassed?  People who are/should be the most mature are sometimes the hardest to seek reconciliation with?  

What do I take away?  Pray for grace.  Pray for more grace.  Pray for more grace.

Jesus said, “I will make all grace abound to you so that at all times, having all the you need, you will abound in every good work.”

I read tonight in the Psalms how it talks about running under the refuge of God in the shelter of his hiding place.  I’ve read this idea in Psalms before, and it amazed me, but it says that we will have joy and sing under the shadow of his wing.

How many times do you tuck tail and run for cover in fear or frustration and because you’ve had to run, you are so excited about it that you rejoice.  I don’t feel like rejoicing.  I feel like being embarrassed that I had to run, that I had to hide.  That I still wasn’t strong enough, didn’t fight hard enough, couldn’t win the battle…I had to run and hide…again.  And I’m tired.  And I’m maxed out.  And I can’t do it. 

Lord, teach me to be proud of running and sitting in your lap.  Of staying there.  Teach me to find comfort there.  To find my source of joy and song there.  Not in winning.  Not in strength.  Not in running.  Not in trying.

Larnelle Harris recorded this song and it goes off like a recorder for me over and over in times like this:

It’s not in trying, but in trusting

Not in running, but in resting

Not in wandering, but in praying

That we find the strength of the Lord

 

This is the “Sabbath Rest” that “still remains” for the people of God who choose to rest and walk in it that Hebrews 11 talks about.  Lord, I don’t know how to run and stay in your lap at the same time.  I just don’t know how.  I’m a gas tank, filling, depleting too quickly.  So immature…tank so small.  I hate to think what it’s going to require for me to learn to fill more fully and rest more deeply.  To walk in the line of fire and be unmovable, unshakable, unflappable, unphaseable.

All I know is, you are superlative, surpassing, superior, and over all.  And someday, I’ll learn to TRULY worship you when I can really trust that without getting my quivers all in a tangle.  (I don’t really know what picture that might bring up for a reader, but it just sounded about right.)

I’m not even sure how to ask anyone to comment on this.  You’ve have to be in a spot to have your quivers in a tangle yourself to really understand it I suppose!   

 

I “Need” to Sleep

exhausted.  calls.  ring ring grouch

unprepared  emotional 

i just want sleep

peaceful sleep

tonight

too much to ask?

tears awake

headache angry frustrated worried

tylenol allergy meds

bright ouchy screen dim dim dimmer

self doubt worry prayer

please– i needed sleep

afraid to try again

ouch my head [no-sleep pain!]

must get up early (moms surgery)

sickened…try again

please don’t wake me up again

how many nights lately

[head on desk...thud]