College Student Finds His Way Out of Homosexuality

I enjoyed this guy’s thoughts on coming out of a homosexual lifestyle.   Consider linking to the article to help him get his testimony out.  (Use good key words in your title and post to help Google pick up on the blog post.)  Appreciated the transparency and risks to help others know there is a way if they want out: read the article he submitted to his campus paper.  That’s courage, friends.

His message to Christians is also good:  continue to love, even as you speak truth.  Reminds me of the scripture:  “Without love, we are as a clanging gong or a clashing cymbal.” (I Cor. 13).

The Trouble with Shakespeare

Yesterday, I told the lady at the checkout line who was so interested in my “romantic sonnets” book from V.S. that I was going to have my husband read me these poems. 

She kept reading. 

Her husband (presumably) said, “Well, I guess if he can’t think of anything to say, he can just read them to you.” 

I said, “That’s right!  That works!”

She continues to browse the book, and the line has mounted behind me in the store.  (Did I mention is was from V.S?  Stirs instant interest.)  

So, I was just now flipping through my book while picking up the house (not the house, but the things in the house), and I read this line, from Shakespeare: 

“And you in Grecian tires

are painted new”

 

Painted tires?  Are you serious?  What does that mean?  That line was meant to be read to my husband, I am certain!  No…the poem is certainly about a woman, and they had no “GoodYear” back then.  He is going to get a kick out of this, I can tell you!   (I Googled it…it was fun to learn about!  Check it out! 8. tires = attires, dress. The use of painted here and art in the line above perhaps suggest that some of the beauty was artificial.  (from this site.)

Anyway, the checker lady took forever to put the book down!  FOR-ever!  I kept talking to them to pass the time in good humor!  Finally, trying to get her to move on with my cart, I told her I’d let her know how things went!  Talk about pressure for my husband!   He knows the expectations.  He can meet the challenge, I have no doubt.

Isn’t it ironic that I just started calling him The Hub this week!  Goes with the whole “tire” thing, don’t you think?  LOL.

 

When It’s Hard to Work a Smile

Whew.  I hate hormones sometimes.  Let’s just be honest.  They can take a day with sunshine and make us flat, unresponsive, tired, and angry with the world.  Some women say they never notice anything or struggle with them at all.  I have thoughts regarding that, but for reasons of good judgment, I will not share at this time.  {silly smile}

The good thing is…moods and hormones pass.  Perhaps they are to teach us to respond in love rather than following gut reactions.  

Do you think it is as difficult as I do to balance ”living according to truth, not feelings” with “staying real and authentic, who you really are”?   

Living according to truth says I smile anyway because of who Jesus is.  Living “authentically”, for me, today, means I cannot smile because I am just in a rotten mood, and even though I love Jesus!  I’m still feeling quite “blah”. 

Perhaps there is a time when it makes a difference to go the extra mile when we need to on these days.  Yet, there is a time and place to relax with those we know,  not stress, and just be ourselves?  

Perhaps that is what “staying real” is about.  Grace when you have it.  Rest when you don’t. 

I hope so. ‘Cause this chick still has a ways to go!

~Maggie

Shopping Girls

Today was a super spectacular weather day.  I just ended up with my daughter home, and she needed shoes, so we drove an hour to find her some.  It was a great day to get out and drive.   I tried to cater to her (more than usual), since it was just “us”.  She got all of my attention last night at home as well.

A minute ago, she asked if she could help me with the laundry.

Well worth the investment of time, I say!

What appeared to be a trans-sexual man hit on me in the scrapbooking aisle of Hobby Lobby today.  I was very glad for my cell phone ringing with my son on the line to talk to.  Very odd situation.   He was such a nice looking guy.  Very weird feeling.

I bought a devotional leather bound version of “My Utmost For His Highest” today.  I have like three or four copies, but this one seemed to hit the spot and I thought the journaling in the actual book in the space provided might motivate me to continue on a regular basis.  I read a couple entries while shopping that just seemed to challenge me and enlarge my thinking. 

I tell you, these leather book bindings on books and Bibles just get to me!  I want them all!  While in the store, I held a Bible I didn’t need for 15 minutes today just because I so loved the leather binding! 

Bibles have needed that kind of treatment for years, and I’m just so proud to see all the nice feeling, nice looking developments in Bible binding.  Truly makes me proud.  I used to dream of being able to afford a Bible that felt nice and soft like that, even trendy, or made for rough “play” and travel.  I love it! 

I finally made my own leather cover for mine years ago…will probably use it ’til the day I die.  (An NIV Study Bible…lots of margin room and a great condordance I can’t live without!)

My daughter and I also bought books 3 and 4 of the “Milly” series from Christian family bookstore we are reading at night.  My friend, Carol, suggested them for her, and it’s been a worthy investment. 

Tomorrow is our last day of Upward Basketball!  Quickly moving toward Soccer season.  I made the Soccer video a few posts ago this week for worship Sunday to start our prayer kick-off for Soccer.  I love the new “slideshow” thing.  So fun to learn something new this week.

Things at the school after the robbery are still stressed; prayers appreciated.  

No great words of wisdom or great conclusions today…just really thankful for a day to get out of town and shop with my little girl.  Fazoli’s, ice cream, shopping, Hannah Montana CD, Scrapbook store, HOT bath…all great stuff after a really long week.  Thank you, Lord!  Thank you that we weren’t sick again this week! 

Sabbath Rest 3: When Warriors Come Home

This is a marriage post.  One I’ll share with my husband today. 

If that sort of thing wouldn’t speak to you, or is not up your alley right now, click on over to BooMama Click (bloglines doesn’t post the link, I see, sorry!): How Can I Keep from Singing (Chris Tomlin), OR click:  Sanctifying Service for Satisfaction (my title, not hers!).  No pun intended!  Anyway…it’s all about finding rest and satisfaction in it ALL this week.

Until next time, I pray a blessing for you today from THE “Lover of Your Soul”…Christ Jesus himself, who breaks down every wall!  And who “builds up broken walls”.   And who “knows our walls”.  Just a praise to the Master Builder & Artichitect! 

See you next time!

~Maggie

——————————————————————————— 

Beginning with a morning prayer: 

Lord,

You know my weakness, my humanness.  I work so hard at doing “this thing” well…so hard just to ”make it” sometimes even at ‘base level’.  I work and plan, and try to hold on, stay thankful– for so long…so long that when it’s time to really “let go” in fun and abandon…I find that I can’t.  Pain of all pains.  Balled up  somewhere inside I can’t pin down.  In need of cures.  ”Trying”, even “trusting” for too long?

I get frozen sometimes.  I feel it coming.  That internal ”hardening” of sorts, just to make it.  The warrior in me.   

Then…time goes by, and I’m fighting, and learning to “win”, and, you come along, you put people in my path who care for me.  Feed me–in many ways.  Push me, when it’s time.  People “open me back up” here and there again, bringing refreshment to me…almost “by force” I get so resistant so easily. 

For the sake of your glory and pleasure, and for my good.  Only You know the depths of me!  When I don’t know myself, don’t understand, get so tangled ”trying”–not even knowing that I’m holding back.  Afraid.  Making all energy last.  Afraid of wasting anything.  Some call comes to lavish my love–and I can’t.  Can’t risk it.  Ashamed am I!

*sigh*. 

Yet, You love me.  Keep wanting me.  Keep trying.  Woo-ing me, calling me out, smiling on me over and over and over again, until I am touched.   

When I can’t find myself “ready”; you “ready me”.  Faithfully.

Thank you for all patient, yet persistent; unselfish, yet demanding love.   

—————————————-* 

Thank you for giving me a life partner who lives out your love so beautifully to me.  

Last night: Banquet.  Dress up. My man’s leadership…words/boldness/faith/standards.  I’m PROUD!

Baseball…St. Louis Cardinals vs. NY Mets.  Big game!  Big comeback!!!  I took a break and JOINED IN!

Firelight, first this year!  Sleeping beside it all night…no kids at home.  I’M SOAKING! 

Sweet, cool, damp Fall.  I’M COZY.

Lavished on me.

But, I’m still afraid.  Too much the last few weeks.  Just…too much, everything.  I’m drained. 

Vulnerability, realness, openness, acceptedness, desire, patience…more than I can understand. 

I’M COMPLETED.

Thank you for a godly man.

Thank You for refreshing me deep within, in his love.

Get ‘Er Done

I”m feeling about 50% stronger every day from the virus I had last week.  My skin still feels that cool “viral” feel like I’m fighting something off.  My motivation is so low to get started and stay going.  I ache to see my house “Fall-Cleaned”, but it’s getting worse each day instead of better.  *Sigh*

I am trying to walk in Sabbath Rest every day right now and not go beyond the energy God has given me for the tasks and for the day.  Thankfully, I have that option more than those who work 8 hours or more a day.  Still, it’s an exercise.  God provides. 

I usually vaccum the school library for them after popcorn day, and I knew it would really push me today.  My student and I worked very hard on problems tough for her for over an hour straight today.  I said, “You need a mental break after all that [and she did!]…would you like to run the vaccum?”  She said, “Yeah!  Where is it?”  She loved the chance to do something physical to balance all the mental work.  As I saw she was doing it well and sticking to it with joy, I said, “Hard work for a such a big room, eh?”  She said, “Oh, I don’t mind, I vaccum our house at home all the time.”  I said, “For you, no homework the rest of this week.”  She said, “Wow!  Thanks!” 

Win-win.  Great idea, Lord!  Thank you very much.

Amazing how God does provide if we get creative and walk within what He provides us for the day, not spending more than we have, even in terms of “grace” or “energy”.   This week, my best “efficiency plan” has come in walking in Him…resting when I need it.  Napping when I need it.  Going slow.  Any other way, and I’m down before the next thing.

Like Saturday, we had little food in the house when we got into town…no “quick food”.  My husband found some ground beef stuck in the freezer and cooked spaghetti for me.  Wow! 

Sunday, we had a Sunday School social.  I took some Canned Baked Beans and some chips.  We had a “Fried Chicken” feast with all the southern trimming in return!

That night, a weinee roast and hey ride.  Monday…school, and Mom brought me soup we ate for two days.  Church dinner tonight.  A banquet Thursday night.  Friday night…Fall Festival and the best chili in the world.

God has granted me a whole week of little cooking!  Still the morning bisquits, eggs, and bacon for the big guys in my house, but nothing “major” to clean up at night, and no major cooking and grocery runs for that! Aaaah!  I just relish today in how God shows his love for me in little ways.  Even if he chose to teach me to serve in the midst of feeling bad, I have no doubt he would find another small way to show his great regard and love for me. 

Yet, even as he teaches me, or pushes me, he shows such tender care.  Such a great model for how I am to balance my care and teaching with my kids. Psalms 23 talks about Jesus comforting us with his “rod and his staff”.  Both guidance and correctional systems.  Isn’t it a comfort to know that even when Jesus leads as a gentle shepherd, he comforts us by his presence of correction?

The “corrections” I feel this week are:

1.  Before I left, God really  had me focusing on the value of a woman apart from her presentation.  To “check” myself in dress and present Christ in even the way I dressed.  I guess he was preparing me for what I’d find when I went to Disney.  I took a lot of t-shirts and Disney apparel to wear…family time, right?  Well, I really appreciate all the other women who saw fit to walk around with skimpy, skin tight tanks tops and mini skirts with their kids (sometimes no husband present) while I honored THEM by dressing appropriately for family outtings with mine.  Ouch. 

That plus having larangitis distanced me from my husband…and I’ve still felt “viral” after all his hard work and dedication providing for and planning the trip.  So…I’m in a post-vacation funk of sorts.  The Lord needs to work on my heart. I’m trying to stay thankful instead. 

I’d like to think that those women just needed Jesus, but anymore, that’s not the case.  We have mixed sensuality with femininity to the point where it’s seen to be “cute” to expose very sensual and erotic zone with no afterthought, as if we have no idea what that does to the male mind (or enjoying that “power” too much!).  It’s not fair to me!  Even if this woman’s husband was walking around with a her…HEe acted bored and dis-engaged, while the “sights” are all new to my kids, me, and mine! 

It’s not the time or place!  Mam, your husband is used to seeing you all the time.  My husband is NOT.  We could do without it.  Too much to ask? 

Not to ramble, but does anyone even know what “modesty” means? I have a very dedicated, loyal, admiring, and respectful man…but it still annoys me when people take advantage of our commitment to each other by tempting that commitment.  And…you know, I guess it should really annoy me and make me mad. 

I wish it were an easier battle and didn’t predominate so much of what could be great entertainment==we are so out of whack with the “sensual” thing.  It’s eating dynamite and never expecting it to explode.   

 Lord, help me in goals and frustrations and inadequacies to just delight, every day.  Delight myself in you, as the Psalms say.  To not get irritable and down, and frustrated, but walk in the joy and approval you lavish on us!  Thank you in advance! 

Maggie

Should Christians Flirt?

An update to this post that deserves our attention is  a quote from  this site:

If you are genuinely interested in a relationship with your date then flirting with them will help them know this is the case. Don’t be shy of expressing your personality and your genuine interest in the person you are meeting with. Flirting is only wrong if you are simply playing with the emotions of the other person and are not intending to go on into a relationship with that person.”

So, there is a level of flirting that shows interest in a person for dating purposes that probably even bleeds into early starts to relationships thereafter.  We need to determine where that starts and when it should stop, and answer a few other questions of interest.   How do we pursue godly relationships?  Should we stop, or check ourselves, and under what circumstances? 

Note:  I continue to add to, and re-write this information based on feedback and resources that come to my attention.  If it’s of interest to you, check back for revisions and new information.  

I wrote a series of articles back in the fall on maturing Christian relationships.  Since, I frequently get hits from searches like “Should Christians flirt”?  I told my husband I finally wrote a web post in response.  He said, “A post?  Doesn’t that require like a one word answer?”  Well, not really.  There is a lot of discussion going on with the topic, especially with all the talk on the web downplaying anything less than outright nudity and lewdness.  I think it’s something we need to explore together.

Consider these opinions from on advice to give to a Christian friend who excessively flirst on a  Message Board.  For the sake of time, here are a few viewpoints I hear increasingly:  Evaluate your current opinion as you read, then we’ll discuss.  I’m not a member of that board and did not feel inclinded to join, but I will post my response here.  Here are a few of the comments of note:

• “I’ve forgotten the chapter in the bible that says flirting is wrong.  Can you refresh my memory?  Thanks!”
• “From my point of view flirting means making others feel good about themselves.  Its not always a bad thing to do that. is it? “
• “the bible is very clear on this matter; flee all appearances of evil – and that is what you should tell him and you also – run for your life.”
• “So wats da BIG deal if your friend flirts, not like he/she kills “
• “i believe flirting without shagging is no sin “
• “maybe the poster needs to use a different word from flirt because as far as i am concerned, Nothing is wrong with flirting. A serious  christian can flirt, its got nothing to do with faith.  its all about making people feel better about themselves.  A lot of people suffer inferiority complex as it were and flirting with them helps boost their ego.  its either you are too spiritual or just plain jealous because yuo don’t know how to flirt. Its not easy sha!”

So…we have some questions to answer that I think deserve attention.  If there answer is a clear “No”, there would not be so much confusion.  If the word of God is meant to guide us on important things, surely there IS an answer to help us in relationships. 

First, I’m going to list some scriptures that come to mind to help reset our thinking, then we’ll go back to some of these ideas.   Sound good?  Okay, let’s get started.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY, IF ANYTHING? 

 

1.  Proverbs 1:4

4 [the wise Proverbs of Solomon to his son, written] for giving prudence to the simple, for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young-

 5 let the wise listen and add to their learning,
       and let the discerning get guidance-

 6 for understanding proverbs and parables,
       the sayings and riddles of the wise.

 7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
       but fools ^[a] despise wisdom and discipline.

       knowledge and discretion to the young-

What does “prudence” mean?  Just from the context here, it is someone who seeks to be led by wisdom, knowledge, instruction, and discipline, as opposed to the fool.

————————————–*

  2.  Proverbs 8:5

You who are simple, gain prudence;
       you who are foolish, gain understanding.

I  learn here that even the simple minded person can be “prudent”.  Even those who’ve acted foolishly in the past can gain understanding to benefit themselves and others.

————————————–*

3.  Proverbs 8:12
“I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion.

SO, FROM THESE VERSES, WHAT DO CAN WE LEARN?  WHAT QUESTIONS DO WE STILL HAVE?

1. Prudence and wisdom and learning and discipline go together.  They are highly valued.  They keep us safe.  They promote integrity of heart and character.
2. Can a “prudent” person be a “fun-loving” person?  Can a prudent person give a compliment, or make someone smile, or help someone’s self esteem?  We’ll look at that as we go along.

Let’s consider just a couple New Testamant verses first, just to try to get ourselves some foundation of thinking to build on.

Going to BibleGateway.com and searching under the keyword “words” (you’ll need to select “show all” and even go to the small pg 2 at the bottom to see New Testament verses).  There is much to read and absorb.  Not all of what we are considering is “words”, but I think it’s a great starting point we can move from.  We have to start somewhere.

For now, let’s look at a few I will choose to start with and see if we begin to build a foundation for ourselves on this thing.  Ready to dig?  It may seem to take a while to get to the meat, but we need secure pegs to hang other information on.  Buckle up for a wild ride.  There are going to be some bumps ahead. 

BUILDING OUR FOUNDATION:

Jeremiah 15:19
Therefore this is what the LORD says: “If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman. Let this people turn to you, but you must not turn to them.

Well, that’s no good.  We ask, what in the world does that say about flirting?  Let’s get some pegs going.  We do learn a few things.   God uses repentant people, not stubborn people.  (We need to be willing to learn).  Words ARE powerful, contrary to much popular “emergent” opinion.  (Consider:  By God’s spoken word, the world came into being and was created.  Words have power, to build up, or to tear down.  Jesus himself was called “The word of God made flesh” [book of John].) 

In this verse , God is telling the prophet Jeremiah that he could be a spokesmen for God, but under under some conditions: walking in a humble repentance regarding his own sin, saying “worthy and not worthless words”, and stubborness (when he says that people may turn to him (agree with him), but that he was not to “turn to them” [agree with them]). 

How do we to communicate with people well without caving?  One commentor on the message board excused flirting if it was done to bring someone to Christ.  Hmmm.  Making people feel good is not a bad thing…we want to gain friendships and respect.  Being kind and a blessing to people ig good–also what God calls us to.   We need to learn some “fine lines” involved to stay on target.

Sound too serious for such a fun loving topic?  Keep reading a bit further before you decide, and know this:  the word of God is a puzzle, revealing itself to those willing to search for hidden things.   We want to be “seekers of truth”.   Come on, Seeker, let’s keep moving.

BUILDING ON A STRONG FOUNDATION, Part 2

Matthew 7:26
But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.

Luke 6:49
But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

Ouch.  Okay, so what do we learn there?  I don’t know about yoy, but, I know that I want to build the “house” of my life  on the solid rock of truth, not on ideas that fall and trap me the minute I relax or stop looking, having potential to totally destroy me, and others around me “the moment the TORRENT strikes that house”.  

Is this that kind of issue?  Listen, anything that compromises truth in our lives and leads us to believe lies HAS that kind of destructive potential.  I hate to be the first to tell you if I am, but, then again, that’s WHY I’m taking time to explore this baby with such dedicated purpose.  I hope you are convinced to continue.  I know I am.

Let’s see more:

 Matthew 24:35
Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

Words that agree with Jesus’s words/ideas/truth have staying power.  Everything else will fade away and be useless.  I don’t know about you, but I want my words, my impact on the world to last.  I don’t want my impact, my “encouragment” and all my well-meaning plans to be “disposable”.  I want the staying power of steal, iron, diamonds…not plastic, paper, and other perishables.  I want to give the permanent.  My life IS permanent as a Christian, and I want my “fruit” (described in Galations) to be lasting.  I want to give back to the Lord something for all he’s done for me, giving his very life.

So…here’s another one I stumbled on: 

Luke 1:20
And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.”

In Bible times, often the gift of speech was taken away for a time.  Is it possible that our words (and our doubt) can get in the way of God’s purposes?  Is it possible that he disciplines us, in some way, if not the loss of voice, for inappropriately expressing ourselves?  It seems so. He wants us to learn that much. 

So, What About Jesus’s Words?  How did he set standards for speech?

John 6:63
The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.

 John 14:24
He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.

Jesus’s words were not just passing words.  They are ”spirit”, and they are “life”.  His words had great power.  His words establish truth for us.  His words bring health, healing, cleansing, and direction.  His words are not his own, but what he hears from the Father.  His speech is submissive (he’s not just saying anything that comes to mind, but saying what is in alignment with the Father’s purposes, and with Truth).  He gives thought to what he says.  It was important.  Not just who he was, but what he said.  He was what he said.  That reminds me of this verse:

Luke 6:45
The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Are words just “words”?  Or do they express what is hidden in the heart of a person?  This verse says, “Yes”.  Words show what we value, what our motives are, and where we struggle.  They show if we are genuine, or if we are insincere.  They show if we have needs, and they show if we have wisdom.  Words are a “fruit” of our maturity.  Communication is important…the condition of our hearts is even more important. 

WORDS ALONE? 

1 Corinthians 2:4
My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power,

This says that what most affects people at times is NOT our words, not our delivery or style (indirect communication or even nonverbal communication).  These are important to learn skill and discipline in, but my point here is:  people can be touched deeply and in a lasting way by the Holy Spirit flowing through us, having little to do with what we say.  Now, the Holy Spirit is not going to flow through us if our hearts are not pure.  People respond safely to integrity.  So, the commentor above said that we are needing to build up the self esteem of others.  How can we do that best according to truths found in this verse?  Align ourselves with God’s purposes, plans, and heart for that person, not with our own needs, or our own plan to “help”.  Learning to hear God and respond to him with his purposes and plans is our priority, then, not necessarily with a SuperMan mission to just deliver every person we come into contact with who we think could use a boost.   God will direct us. 

Sound too heavy a purpose and calling?  Maybe.  So, we can’t have any fun?  Well, that’s a good question I guess we should move toward next!  Let’s keep going.  It’s so awesome to be able to learn principles like this…to have access to the word of God and desire to dig.  I talk people who have no access to the Bible, no one leading them, have never read this stuff or thought it through.  I cannot imagine.  And, we have the world’s greatest gift, and we’d rather listen to Oprah than dig, as God values in us.  Go figure.

Another Kind of Speech Altogether:

I Cor. 2: 13  This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.

Whoa.  There is so much in there.  Read that several times and let it soak in. 

So, we gain a couple significant things to us here in our searching:  1.  There is human wisdom that sounds wise, but is not necessarily wisdom!  OUCH.  Get a load of that.  KEY to learning spiritual things.  2.  The Spirit teaches us spiritual truths in spiritual words.  a.  We are not left without tools.  (As a little aside here:  I got a very handy new sweeper for the floors.  My husband was very impressed saying, ”To get a man to clean house, bring on the good power tools!”  There are your ”power tools!”). 

POTENTIAL OF WORDS:

Ephesians 5:6
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.

That sounds harsh.  So, break it down:  1.  People CAN deceive us (read, trick us) with “empty words”(meaning?  I’ll say, things that sound good, make us feel good, and tickle our ears, but have little real back-bone.)  2.  God is not happy {see: “wrath comes on”) people who spill empty words.  He wants our speech to have substance.   Want to tell me again that careless words are just something the hearer needs to learn to “flush” out?  Want to read that again?  The speeker has a responsiblity.  Enough said.

What CAN We Say, Then? 

1 Peter 4:11
If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Wow.  I’ve heard people say, “Well, how in the world can I know what God says?  I’m supposed to be praying and hearing him every minute?  Right.  I’ve never even been sure I’ve heard him speak at ALL.” 

That’s a lot of our problem, I’d say.  We’ve not learned to pray and hear God.  So, there are greater issues at state really than what seems at surface.  That may take a whole ‘nother post, but let me just say that reading the word and learning to know God will help you “hear” him….know his truth, and what he’d have you do and say in a given situation.  If time is not being spent reading, in church, and knowing the word, chances are even those who think they are hearing from God will have a hard time truly distinguishing if it’s him or not.  And even if they do, they will doubt for lack of a good center on truth to measure it and confirm it so that they will act on it…all principles from the word of God, not things I’m guessing or making up.  Just not a lot of page space to adequately support that here.  There are lots of resources available to help those who truly want to hear God.  Just know that God promises many, many times over in his word that those who seek God find him “if they seek with all their heart [soul, mind, and strength]“.  It does take devotion.  He does ask that.  It is that intense.  But, it’s a riot, and it IS the most fun you’ll ever have, because it lasts, and it means something.   

What Did Jesus Base Interactions On? 

Jesus valued marriage and family.  He would not say something intntionally to cause married people to stumble.  Also, Jesus only said things to give glory to the Father, not himself.  Jesus was a purpose not to use people, but to treat them with respect and honor.  He took people seriously because he wanted to be taken seriously…he wanted his message to have the weight it needed.

What the World Values in Speech 

We love to be masters of words, benders of ears, savvy, smooth talking people, moving ourselves in and out of a crowd.  That is not the type of person I see indicated in Jesus.  Now, Jesus went to parties, enjoyed people, and “hung out” with the lowly.  I’ve seen modern books that fictionalize those accounts of Jesus, making him “the life of the party, known for have a hearty good time.”  This has affected the Christian mindset of who Jesus was over time, without necessarily a lot of scripural base.  Now, I believe Jesus did know how to use a sense of humor and spin words to reach people.  Yet, he did not toy with people.  He was trust-worthy entirely.  He made his intent, purposes, and message clear. 

Jesus did not want his intentions mis-represented or misunderstood: healing people and bringing life, deliverance, breaking the bonds of Satan.  Wow!  Don’t you KNOW he WAS having the time of his life!!!! Scripture shows Jesus committed to family, enjoying children  with humility and gentleness, hanging out with the downtrodden, broken, sinful, and confused.  THOSE were his passion.  But, he expected people to move along with him.  He didn’t stay there.  Anywhere.  He kept moving on with the purpose before him.  His heart was free to serve and minister.  Not attached to people overly, not overlooking people in the least.  What we do not see is a Jesus in scripture going around with the one committed purpose of raising people’s self esteem, causing them to smile, or seeing them “light up” with the flattery of his words.  No!  Jesus brought truth to matters–he was called, “the light of the world”!  Light and truth is not a feeling, emotion, or current that leaves the minute a person leaves the room.   

Jesus wasn’t walking around with a bit of influence, yet “doing whatever came naturally” just because he happened to be human and God.  We get confused and forget all about”die to self to follow Christ” and we want the “Jesus came to bring us life and blessing”.  We get the living through some dying.  We don’t always get to do things the way we want to, or the way that “looks” right. 

“There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end, it leads to death.”  (Proverbs 16:25).   

I don’t know about you, but I’d like avoid “the way that looks right, but leads to death” at ALL costs!  Yet, it’s going to “seem right” to me!  Whoa!  Could lifestyles and choices that seem to make sense ”lead to death”?  How?  What kind of death?  The same kind Eve suffered…the kind that left her “living”, but separated from the intimacy with God she once knew.  If “life” comes from knowing Christ, as the Scriptures says…I don’t want anything in the way of my experiencing real life!  I want to know Him! 

Consider this:  there is a worldly counterfeit for every heavenly thing.  The word tells us that the earthly is just a shadow of the real…the spiritual.  Have you ever thought about that?  Ever wonder why some things make you feel great for the moment, but afterwards, you’re filled with guilt, doubt, or shame?  That’s why.  If it’s eternal, of God, it will line up with the word of God, with what the church teaches, with what the Holy Spirit testifies to within you, and it will continue to fill you.  If not, it’s like pouring water over sand and expecting it to hold.  It just doesn’t.  I don’t know about you, but I sure hope the Christian life is more than pouring water in sand.  I am pouring my life, attention, and effort into it.   I want to “prove it” to the world.  I want to know and experience that deep and abiding satisfaction and joy the scriptures talk about.

If people are walking around looking gloomy and down…it’s going to take a lot more than my compliment or flirtation to bring them up, and it’s sure going to take a lot more than that to “stay”…in fact, anything else could just destroy them and may take me down in the process.

Do you believe in the ”holding power”, in the “filling” of the word of God and following truth?  I am.  I’m staking my whole llife on it.  I want to prove Christ.  Or disprove Him…but it’s all or nothing or the experiment is dead and tainted.   I don’t want to just tell you or live out “what seems to be okay by me!”  There is too much at state.  Seriously, there is a comment on that board which says it’s  ”okay to flirt, just as long as you aren’t shagging”?   Anyone else feeling naseated but the blunt truth of what our lives can say?   So…it’s okay to play with fire, just as long as we don’t get burned? 

No personal offense to anybody who is working through things the best they can as this person on the message board obviously is.  I would never want todo that.  I’m confronting a broadscale mentality.  If you don’t realize it’s out there, you don’t know what lies MANY people are fighting.

It’s not about what we can get away with without “sinning”.  It’s not about making ourselves or anybody else feel good.  It’s not about finding the word “flirt” in the Bible.  It’s about knowing Jesus, and his heart, and knowing him well enough to find the guidance and direction we need…it IS about searching and reading what is there, and learning.  Hopefully this particular blog entry, as feable as it is, can help you learn to do that…help you learn to find wisdom without having it all in bold print and caps, “DO NOT _____”. 

That’s what the law was about…a lot of rules to try to follow, and we never could.  That is why God sent Jesus, to free us from the law.  The way to freedom is NOT in doing all we can get away with…it’s in obedience.  We all hate that word–but in obedience comes true freedom and joy Christ promised.

God has a purpose and plan for you and your eternal influence with other people.  It’s okay to be light hearted and enjoy people. Yet, we are not to mess around with hearts, attention, affections, and focus.  We never know how vulnerable a person has become deep within.  Perhaps this is why we see mighty church leaders falling (as also referred to on the message board above).  They are vulnerable.  We all are.  We treat one another with respect due them.  Those above us in the Lord EVEN MORE SO…not less, assuming they are superhuman. 

Don’t feel like just because some mighty men and women of God are falling that there is no help or hope for you!  Don’t use a poor example to normalize sin just because it’s not as bad as so-in-so did.  Don’t assume that because they were not strong enough, there is no way you’ll ever be, so you may as well just stop fighting and do it.  No!  In every war, people fall, the strong and the weak…but we keep fighting because the war is worthy, and the cause is compelling. 

Our presentation is important.  Our words are important.  Where we get our “filling” deep inside is important.  Knowing human-ness is important (even Christians…even strong Christians).  Thinking about it, talking about it, seeking the word of God to sharpen ourselves so that we stand close to God’s “center” like Jeremiahs, unmoving…unswayed by public opinion…is important. 

I’ve heard it said, “I/She/He – just ‘playful’.  We are like brother-sister.  Oh, it’s not ‘that’!  Lighten up!  You know me!  It’s just to release tension.  We’re just playing around.  Just having fun.  Ligtening things up a bit.  Being silly.  Everyone ‘knows’ us.  Everyone just wants to have a good time.  I/he/she is the life of the party.   No one takes it seriously.” 

NOW, this article was linked to  here, and strategicalliance had this important twist to add.  I should have thought to add this slant myself which rounds out the thought nicely:

Should Christians Flirt? Yeah I will flirt with my wife… – but outside of marriage – It is not a wise thing to do. When I flirt in the context of marriage it strengthens my bond with my wife and since God co-signs on marriages (between a man and woman) He will not be displeased to see a couple grow stronger together according to his will (concerning marriage). Should we flirt outside of marriage? by the very definition of flirting- no but man does what is right according to his own eyes and not God’s eyes. Should Christian single flirt? Flirting is defined as to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions.

The outcome of flirting is not always full-filling. Trifling is defined as idle or frivolous conduct. Many who are seeking a spouse are not looking for idle or frivolous conduct, they are looking for serious relationships and prayerfully an equally yoked one. One of the benefits of being equally yoked is that the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband (1 Corinthians 7:3.) be it the marriage bed or any other duty rather but if you are not on one accord as far as faith is concerned we are instructed already:

But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. (1 Corinthians 7:12)

And a woman who has an unbelieving husband and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. (1 Corinthians 7:13)

A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord – meaning that whether he believes it or not – he is actively seeking his wife and the end result with that is favor with God. Because Sin distorts we need to stay in prayer. Living Holy is a believer’s protection and God does want the best for us in this life and the next.

 

Well said!  I had mainly inappropriate flirtation in mind…and this commentor hits the nail on the head squarely in regard to appropriate use.  I think there is a level of “courting” that goes on in ANY relationship building…but it is given a different name…hospitality and grace.  It doesn’t trick, connive, or try to meet it’s own needs with the intent the article for singles gave at the start of this entry. 

Think about this for a minute:  the apostle Paul tenaciously said, “Copy me, model me, follow my life”.  Can we act flippantly, entrusting those around us to model us, knowing they will be okay if they do?  Listen, I’m not judging.  I’ve not always done the job I should have with the influence I’ve had.   I would love to think I will never, ever again even imagine  that I had a part in someone else’s marriage falling, faltering, or flopping.  NEVER.  Yet, there will probably always be that war.  Did I care enough?  Was I a good example?  Talk about gravity!  We are supposed to be considering the weak among us as we make decisions, not flaunting any freedom we feel we may have.  Do we?  

You’ve read about “emotional affairs”…how much do you know about relational pacing–maturing relationships? Those happen when things are developed long before ”affair” words need to even be coming up in our vocalarly.  Affairs or seldom the plan.  I know few people who wake up and say, ”I’m married, but it sounds like a great idea to have an affair today.”  No.  It starts with the subtle.  The playing around.  The “flirting with ideas”, “playful enjoyment”…and perhaps not experiencing that as much at home BECAUSE it’s not as needful in mature relationships…they’ve moved on to the more valued traits of maturity, solidarity, helps.  But, few things compete with the emotional of early relationship hormones that inevitably occur with enough prodding.  People have different relational styles to get to know, so don’t go on a witch hunt, please!  Learn to deal with people’s styles.  At the same time, be aware.  “We do not want you to be ignorant” scripture says.  That’s what this is about. 

As adults, we don’t necessarily just level out into some “safe zone”.  Growing in wisdom takes a life-time.  You are never immune to being taken back to feelings that are very pleasurable and enjoyable…enjoyable enough that you want to repeat them, a few times…and enjoyable enough that you may lose all things most important to you.  Positive affirmation can be like a drug for many people.  You can feed the habit without realizing you are feeding a deliberate relationship.   But, the Holy Spirit will show you.  And if He does, be ready to break free no matter what the cost.  If you want to avoid that possibility, be very careful and deliberate and focused and secure in these principles of what God wants from you, and hold fast to those.

For those interested, here are a few more scriptures to meditate on:

Psalm 119:113
[ s Samekh ] I hate double-minded men, but I love your law.

Double-minded?  Someone who says one thing and really doesn’t mean it seriously, or not knowing for sure the intent of a person.  King David had had his fill of such people.  He wanted the sincere person whose word he could know, understand, and trust.  No games or confusion. 

1 Peter 4:7
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.

“Focused” enough to pray?  Yes.   Why?  The end of times is coming.  What are we to be about in this “short time” then?

 Matthew 28:18-20 Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

James 4:8
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Philippians 3:8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

Relationships are the hardest work there is.  Can a girl, or a guy, be light and silly and playful, AND be deep and authentic and minister, getting into people’s heart of hearts in God-honoring ways?  Ways that bring glory to him, and not us? 

We CAN affair-proofing marriages, guard minds from inappropriate paths, watch the way we interact with other people, and set personal standards that set us apart as one who honors boundaries…these are the marks of a maturing Christian. 

If we are thriving or depending on anything other than the grace, joy, and hope of God to get us through our days (especially in regard to rehearsing things)…we need to take some time to examine .  We sing,

“All of you is/more than enough for/all of me/for every thirst and/every need/you satisfy me/with your love/and all I have in you/is more than enough“.  

Prove it to me.  Get your joy in the ways God intended.  Prove to me that’s where you are most filled…THAT is what brightens your face and puts the light in your eyes.

Author notes: I edited this several times as a result of feedback.  I value more of it.  But, even not being a skilled writer, the world deserves to know this is something to work through, and that there are those learning alone with you.  This article will likely be put to print, so I’ll add a tag I don’t normally consider:  All Rights Reserved. 

Other Useful Links:

Got Quetions?  What Does the Bible Say About Flirting?

Other Recommended Resources:  The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams.

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Related Topics:

 

What is an appropriate level of intimacy before marriage?

 

What does the Bible say about dating / courting?

 

How young is too young to be in a romantic relationship?

 

Are we supposed to be actively looking for a spouse, or wait for God to bring a spouse to us?

 

How will I know when I have found the perfect spouse for me?

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Questions about Relationships

Related ARTICLES by this blog author:

• How Do I Forgive a Crush on My Husband/Wife? (Boundaries to “Affair Proof” Your Marriage)
• The “Crush” and The Christian Marriage

How Do I Forgive a Crush on My Husband/Wife? (Boundaries to “Affair Proof” Your Marriage)

Question:

A woman asks of google a genuine question in a string search who landing, somehow, on my blog.  It’s deserving a genuine answer, and I’m not sure anyone has addressed it.  She asks,

“How do I forgive a woman who has a crush on my husband?”

So, what guidelines would you offer this lady?   If you find yourself, or friends there, what counsel do you have, if any?  Oh, crushes are “normal”?  Thoughts you might have:  It will pass.  Probably harmless.  Get over it.  You’re too sensitive.  Nothing wrong with a little casual flirtation now and then.  You’re too serious.

These are all responses I’ve heard in our culture.  We won’t go into whether these are right or wrong, but I’m not sure any of them are helpful to people nativigating the waters, or hurting.

“Forgiveness”:

Forgiving takes time in these situations.  To whatever degree, we have felt violated in an important area.  It’s a challenge for all of us.

Just keep working at relationships…they are the hardest work there is.  It’s a process.  But, worth it.   ”With God, all things are possible”.  (Bible, NT).

But, let’s extent this a little further, because it’s likely some “boundaries” here have been crossed that need some examination.

I’m going to start with a definition of the word “boundaries”. Boundaries are pre-determined, or common sense ways, or even intuition we carry that defines our “safe space”.  We have boundaries, almost like walled protection, around things inportant to us.  There are gates in the wall, where we may choose to let some people closer than others.  There are fences, perhaps internal to that, which also help give us the developmental and protective “space” we need in which to thrive.

Our “boundaries” as a couple should help protect our sense of safety.  If those have not been talked about or clearly discussed, now might be the time to read a marriage book together on the topic.  “BOUNDARIES” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend might be a good place to start.

Behavior that seems offensive to us needs to be dealt with.  A spouse should be willing to take whatever steps are necessary to help the other spouse feel safe within reasonable limits, depending on the severity of the fear.  We need to deal with the behavior first, and at the same time, begin working on our relationship with our spouse. THEN, we can deal with the other person at some point in regard to forgiveness.  For now, the person needs to be pushed as far and deliberately out of the picture as possible until the relationship feels solid again.  They see that we protect it first, then relationship can be attempted again until the walls and fences have been more clearly defined.  This is a process and sometimes a painful one.  But this in and out time period is important, especially where there is a three-some or four-some.  All the lines need to cross gracefully and respectfully.  Times of “apart-ness” need to test the commitment to primary relationships in the group.  It is, in some ways, a testing ground.  Will the marriage survive as primary?  It always should.   Never should, “you are just too jealous” be said.  Safe people do not get as squirm-ish.  Respect will generally flow from healthy relationships.  It is not a given.

We consider not only the space of the person we are dealing with, but also their spouse, for they are one.  God makes us “one” when we join in marriage.

Sensitivity and respect are necessary for us to interact in healthy ways in community, and it takes some experience and, as I said, some trial and error,  to navigate those waters.  With TV shows acting as if platonic and  deep cross-gender relationships outside the marriage should always be okay, we struggle to find what is Biblical.  The spouse needs to be the center of focus in any relationship.

Is my concern justified? Since I started this entry, I hear this question from people fairly often.  Your concern is likely justified if your radar keeps going up concerning the person.  It is justified if you are uncomfortable.  Don’t make “I’m right and you are wrong” statements.  But try to set up situations where you are more comfortable.  We are to respect one another’s weaknesses, scripture says.  Sometimes we are so bent out of shape in efforts to “not be a jealous spouse” that we don’t really protect our spouses, and our own hearts, as we should.  Often, one spouse will have discernment on an issue before the other does who is in the relationship.  Yes, people can get out of balance with insecurities, sometimes those seasons come and go, but we can honor each other as the Lord deals with them on insecurities.  We protect each other as a priority…we pray along with them, and we adjust.  Our marriage should be our most fulfilling relationship on earth, and it can be.  Work on it.

What does scripture actually say on this topic? First, Let me address my thoughts on what I believe is a mis-applied verse:  ”Love is not jealous” in 1 Cor. 13.  As far as I can tell, that verse does not mean that jealousy has no place in married life.  “Love is not jealous” applies to wanting what others have, being envious, or being inordinately, and possessively jealous, or hyper-paranoid.  However, jealously has a place in marriage.  God Himself is described as “a jealous God”, and he is also “love” defined.  How can these two co-exist?  Because he gave us the model for monogomous relationships.  We are to love Him first and foremost, about all else, forsaking all others.  He wants our marriages to follow that model, laying down all others for the good of our marriage.

Let me say this:  it can be counterproductive to tell an unobservant husband that some friend or lady appears to have a crush on him!  You might say, “lately I’m struggling with _________”.  Could you please watch and be sure around them for a while?  I just feel outside of that.  Timing is everything, tone is everything.  But, every so often, “the talk” needs to happen, if it is frustrating you to the point where you frequently worry.

First, pray for him that his eyes would be opened.

Second, pray for your marriage, that you will be as willing to learn, understand, and meet needs which may be unmet.

Thrid, instill frequent, fun times to lighten the tone and rekindle.

Fourth, pray for your own heart condition.  If you are jealous of appearance, weight, hair, dress, profession, charms…then deal with the jealousies in your heart. You may need some time to deal with those, and if you do, it calls for some time.  Deal with your stuff.

A word of caution:  Do NOT play,”get even” games with your spouse.  If he/she can get away with _______, I can have a little fun, too!  See how they feel!  This is no time for games and scores. It’s time to learn, mature, and grow into leaders together, influencing the world as you are called to do.

Family is God’s biggest calling on our lives…to learn to do it well, and LEARN TO ENJOY IT FULLY!  He wants us to have a good life together!  We can be happy together, or we can be miserable together, but we are called to stay together.  He gives us the tools to do it well.

I’ve gotten my tail feathers sprung here and there by others at times, just as you likely have.  I have a very faithful man and feel utterly safe as a rule, but a reality check:  if you think you or your spouse is beyond an affair, beyond stumbling or struggling, even if at just a heart level, think again.  We are all vulnerable–things happen; we are tested.  Each of us, on either side.  If either of you are rehearsing conversations, or looks or glances, or interactions…you know.  If you are thinking about a person’s assessment of you as you get dressed or groom, you know. If you are looking forward to conversations with the person, you know. If you are reacting to the person inordinately, or too often, you know.  There is no need for paranoia, but there is a constant need for heart checks, and…for boundaries.  God doesn’t tell us to be careful around temptations, he commands us to FLEE from them.  That doesn’t mean that we can’t enjoy people and anticipate having a good time when we are with them.  But, it does mean that we have self-examination to heed, or we may have a net set around our feet that is about to trip us up and tangle us up to the point that we have a very hard time seeing how it happened, or knowing how to get out without some broken bones.

Accountability

You may say to a close mentor, “Watch me for a while, I’m feeling tempted a lot lately and I need some prayer covering.”  They will.  You may need to be general about it, you may need to be more specific when the time calls for it.

Pro-Active Marriages Fare Better than Re-Active Ones:

We have to be pro-active in a culture whose divorce rates are soaring.  Pay the price for long term commitment. There is a lot at stake: witness, marriage, the family unit, example to your kids, the honor of Christ, and the happy, fulfilling, faithful living that God intended for us to have in all it’s fullness!

Formally Defining Boundaries

Couples will have to define together, and re-define initial boundaries here and there as life, situations, and needs change.   These help keep us in check if we see ourselves moving beyond what we agreed at one time were “safe” behaviors.  The set-point will call us back into check, or our spouse will!  Don’t get angry.  Praise God!

“We had agreed you would call before ever…to ask my permission” has powerful weight.  It will buy us time and often save us from situations that otherwise we might fall into for lack of good judgment or excuses.  “We are just good friends…everybody knows that”, etc.  “Other people do it”.  “It won’t hurt once.”  “This is a special circumstance”.  “I’m just…” , or “I was the only person to _____”.

At the risk of you taking a boundary that doesn’t apply to you, I’ll share one from my own marriage.  We always calls to ask my permission before riding alone with a person of the opposite sex, no matter who it is.  This often comes in handy to save either of us getting into a situation we don’t need to be in.  We simply say that we need to call home first and if the other isn’t comfortable, we simply say, “I’m so sorry, I’m going to have to get right home.  I hope you get it worked out.  If you still can’t find a ride, call US and WE’LL come rescue you!”  No need for the whys.  Just cover yourself with your spouse.

DO BOUNDARIES MAKE ME FEEL IRRESPONSIBLE, LIKE A CHILD?

I am not sure why spouses today seem to feel the need to “trust” one another to the point of not setting healthy boundaries, but that is a trend.  NOT having some boundaries WILL create trust issues.  If we know what the expectations are, we know how to please our spouse and protect them.  That FEELS GOOD.  It may prick short term when you feel “checked”, but it feels good long-term, when you stand the test, and your spouse feels secure.  When our primary aim is to honor our spouse, we do not feel “policed” as much as our marriage feels PROTECTED.  You will feel good knowing your marriage is something your spouse cares about saving!

How do you set “boundaries”?  What are you talking about? I gave you one example from our lives, it doesn’t have to apply to you.  Your work situation may call for it often.  It’s just one we have set.  Sometimes, it doesn’t matter what they are, it’s just that you are making yourself accountable and submissive to the terms of another person instead of doing your own thing, trusting yourself overly, in every situation.

I love this verse and the expansion the Ampified version of the Bible gives it:

Philippians 2:12
Therefore, my dear ones, as you have always obeyed [my suggestions], so now, not only [with the enthusiasm you would show] in my presence but much more because I am absent, work out (cultivate, carry out to the goal, and fully complete) your own salvation with reverence and awe and trembling (self-distrust, with serious caution, tenderness of conscience, watchfulness against temptation, timidly shrinking from whatever might offend God and discredit the name of Christ).

Again, I often hear one partner say of another, “She/He just doesn’t trust me.”

Friends, the truth of the matter we need to embrace, according to the word of God, is that we don’t even need to trust ourselves.

Hello?

Did you read that scripture?  Seriously.

What we CAN trust is the word of God.  Yes, we can pray for wisdom, receive it, act on it, “without wavering” as the book of James commends us to do.  We can trust things the Lord tells us to do and how He tells us to live.

It’s the everyday whims, interactions, and situations where we can get caught off-guard where we must be very careful.

The trust is, we are not a trust-worthy people by nature.  NONE of us. Don’t go comparing your spouse to someone else’s who doesn’t seem to be bothered or care about anything.  You are married to YOUR spouse.  Honor them.  Your concern is not the marriage down the street and what he or she “gets away with”.

Hopefully, we learn to become trustworthy and have a reputation that makes it easy for our spouse to relax somewhat.  But, it is the work of God in us constantly checking each of us that maintains a holy and goldy life, not something inherent to our character or some natural sense of faithfulness or goodness we think we possess. Scripture reminds us  “Therefore let anyone who thinks he stands [who feels sure that he has a steadfast mind and is standing firm], take heed lest he fall [into sin].” (1 Corinthians 10:12 AMP).

Disciplines help keep our hearts safe, making daily interactions easier.

MORE ON BOUNDARIES:

Boundaries can be common sense, or due to intuition, but not necessarily.  Realize that different people have different expectations, limits, and comfort zones for what makes them feel secure and safe.  Each spouse may have different needs.  Nevertheless, boundaries set for one will probably apply to the other to keep things feeling “fair.

Men and women have different basic needs, however.  Security is a primary need for most women in relationships.  Without it, waters are very rough for sailing!

SOME PROTECTIVE BOUNDARIES I’VE HEARD:

I’ll share some boundaries we’ve heard through the years that sold both of this on this idea.  See if these don’t show respect for a spouse.

“I do not go up an elevator with a woman alone when I am on business at hotels.  In that way, I am never tempted to deal with uncomfortable situations and I avoid even the appearance of evil”.  (Billy Graham said something to that effect, sorry I do not have the exact quote).

James Dobson has held similar guidelines for traveling alone.

Another I respected said, “At hotels, I have the cable turned off to my hotel room, or ask for the TV to be removed if that cannot be done to avoid inappropriate channel surfing.”  He just knew his curiousity was too high for the temptation when he was bored and alone.

Here is another many couples I know have taken on:  “I will not counsel a cross gender person on issues of their spouse, marriage, or intimacy issues.  I will defer those people to my spouse, or schedule times to talk when we are together.”  Some professionals, counselors, and church staff, must work around this issue in other ways, but for the general public, even deacons, this is often a good rule of thumb.  It cannot be entirely avoided, at times, but you can see warning signs, and divert care-givers to these people who are more healthy for them long-term.

CAN’T WE HAVE FUN?

Yes!  Living life well is fun!  There is no more fulfilling life.  Honor for the spouse is the priority.  These couples want to do whatever it takes to protect what is stated to be most important to both of them, especially for what they perceive to be “high-risk” situations.

Some people are geared to be, (or negligent in being, depending on how you want to view it) more “playful” than others.  Some “playfulness” can be tempered with maturity and exemplify priorities like love, respect, and honor for an esteemed spouse.  If the spouse is honestly not offended, carefully consider witness on this issue.  What you and your spouse may be strong enough to handle, young people, or young marriages around you may be playing with fire to try to emulate.  There is nothing so painful as seeing someone follow in your footsteps… and fall.  Nothing.

“Humanity”, or what is called simply”human-ness”, “attachments” can so entagle us that foolishness can start “looking wise in our own eyes”. We may feel that what is clearly common sense no longer applies to us.  For this reason, accountability with our spouse and others is so important…it holds us true to ground zero– “center”.

NEEDS:

While a spouse is not always at fault for the faithlessness chosen by a spouse, it is important to try to keep your relationship healthy.  A healthy marriage is a more resilient marriage.  A healthy marriage should make temptations easier to resist.  A healthy marriage should feel like something very much worth protecting in a world where they are hard to find.

I’m not sure that I can cover these topics in full here, but they are some ideas to prayerfully consider if you are struggling on either end of this spectrum, the offending spouse, or the one offended.

You are Changing and Growing:

Unmet, or even “created” “needs” can begin to dominate reasoning processes to the point where we are not using good sense.  In such a setting, excuses and reasonings can begin to sound like “God’s provision” when they are not.  A time like that isn’t logically a time to trust yourself.  It’s a time to use common sense.

I say “created needs” because your spouse, not another person, should be the first to know when your “needs” are changing. I also say “created needs” because Satan has a good way of creating or magnifying “needs” we may not even have known we had; now we suddenly “deserve” to have filled.  He trips us up.  He is not called “the deceiver” for nothing.  We become “me” centered…much more than usual. A breakdown begins.

Now, you may have to tell your spouse, even though someone else picked up on it first!  That’s okay!  It’s okay it they thought they “knew” you, and you’ve changed a little.  It’s okay if family responsibilities haven’t allowed them to see the person you’ve become.  Family life is very consuming.  They probably know you better than anyone on the planet, in fact!

Change is the maturing process of life, and we must choose to continue to reveal ourselves to one another, just as God reveals Himself to us along our path.  While He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, we are constantly “getting to know” Him!  Our marriages are just as rich. Celebrate that! Don’t just assume that you are “no longer in love” because someone along your path suddenly “knows you better” than your spouse may at any given moment.  Simply recognize this and to draw closer to your spouse, while possibly “blocking” any “intruder” to your faithfulness.

Arrange times to reveal yourself to your spouse, and give them opportunity to stay in love with the person you are becoming.

Don’t assume they will grow with you if you are not creating common pathways.  Build your lives around one another.  That’s how you stay married…not by walking in opposite directions for so long that you claim you’ve just ‘fallen out of love’.

Love is nurtured and built, not just dropped in our laps.  The most enduring loves must choose to grow together, and even choose to wait on one another to catch up to where we are at times.

One suggestion might be to try to arrange some marriage retreat time and work on new goals for your relationship together.  Take those times seriously when your spouse tries to talk to you.

Don’t go blaming your spouse for not meeting needs they didn’t realize you were having.

THE GIFT OF CONTENTMENT:

Don’t expect family life to feel like the same thrill as the dating stage was!  You have a lifetime of work cut out for you, especially those of you raising children or caring for aging family members.

Realize that there is a great stability and calm and reliability to the “sameness” of marriage…enjoy it’s benefits without wishing for times that are past, with all their moodiness, unpredictability, and…dare I say, expense?

Learn the art of contentment.  “Godliness with contentment [NIV] (that contentment which is a sense of inward sufficiency) is great gain. “(I Timothy 6:6 AMP).  What does “inward sufficiency” come from if not from Christ who is our “all” and “all in all”?  Letting Christ be your completion fills the holes of these times if you will let him, sometimes, while the dust settles and things calm.  Continuing to allow access to your life by a third person while saying you are “trusting Christ” probably only means you are fooling yourself.  If someone has come in between you and your spouse, cut off the relationship.

While growing together, also learn to appreciate the joy of being able to rest in your marriage relationship without expecting it to constantly maintain the “spark” of a new relationship.  In marriage, there will be moments of “spark”, but there will also be days of “work” and “mood” and “sickness”.  This is marriage.

“Growing Apart”

Getting too attached to someone outside the marriage can, and most likely WILL interfere with relationship with our own spouse.  Suddenly, someone else knows more about what is going on with us than our spouse does, and there is great danger in that.  I am not referring to professional counseling situations that are needful, but those need to be examined.

Keep the focus what, or rather WHO, should be the focus.

Yes, I believe that your marriage partner SHOULD be your best opposite gender friend.  If he/she is not, there is much room for improvement, and much room for caution.

Needs:

Let’s talk some more on “needs”.  How can we find out what our needs are?  A book I recommend is,  His Needs Her Needs:  Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.

This is a book to be completed in a marriage class.  A strong leader guiding a class through this book can build you up, hold you to task, challenge you, and take you higher than you’ve ever been in relationship with your spouse.  You’ll come out a different couple.

You might be asking, does every single need we have get met in marriage?  Not entirely.  But there is a healthy cluster of “need-meeting” that defines who we are as a couple…it builds us up, and is basic to the health of a marriage.  “Need-meeting” can be greatly improved for most of us so that we are “satisfied” (even without being married to the “perfect spouse”…and no one is “perfect“!

We all have strengths and weaknesses, things we need to improve on.

THE PROBLEM WITH “STARTING OVER”

Did you know that second marriages a greater chance statistically of also failing?  Third marriages even more so!  Let the one go, and cling to the cherished “spouse of your youth” as Proverbs says.  Make a commitment to just keep getting better!  You can do it together.

There is, actually, no “starting over”.  What happens in all our relationships, we carry with us through life…they become part of who we are and have become.  They help  make us, form, and shape us.  This is why scripture encourages us to be careful who our friends are, for we will become like them.  We become “one” when we marriage in God’s eyes.  There is nothing to make us “un-one” with him.  We take remnants of that with us wherever we go.  Childen still embrace both parents and their “ONE” family of origen.  We cannot take that from them.  To try to do so is very harmful, even to adulthood.  Imagine the discomfort of not being able to suddenly discuss one parent interaction in front of the other without a tinge of bitterness and anger in every conversation.  How miserable for children!  To learn to love is the better choice, when it is physically and emotionally possible to do so.  I am not speaking here of long-term situations of abuse or severe cases of neglect.

HIS life; HER life…

Some couples seem to isolate certain areas of their personal lives as “my zone”.  That is okay, but also take care to have interests and hobbies you share together, even if it isn’t your “thing”…support your spouse.  Learn about their interests.  Be a cheerleader.  Enjoy watching them do what they do well.  Celebrate their interests on occasion.  Take some part of the most fun things in their life.  Value the whole of who they are.

HOPE: God offers hope for marriage.  It is His design.  It is the best design.  It is not trouble-free, and it can easily be threatened.  It is God’s commitment to make it work, in His ways, His time.

Who are we to question what He has given?

We have to do it His way or satisfaction will not to follow.

His standards.

You have been made aware:  hormones and emotional attachments can grow strong!  So, don’t tempt the human being you are.  Respect it.  Flee from temptation.

Don’t dance with it for the joy of the song.  Turn off the music and walk back to your spouse.  Find your music there!  It is playing, however quietly.

A Biblical principle :  “to honor family above all else is to honor God above all else.”

Honor God by setting yourself up to stay “honorable”.

HOW IT BEGINS:

Nobody sets out one day to have an affair.  Lines are crossed.

Pride is our enemy.

Reasoning takes it’s toll.

Boundaries are about learning how to do battle BEFORE trouble takes hold.  Few recover after it does.  Though some do.  Learn how to recover if you fall.

Learn how to pull away when you need to.  It is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.  Character is learned.  Pass the tests!

Remember that it is YOUR marriage.  You two have to make the rules to some degree.  You are not responsible for setting them for everyone else and judging them for not following guidelines that work for you.

Boundaries you set are for the protection and honor of your marriage and spouse. Think about sticky situations in advance together so that you consider how to respond in ways that honor the Lord and your marriage. God says there is no test where they is not a way out.  Plan the escape routes NOW!  Rehearse the words you will say–rehearsed or prepared responses may save the day.  They will allow you to say, “This is how I treat everyone to honor my spouse, it’s not personal.”

While these ideas are meant to be read in the context of cross-gender interactions for married couples, some of them are safe principles to keep in mind even for single folks out there.

Some Guides that May Help

• VEHICLES: there is usually a same gender person who can help run the errand, go get the car, or take you home.  It’s too big a set-up if it happens frequently.  No, it doesn’t look co-dependant to call a spouse and ask for permission.  Just don’t volunteer or say “I’ll get back to you in a few minutes on that” if someone asks.  I went into detail as to how you can phrase this above, so I won’t repeat that here.
• MEALS: Eating meals together over conversation, drinking coffee or having break time with one person primarily and often during breaks is a set up.  Recognize the ways we set ourselves up and steer clear.  In most parts of the country, even the “business lunch” can be avoided in favor of safer situations.  Join groups, wait for you spouse or another person to show up.
• SUPPORT: A frequent one I’ve seen that spells trouble:  young moms at church during socials and meals.  Develop and look for supportive people who are healthy for you.  Even a well-meaning deacon can get in the way striving to do nothing more than “serve” initially.  Deacon wives, step in.  Be available to young moms.
• PHONE CALLS: Keep calls pointed.  When points of dead air time are there with no reason to remain on the phone, it’s time to excuse yourself and get back to work.  Don’t extend conversations into involved personal matters if it doesn’t apply to the two of you, and even if it does, don’t make those calls frequent or prolonged.  Deal with it, let your spouse know there is something up (say you are on a ministry team together and need to work something out).  Feel free to ask about their family in general, but don’t delve deeply into personal issues, family issues,  or behavioral issues–invite the couple over to supper and interact as groups if that support is needed.  Deep issues need to be handled with those trained to do the job and truly provide help needed.  Don’t connect with an opposite gender person more than it seems their spouse is–VERY easy to do with IMs, blogs, chat rooms and texting!
• PERSONAL CONVERSATIONS: Don’t talk cross gender about marriage problems, struggles, and frustrations.  You cannot be a safe brother or sister if their heart is hurting.  Send someone who is appropriate if you sense a need, even if you can’t break the confidence…send relationships their way, and trust God with them. Assure them you and your spouse will pray.  Try to shift or cut off the conversation if you need to.  If you are a minister…find good training, have great accountability, keep working at building a strong marriage , and stick to strong personal boundaries.  Have co-ministers who ask you hard questions. and help you vent stresses.
• WATCH SHOWING OFF YOUR SPOUSE: This may sound absurd on first thought, but affair-proofing marriages means you are careful to not create dissatisfaction for the brother or sister who has it hard in that area.  By all means, brag on your spouse as God leads!  In doing so, just try to be sensitive to not provoke jealousy one on one with your co-worker.  Solomon made this mistake, and brought vulnerability on himself when he he showed off even the secret storage rooms of his castle to visitors, noting to them everything he had.  He held nothing back from them.  His castle was invaded shortly thereafter.  Learn from Solomon’s example when it comes to your marriage.
• THE WORKPLACE:  Consider the “open-door” policy.  If you have an office…leave the door open as much as is possible for meetings, talks, and interactions.  Don’t make other Christians cringe with the playful way you interact at work.  Treat people honorably.  Act as if your spouse were present.
• PRAYER: Learn how to pray non-emotionally.  This can feel backward in light of attempts toward authenticity.  But if you need to pray for someone cross gender, be very careful.  Heart ties are formed very easily in prayer, both healthy and unhealthy ones.  Point them to strength of God…not the strength found in hearing YOU pray.  You don’t need to be SuperPerson, Hero of the Day, or The Lone Ranger.  Let a spouse or other “safe people” be the one to “reach their heart” in prayer, or hunt down your spouse before the time of prayer…this honors and values their involvement in your ministry.  You are “one”!
• COMPLIMENTS: this is an area of high need for most people.  Seasoned and matured people have learned to deal with stray flattery and even honest compliments.  We all want and need to be complimented.  But beware of frequent compliments toward the same person or received FROM the same person too often.  Be aware that many spouses do not meet this need well.  Don’t make someone stumble in an attempt to build them up.  Be sensitive and pray for wisdom.  You can be an encourager to people without causing them to stumble.  Strive for this goal.
• SERVICE: In general, men need to take care of men, and women need to meet the needs of women, or couples need to work in pairs.  Jump in there.  Don’t be shy.  If your church doesn’t support this model, gently nudge from time to time and see if doors open for you.
• SPOUSE SUPPORT: Get to know the people your spouse serves — let them know you; be open.  You might take treats to his office, where that may be helpful.  Show yourself to be taking care of him, not pulling him down.  If He has female staff, they will respect and honor you for your commitment to and love for, him. Call during lunch.  Show regular,  priority in these things toward your spouse.  When you honor each other, others will honor your relationship as well.
• DRESS: Pray about what you need to wear each day.  If God doesn’t give you a complete peace about it, stop and change, even if you are in a hurry.  This deals more with women than men, but to many men as well.  If YOU are the focus of your dress rather than the function you need to perform that day, reconsider WHY you are dressing the way you are.  What need are you trying to meet, and should it be met outside of your marriage?  If you are hoping to be noticed and given attention…discipline yourself, and allow God to help grow you to maturity so that you aren’t causing someone else’s spouse to stumble.  Reject the “it you’ve got it, flaunt it” notion, or it’s partner that says you can play up one suite to compensate for lack of strength in another.  The goal is modesty and appropriateness so that no one stumbles.  Women can provoke jealousy and frustration with other women by not respecting these sensitivities.  If you want to flaunt what you’ve got, save it for date night with your spouse.  No one else needs to see you flaunting.   Be well dressed.  Take care of yourself.  Be lovely.  Be handsome and well groomed.  Take good care of yourself and your appearance, only guard the reasons behind what you are doing.

Some of these are to discuss as a couple, some are to prayerfully consider yourself over time.

God bless you as you strive for the joy and happiness God planned for you and yours!

Other Resources:

Focus on the Family (www.FOTF.org)  They have awesome real-life testimonies and tapes

“Marriage Partnership” is a Christian-based magazine which you can subscribe to.  Great “bathroom” reading.

Email, or comment below.  I appreciate your thoughts and will pray for you.

About the author:  “Magnanimity” is a personal blog from a stay-at-home Mom with BS degrees in Individual & Family Development/ Family, & Consumer Finance.  The word “Magnanimity” is a bi-word reminding her to live life purposefully according to scriptural principles. She is married to a wonderful man, and they raise three children together, she plays keyboard in her church band, and has a new chocolate lab named Daisy who will soon weigh more than she does (note: she doesn’t like dogs in particular.)  She does like a lot of hazelnut and vanilla cream, AND sugar in her decaf coffee (a coffee wimp, in other words).

Other related blog entries on related subjects:

The Crush and The Christian Marriage

How Do I Forgive a Crush on My Spouse? (Boundaries in Marriage)

Christian Dress:  I Need to Feel Sexy: Meeting a Real Need

Christian Dress (Part 2): Some Practical Examples

How Do I Get My Spouse to (               ):  Working Together Toward a Spectacular Marriage

Safe & Successful Christian Blogging: Thoughts & Tips

THOUGHTS ON SAFE & SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN  BLOGGING

Blogging is a great outlet for the person who needs/wants to connect with others, share, learn, digest information, or gain some accountability for life.  It is for the person who needs to “process” thoughts and information to stay healthy.  It is for the aspring writers who like to practice writing and even get a few cheers along the way.  It’s great for the professional who works a lot,  or the stay at home mom who finds energy to socialize at odd hours. 

Obviously, inherent to blogging and any Internet community, there is the element of risk and responsibilty.  Sticklers for such a fun excercise, but are wise to weight some thoughts and directions we can go.   

There are those of you, who, like me, have friends who have met people of the opposite sex online or who have had inappropriate things happen on line or by email…it is a concern not to be taken lightly.  Even the most guarded can fall into trapps of too much emotional closeness, even online.  We have to have healthy relational boundaries and even be able to pull away from folks who are pulling at our heartstrings…I’m speaking in regard to those of the opposite gender.   Just because there is no physical proximity doesn’t mean we aren’t pulling people away from their families, or them ours.   Priorities with time and in steering people toward appropriate resources are a skill we much learn as we become skilled ministers. 

 As our pastor says, “Don’t live in fear…that is not of God; DO be wise and use caution.”   

Blogging DOES provide accountability over straight email or IMs.   There are records of conversations and interations…in and others read…in that sense, it’s a great tool. 

A FEW GUIDELINES TO CONSIDER:

These are a few things I do to stay healthy and balanced (most of the time).  They are not ultimatums.  You may try some, all, or none of them, but hopefully it will challenge you to think about what it right and good for you and yours.  

Invite your spouse to your blog…send them your link at work to posts of fun family blogs, pictures they’d enjoy thatyou’ve posted.  Many spouses don’t have time to read a lot at work and don’t want to read a women’s world, but one or to links to specific posts a month keeps them involved with something tender and personal in your life.  Invite them to read anytime.  Sometimes when I seem tired or hard to understand, I’ll find my husband reading my blog to get a sense of what’s been nagging at me.  To write, in general, is often easier for me than talking.

Except for odd circumstances, I would not keep your blog a secret or something totally foreign to your spouse.   

Why?  You ask.  Well,  we are sharing intimate things about ourselves and our lives.  Helping readers identify and connect with us can lead us to say strange things, some we should not be writing.  For instance, once, early in blogging. I read a Christian lady’s blog who said, “I was salivating sitting there, pumping my gas, as I watched a couple men in their masculine uniforms walking out of the gas station, drinking their Orange Crushes, that hot summer afternoon.”  She followed that with,  “I hope my husband never reads this!  That’s why I don’t tell him about my blog!” 

We all know you are human and “real” without that.  Skip it.  Honor your family and your man. 

Invite accountability partners to your blog. Blogs are a good break from the normal, but my close friends who read and can check up on me keep it real, honest, and accountable.  Ask for checks from close friends so that you don’t get lost in cyberspace!  Yeah, it can be addictive at times!  Hard to imagine, eh?
 

Be sensitive. Be yourself, let your hair down, but…you are publishing. We can vent, but this is not a private journal.  While thoughts are often unfinished, in process, tired, or frustrated…guard yourself, or edit as the Holy Spirit leads.  More than once, I’ve written in frustration, gone to shower or work in the yard, and have to prance my little self right back to the screen to edit something that could be taken personally or the wrong way, and the Holy Spirit reminds me.  Follow that lead.  When I don’t listen, I get calls and wish I’d listened.  It’s not paranoia most often, it’s a ”check”, at least for me.   Now, some out there will say:   “Blog real, don’t go back and edit.  Just let it fly.  That’s what makes blogging so real and fresh.” 

I don’t advise blogging for discussing relational problems.  You can blog vaguely, but use caution.  Use Bibilical guidelines for solving problems.  Don’t embarrass even people who’ve been rude and thoughtless to you.  Email the person…better yet, talk, get together, pray, wait on the Lord, or just ignore them.  Blogging about it can hurt them, and will stress you and others.  

Here’s a big one:  Christian blogging is not a place to be someone else, or create an alter ego who is some fantasy person. It IS a place to continue to be real and honest.  

The tricky thing:  Having said that, I do not use my own name to try to protect privacy of my family and pics of my kids, but I try to stay true to who I am and invite real women I trust who keep me in check by hanging out here and commenting or emailing.  Whether or not to use your own name is a personal choice.  There is not a “right” choice for everyone.  Ialso volunteer for international ministries, some areas not secure.  If you plan to do that and ever link to your own blog…security has to be a consideration for you.  So…let wisdom and your comfort level guide.

How to Create Safe Community:   Link to families who demonstrate a commitment to family with their honoring pictures, positive affirmations, and life building.  I’m not saying they never voice a frustration, but consistent edification (encouragement) needs to be seen, especially between spouses.  Use blogging to build your family or gain support for it, not tear it down. 

Actually, since I started, I’ve found myself more and more THANKFUL for my family.   I CELEBRATE FAMILY!  It’s a great way to do that.  I love to honor them with words that will last.

Keep email exchanges healthy.  Many blogs today do ask for your email address, so don’t comment unless you have a plan to protect your address.  Choose an email address and even a “from” title in your emails which does not reveal your name, especially if you are a young lady.  I would only comment on blogs which show a strong commitment to family and Christian/family values, or have another plan in place…I’ll share mine next:

Create an alternate family email address to use on-line.  I use another .com service bounces all my mail to my primary service.  My cost is about $10.00US a YEAR for the second account.  Why?

1. When I sign up for things on the net, I’m not giving out my primary email. 
2. Mail goes through several spam filters before it gets to me. 
3. Dependability:  Double email is great for travel or outages of my primary service.  Often mail that is too large for my primary address is not too large for email.com.
4. I can check the some email when I’m out of town I need to with my webmail account.
5. Web mail is safer than using my primary account which has my real name on it.  I’m not blogging for fame or name recognition anyway.  Protecting names, location and pictures of me and my kids is important at times.  
6. Use a “web name” to comment if you are more comfortable for any reason. 
7. Finallly, you do NOT have to list your location on most blog services.  Just say “US” or “Western US” or something if you want.

How Do I Choose a Blog Address or Name?   Keep name choices family-oriented if you want to stay safe, especially as a woman. (Calling yourself “hot thing” is probably not going to help you stay safe, though it may make you feel great and hubby may call you that.)  Addresses?  I am 5purposedriven.  Note the FIVE.  Anyone who reads knows immediately that I’m committed to this little unit we call “family”.  Then, the blog spot is “Magnanimity” with the definition in the sidebar.  Something like that gives indication to your commitments and helps draw in people with similar standards and will probably bore others (unfortunately, and fortunately).   We all go through seasons when we are more vulnerable at times–these things help protect.

Other Random Tips

1. Watch the types of pics you post of yourself, especially full body shots.  I would only post a head shot or part of a head shot in my profile pic.  If you post on down toward your cleavage, it is hard for people to not think “visually” when they read the blog.    Pics of just you can be distracting to readers, or a spouse who walks by and wonders why there is a full bodied person of any kind on the screen.   
2. You can encourage your spouse to blog, and link to each other.  This is a great idea, and it works for some people not others.  Great way for young parents to stay connected.  (It doesn’t work for us–my husband doesn’t have time to write.  He’s too busy keeping me in line.)
3. Blogging Frequency:  Evaluate your blog goals each season.  Ask God to guide your pacing.  Is family your top priority?  Take a break if he says take a break.  Let readers know if you plan on a break and for how long.  Regular posting keeps blog communities and your link “alive”.  Encourage readers to subsribe to bloglines so that they can follow you no matter how often (or infrequently) you post.  No big deal, just stay consistent with posting, or explain your goals.
4. Comments:  And this is hard:  keep the encouragement flowing, but keep it short and to the point.  Be careful of flirtatious or frequent joking and banter in comments cross gender, even to keep a site upbeat and funny.  It’s easily mis-ead if comments are ”out there”, constantly drawing attention.  Your tone with others sets others tone in commenting.  So…be wise.
5. Don’t be afraid to disagree with the writer or expand on what they say, especially after you’ve demonstrated good rapport on the site.  That’s what keeps blogging fun and works your mind.  Healthy comments round out a blog and expand the thoughts of a cranky, tired, or frustrated one (of which I have been!). 

CONTENT:  How do I write?  About what?

• Mix content.  Some people say to keep your blog limited to a narrow subject matter in order for it to be successful.  I disagree in Christian blogging.  I think it’s good to keep yourself and your posts well rounded to maintain readership.  I’ve seen over and over again where people will pass up fifteen formal looking article links to get to one Google choice that seemed “real”–a healthy discussion from a real person with real people commenting and discussing rather than some “directive” a church or business published on the same subject.  Real.  Authentic. Relevant.  Thoughtful.
• Use some Scripture:  Use it, work it in, but be careful and mix it into your post well.  Keep access to truth there as you think and consider.  Show people how to use the word, and how God uses it, the body of Christ, and and prayer in your life.  Don’t use churchy language on every single post…just talk about your life, or problems, or interests.  (This is a personal preference…some keep different blogs for different things, and there are reasons for that as well.)    
• Comments are life to the blog, but they are not everything. I’ve heard it say that healthy commenting indicates a healthy and active blog.  I disagree.  Sometimes the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to commenting.  Sometimes, it’s obvious you are not wanting to socialize that day–people respect that in a thoughtful post.  It depends some on YOUR personality.  But people still read.  I get several hundred “first click” hits here a day…but I’ve not emphasizing commenting.  It also depends some on how many people locally who get the comments going.  I’m in an area not as exposed to blogging, and have not advertised with local friends…that makes a difference.  People aren’t accustomed to “commenting” to make blog interactions bounce back and forth.   A sitemeter can help guide you as to what your most effective blogging entries are.  www.Sitemeter.com is a great service and does an excellent joy, especially for blogger users.  Other services like typepad and WordPress have statcounters built in.  
• A blog CAN also be healthy with NO people visiting!  It just depends on what you want to use it for, and the direction it is going.  A personal journal doesn’t need any visitors, though it may get a few here and there.  You do NOT have to list the blog publically so that it is not listed with search engines.  A search engine can still pick it up, but it’s not nearly as likely as when RSS readers are picking it up.  You can turn On or OFF the RSS feed.  If you are a private person, turn it off.  If you want to evangelize, keep it ON.
• Encourage commentors.  A short note saying: “Thanks for visiting! I like the insight!” using your alias email account can help people feel welcome and valued.  Encourage new commentors with something simple. I’ve not had a problem with this getting out of hand with blogging, but email can get out of hand with a “needy” person. 

Review:  SiteMeter.com or Statcounter.com (free online trafficking tools)  You won’t get names, but you see address locations of incoming clicks, view search terms used to find you, and see other fun information you’ll become addicted to enjoy.

WITH SECURITY CONCERNS AND LIMITED TIME?  WHY BLOG?

Ultimately, because God leads you to.  If He wants you to invest “life” in anything…you just know it’s for you.  Beyond that thought, connecting with people in the body across the globe is a good idea. 

• It increases the “oneness” of the body of Christ across the world. 
• It lets people “see” our lives who never could or would otherwise. 
• The body of Christ is not utilizing technology enough.  It’s free, it’s real, it’s out there.  We need to have a presence!

We have the honor and responsibility to disciple, support, teach, and help others.  Do we really want non-Christians to learn about “real life” from tabloids and TV!  (Last night, a commercial said  “really live in Vegas!”  …I’m just sayin’.)

Be “in and not of”.

TIME: 

Purpose takes time.  Anything does.  Blogging can take TOO MUCH time, depending.  I’ve gotten out of balance with it on occasion–meaning, beyond what I thought God was calling me to at the time at the sacrifice of my family, or other responsibilities (just maintaining a computer has that effect on most of us).   Again, just take a break if you need it, letting readers know you are taking some time off if they are expecting you.  Do other things.  “Life”  keeps you alive and balanced.! Ultimately, your time is the Lord’s, so just listen to him!  Habits or entertainment or obligatory service to fill your time can’t surpass obedience, right?  That’s where the real life is! 

SPAM:    Mine is awful.  I get 100 spam comments a day at this point and I do not try to go fetch good comments which may have been caught by Askiment…Wordpress’s attempt to “help”.  Blogger uses either letter verification or comment moderation…you can turn those on to help.  It’s a pain, but part of web life.  I just choose to delete without reading at all these days.

BLOGGING FOR GROUPS?  ABSOLUTELY!

You can have multiple authors on a site.   Multiple moderators.  Multiple pages hosting multiple blogs.  You can do Bible study, keep youth groups connected through college years…keep people updates on the progress of a ministry!  There are all kinds of creative ways to blog.

TO CLOSE:

Ask me questions here or here!  Join in!

(See how I just EMBEDDED, “hid”,  my email address under a “link”?  This is easy, and helps with spam.)

READERS:  WHAT SAFEGUARDS HAVE YOU USED IN THE PAST AND FOUND HELPFUL?

I’d love to have more local leaders using blogging as a tool and resource for groups. Get in touch if you want more information as to how you can set them up.  (You can have as many contributing authors as you like and still maintain administrative license.)

Christian: “Sexy” Resources

Other Sources to Review for “The ‘Sexy’ Christian Girl”

“How Do I Get My Spouse to ______!”

Fellow Bloggite writes: 

I was attempting to do some of my sex Bible study today(note the word “attempting”–out of 10 questions, I was able to answer 3 with numerous interruptions).  Anyway, one scripture in it could relate to any area we need improvement: 

“Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.”  Psalm 26:2  (Great verse for this!)

On another note, a topic about “training” our husbands might be helpful.  Not to make them henpecked, but just to help them NOTICE when we need some help, to WANT to help out and “be there”.  My father-in-law, for instance, does the dishes often and every Friday evening, he helps clean up the house.  There’s no asking on my mother-in-law’s part–he just steps in and does it.  I think it makes us women feel so much more valued when our spouses pitch in and really get involved with the “family thing”.  When we feel more valued, we don’t have to search for value in outer appearances, etc.  The hard part is, how do we “teach” our husbands these things without causing tension or guilt? (emph. added by “me”)

Good question!  Truth be told, most of us want to be superwomen and hold it all together.  Yet, and at the same, WE NEED HELP to get beyond basic survival, must less look like SuperWoman!  

I’m not sure I CAN say it better than you did.  So men, how do you help your wife “look like” SuperWoman without making her feel like she can’t handle it?

Hmmm. Be her most useful sidekick?  Find a way.  Be creative.

I had written on this very thing and decided to include it in “safeguards” (yet to be published).  I’ll tackle it here today some since it’s fresh on your minds, and I really think I can tackle it better from this angle anyway.

Wives, remember the verses that said we were to think of and treat our husbands (The “Crush”…?)  This is key to remember.  When we share priority needs for the season of life we are in with each other, adjusting expectations to honor where our mate is as well, we ”honor” each other. 

In sharing our priorities needs for the season of life we are in, we help each other be effective with the limited time and energy available.  None of us can get every top ten needs met every day, every month, every quarter (sometimes).  Hopefully, “regularly” you can both learn how to meet each other’s priority needs (or God will adjust your “needs” or your schedule).  

Hopefully, priority and commitment reigns so that patience and hope can be there. 

Hopefully, through all the busyness, crankyness, fatigue and work…there is an undercurrent of joy and faith and security that comes from building marriage and family together as a top priority. 

Note:  All of your life can be “about” the other person indirectly (even “directly”), yet you still may not be meeting their key relational and family needs.  It’s your job to find out what they are, and try to meet them by the grace of God.  Learn to do it better and better.  No one is an “expert” at being married.  It is a continual growth process for us all.  Are you committed to still learning?  Can you gently and graciously lead and influence your spouse to keep learning?  Sure you can–by the grace of God.  

Having said that, there are some seasons of life and marriage where you have to go into ”survival mode”, learning perseverance, simply surviving tough season.  They can be solder fixing the stain glass of your marriage together…otherwise, glass shatters.  The series “Survivor” comes to mind, goals much the same:  to make it to the end and get a lot of votes for “best effort”! No one wants to be voted off!  Learn to work well with others!  Learn to receive grace.  Learn to forgive.  Learn to influence.  Learn to restore.  Learn…to learn.   

There is no way to make living with a house full of children or teens anything less than a full time job.  It’s exhausting, stretching the limits of homelife.  You can learn to appreciate and value it, and even find joy in it.  But, it WILL wear on BOTH of you (if you’ve spent some real time with these kiddos past the ice cream and hot dog stage into the veggies required stage).  Teaching children is HARD.  Make it fun, play games, stay creative…it’s still hard and gets exhausting.  It took many mature people validating this message for me over five years for me to really understand that it IS hard.  Young family life IS SUPPOSED to look and be stressful–keep trying to do it well…you get one shot!  What I am saying is:  in my fine degree in Individual and Family Development, nobody ever mentioned that it was supposed to drive you to your limit,  over, and over, and over, again– every hour of every day.  There is this surreal dream of Mommy with babies and happy husband,in apron enjoying cooking.  Then, there is reality.  I won’t even describe it.  You know it!

Who knew a small family was going to zap every ounce of energy out of my body, make me exhausted, moody, and at times, unbearably cranky and rude?  I didn’t want to be around MYSELF!  Marriage can be great at this stage, but we do have to work on our preconceived notion of “great”.  “Great” involves an undercurrent of peace, joy, grace, forgiveness, security, togetherness, and selflessness, or it’s anything BUT great.

It takes commitment and perseverance to make it.  We are still “growing up” a lot as a young and middle aged adults!  We all have a lot to learn.     

Did you know that we shape one another as mates?  No, nagging is not appreciated by either spouse and doesn’t work.  Constant whining and complaining is sin–to “shape” and influence people–we all need to be “believed in”.  So, how do we influence each other? 

Here are a few tips:

• Tip #1:   Plan “dates” for the sole purpose of “reconnecting” relationally.  Yup–Scratch the movie if you are short on relational time.  A date is not a date if you can’t ”catch up” where you need to.  Get back on track.  If you don’t talk together about what’s going on in your life, your own goals, times you struggle and need practical help or a boost, don’t expect to get support.  And, change may not occur the first, or second, or third discussion you have.  Influence and change come slowly.  Be patient and understanding with each other, adjust expectations if you need to, and keep trying together to meet common goals.  But, if you don’t know what the other person needs and where you can be a friend, there little chance of greatness in your relationship and a great chance for error if someone else fills that role.  Keep being real with each other.  Take the risk…of sharing, of being disappointed.  All relationship is risk.  Relationship is the hardest work their is…even (or especially?) if you are married.
• Tip #2:  Realize that both of your time and energy is very limited.  We all only have a certain amount of “other people energy” for one given day, so how are you using yours?  Let each other know, for that day, what you need the most for your “reserved time” and what factors change your mind and needs some days.  Help your mate understand you.  He/she can’t be taught if you don’t understand yourself.  Stay in the word.  Read.  Learn.  Share.  Try.  Communicate.  Be honest.  Start again.    
• Tip #3:  Be a help mate to your spouse.   Most young moms (or moms with young kids) need HELP.  A “helpmate” (Genesis 1:1).  A rescue.  A knight in shining armor to save the day (and take a restless toddler who is bored with our attention while we finish supper?). Most men enjoy a woman who will support him in his projects, lending a hand, “play” with him and just have fun, listen, understand, be available to take the kids if he needs ”honey do” project time.   Support each other.  Let him…let her…get a nap, if needed.  Be selfless in your rest time.  Keep it balanced.  Let her get away or have some “self time” to refresh.  And, after you are refresh, give back to the family in some way.  Reward your family for taking care of you.  If the family is rewarded for your “break”, that is a good incentive to keep it going. 
• Tip #4:  Learn “The 5 Love Languages” (book by Gary Smalley and John Trent) and/or “consider priority needs”.  For a long time, my husband and I were giving our ”best” to each other, only to realize later, the effort was appreciated, but because it didn’t meet the highest need of the moment, frustration occurred rather than appreciation and thanks.  That “gift of love” or well-meaning plan fell flat due to lack of attention, planning, working together, and communication.  Yes, it’s still stressful to this day learning to get things done together and keep all the plates spinning, but we’re getting better.   Say: “We really need this done first, please.  Guests will be here in 10 mintes and we don’t have much time”.  In general, we may really like that skill, trait, or hobby in our spouse…but, in the moment, priority needs reign.  Be there.  Be a help mate, and enjoy your role.
• Tip #5:  Play together.  If you both work and help one another catch up on jobs, you can both snuggle up and watch something on TV before bedtime.  Reward the work.  It’s not needed every night, but if you are needing a boost, try it for a while. 

For a great, vibrant, healthy marriage, do the work of discussion and response.  Risk.  Try again.  Talk again.  Smile again.  Go at it again, and again, and again. 

How often should we have a “goal” talk, you might ask?  Talk… weekly, once a quarter, twice a year, or once a year…whatever your marriage needs and you can both cheerfully handle. 

Final Note:  All seeds need seasons and a good growing environment to mature.  Don’t expect change in your spouse to happen overnight; do have and keep great expectations for your marriage!  Without vision, marriages perish (To apply a Biblical truth).  Keep build and repairing and caring for the most valuable asset you have.  

Value that sidekick, Superheroes!

What does it means to “honor” your spouse?  Is it just a courtesy?  Do you honor your spouse with your decisions, priorities, time, speech, jokes, commitments?

I’d love to hear you!  Let me know if this has been helpful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Other articles in this series you might like to check out:

The Crush and the Christian Marriage 

Christian Lifestyle:  I Need to Feel Sexy

Christian Dress (Part 2):  Follow Up Notes

(Link to a review of 1st two chapters of Study mentioned in intro)

How Do I Forgive a Crush/Boundaries in Marriage

Christian Dress: Questions Answered (pt. 2)

 A follow up discussion to I’m a Christian:  What Do I Wear?   These are just some thoughts to get you thinking.  I hope it helps you not shut the door on the issue of considering what to wear to honor those of the opposite sex as they try to protect their eyes, hearts, and minds.

Styles change and fluctuate.  At times all of us have to get used to some styles of dress that may have not been acceptable or were considered “risque” in the past.  Check. But, know this: women will eternally have sensual zones most men tend to respond to (neck, bare shoulders, a lot of skin, bare abdomen, lower back, breasts, thighs (yes, breast and thighs…like a chicken, but no wings).  Girls, be aware.  If you are bare, realize how carefully you are going to need to carry yourself.  And realize how you will be percieved.  Be comfortable and confident in what you wear.  But, protect your feminine “power”.  It is a gift. 

Want to know how to feel sexy and be totally satisfied and fulfilled?  Save yourself for marriage, not just in sex, but the sharing of sensual zones (for the most part, I’ll explain later) for your husband’s pleasure.  And, let him appreciate not just your “hot factor”, but the joy and safety of your “discretion”.  New word?  That is:  knowing what is appropriate for given situations.  Will you falter and fail here and there?  Probably.  Will you still be sexy to somebody?  Probably.   You don’t lose “discretion”, though…you keep building it into your character. 

NO!  You are not always responsible for someone’s response or reaction to you, but sometimes you are.  And you can help and/or tame some problems.  Take responsibility for your part in becoming who you need to be to be an effective tool in building the kingdom of God.  You are a whole person…all of you.  Don’t separate our ministry from sensuality from other parts of you.  Become one whole walking, breathing testimony of your commitment to Christ in all you say and do. 

Be aware, as much as the world wants you to focus on it constantly, your being sexy is not God’s ultimate priority. Hopefully, though it is part of who you are…a part to develop correctly, grow, and mature in, it is not your ultimate priority.  I hope in the right setting, you will experience what God intends, his best in it for you.  You find his ultimate place for it to be realized, whatever life situation you find yourself in.  Otherwise, it can be a serious distraction.  

Note:  NO, ladies, I’m not saying to freak out if your shoulders are bare, or anyone else’s are! [referring to prior discussion regarding brown arms when guys are used to seeing them covered all winter in multi temperature zones.  I've read the bare backs and arms are hard for a lot of guys, whether they can articulate it well or not]. :-)  

Moms, take a risk every now and then–try something new that’s “in style” and enjoy it.  Be feminine.  Enjoy life. 

What I am saying is that if you are revealing a different piece of yourself regularly, think about the impact of that on people’s perception of you, what you want, and YOUR needs.  This is not a teenager talk.  Ladies at the pool, we are NOT desperate housewives–why dress like it?  Act like a married woman and mother.  Require it of your daughters as much as you have influence.  Ladies, if you are swimming around other men and women…respect them.  Honestly, they do not benefit in the least from being knocked out dead by your sensuality.  Why provoke jealousy or be a stumbling block?  It’s not scriptural.  This is where “being our best” has a fine line.  Yeah, some may very well “appreciate” it, but it’s not appropriate.  Find decent clothes to have on to respect your role and goals in life.  Power is not sensuality alone – either ”having it” or ”keeping it”.  And the power you have?  Save it for hubby.  It’s his!  For his enjoyment, use, and pleasure.  Sensuality is not the end all. It can be misused even by the best of us.  

• Check your own motives and respond–key.

Um, no…I’m absolutely not saying to never wear a tank top due to the previous article! I love tanks!  MOST of my summer wardrobe is sleeveless–yup, glory in bare brown arms.  Work with me here:  let your conscious and the mirror guide.  There are many different types and styles of sleeveless shirts.  We can’t throw them all into one category.  Don’t get legalistic on me.  I went sleeveless to church Sunday night just to make a point.  The point is, you can look in the mirror and at your purpose for the day and who you will be around for the most part and know how to respect those people and your purpose.  Don’t confuse people as to what your intent is.  We need to be thinking as much about other people as ourselves whether we’re talking about style, sensuality, conduct, or speech. 

I am just “me”?  That is just “her”?  She is just “stylish”.  They are just “trendy”.  These are habits, not personal identifiers.  There is always a “why”.  I watch woman after woman grow into ministry and adapt her wardrobe and conduct so that she is not misunderstood or a stumbling block.  Is she double minded,  two faced?  A fake?  Becoming too “religious” on you?   Doubtful.  There is greater responsibility with greater anointing and service.  That was a deep sentence; I’ll just let it soak in for a while without saying anything else.  I hope you heard it and even read it again. 

Okay…ready?  Here we go again:

• True or False?  “If I’m different at church than I am at home, I’m not “real”, or “authentic!”

My answer.  False.  Our goal is not being “real” or “authentic”.  Authenticity is great!  It is a bi-product of growing.  HOWEVER, it is not a “goal” in and of itself.  Our goal?  Holiness.  Out of THAT flows authenticity.  What I think and say and do is who I really am inside, and vice versa.  Notice I said holiness, not perfection.  Holiness is maturity (learning to be more and more like the character of Christ).  If we dress a little differently at church or speak a little differently in honor of a higher expectations, standards, wanting to be an example, or meet goals (or other places in public), is that wrong and necessarily “fake”?  Well…is that not one of the reasons we are there?  To practice?  Be an influence? 

Yeah, we may fall back into old patterns at home where we let our hair down and are more comfotable and less guarded–hopefully less and less as we seek God on how to be an influence at home.  But, we do let our hair down some.  Doesn’t make us any less authentic necessarily.  I think we have become a bit confused on this issue and reactive to people’s complaints of the worst examples of this.  So…we do we do now?  We do and say and wear everything the same for every situation even though it’s not appropriate.  Perhaps someone can articulate this better than me, I’ve rewritten and it still seems less complete than it could be.

These issues are a call to influence and example.  I’m fallible and prone to error.  Don’t take my word for it.  Weigh it.  If you can think of scriptures that relate, list ‘em.  Take it to the Lord and let him teach you how to be a person of excellence (righteous).  He honors and blesses the righteous.

Love to hear from you! (Go ahead and vent it out.  What blogging’s about.)  

Other blog entries in this category:

How Do I Get MY Spouse to (fill in the blank)

The “Crush” and the Christian Marriage 

How Do I Forgive Someone Who Has a Crush on My Spouse? (“Boundaries” and Marriage)

Christian Dress & Lifestyle: I Need to Feel Sexy

How Do I Forgive a Crush/Boundaries in Marriage

Christian Dress & Lifestyle: I Need to Feel Sexy

Married women.  Yes, you still do.   We made with an inherent enjoyment of being known to be confident, noticed, vibrant, and alive.  After this article was getting so many hits, I did a search yesterday to see what is out there on Christianity and this subject.  For the most part, other than sexual sexiness, these were commonly noted charactistics that go along with “the sexy person”.  A person comfortable, not over-doing it, enjoying life.  Nothing wrong with that.  How did she dress?  Sometimes it was a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  Sometimes, it was a person feeling flirty who needs to stretch the limit just a bit in a lower than usual neckline, tighter than usual jeans, or dressier than usual dress. 

Let’s look at two other words that need to be built in to this conversation:  Balance, and Purpose.

1.  Balance:  All of your needs will not be met at church or in ministry settings, or at work.  If you and your spouse and family are swamped by “best” things (church/ministry only), or you haven’t had time for a date in years, or your spouse doesn’t know “how” or has forgotten what a date is:  learn. 

Take your spouse on a date, PLAN fun stuff together…just for you two,  have fun!  Be knock out gorgeous or feel great being together, enjoy each other.  Be fun, be flirty, focus on each other…whatever that means for you two.  Apart from the date setting, stay balanced, meaning:  enjoy each other, enjoy family, enjoy projects together.  Make time to “be family”.  If you are having fun and enjoying life as intended, it takes care of a lot of these fun vibe needs all of us have.   

Yes, I have a high stress family.  You have time.  Priorities.  Drop some things.  If you don’t, one of you will start leaking out dissatisfaction if you don’t prioritize that time.  Learn to be married.  It is a thing to grow in.  Christian Family Bookstore or Lifeway Bookstores both have great titles on marriage, and keeping the spice going.  Read a book together this summer.    If “he will never read”, or “she will never get it”…find a couple to mentor you.  Pray.  Ask God to revamp your marriage.  Buy a Christian book on Sexuality and marriage.  I could pretty much guarantee he’ll want to look at it or enjoy hearing you read it in fun spirit.

Balance as a couple:

• Talk about and learn what you are lacking/needing as a “human person.”  Keep setting goals even if you don’t meet them.  Develop an appreciation of the limitations and growth of your spouse.  Be patient.  Gently teach.  “Woo” your spouse.  Be patient.  Never give up.  Be patient.
• Disclaimer:  Mommies with young babies…you will run at a deficit.  Hang in there…and remember you are growing a family.  Is is normal to feel totally whacked out like you are the only woman on the planet near pulling your hair out at this stage.  (Hubby: help her out for the slim change you’ll get some time together, ANY time.  Keep helping, with a cheerful attitude.  Grab a child, put them to bed with “happy time”…give her a break.  Grab a dish rag, or entertain the kids when you get home for a few minutes.  Relieve her.  Build your love bank in these years.  Ignore stats, and be a good husband.  Get on the ball.  Be there for her. Your solidying family for her.  She will likely be happy and content in the love of a man who helps and loves with more than words.    

Search for wisdom as hidden treasure – the Bible promises this as the path to a fulfilling life.  Are you searching?  There is a lot on “the sexy lady” in scripture and what she must guard against.  Being a trap for others, a pitfall, cords of death.  Whew.  That’s heavy.  Still feel a bit flirty? 

Watch jealousy:  God made some women to be more eye catching than others.  He created beauty of all types.  Lovliness is available to every lady.  Men may appreciate the beautiful woman, but they want to be married to the lovely woman.  If you are feeling jealous, try praying this:  “God, thank you for making so a beautiful person.  You made beauty for a purpose, just as you made ME for a purpose equally as significant for MY spouse.  Help me not feel discouraged, jealous, or angry.”  He’ll bless you.  He’ll help you remember to just be what you are called to be.  You don’t have to be perfect, but give your husband an effort at well cared for you.  Get someone who knows what they are doing to style your hair.  Exercise.  Enjoy renewed energy.  Your spouse will appreciate your effort.  Walk together some this summer in the cool of the night.  You’ll always remember it.  Just reserve the energy for him.  Others will notice confidence, too. 

People will play off our “need” to feel sexy.  If can be used and abused and if we are not careful by those who are not having enough fun loving attention at home.  Our “needs” can set us up to accomplish much less in the kingdom than we were meant to accomplish if we don’t watch our motives.  We were sent: to “preach, teach, and baptize”.  No matter who we are, that are our grand assignment, the “Great Commission”.  In our efforts at self improvement, we must always remember the balance needed so that the first goal remains the first goal daily.  Keeping family “first” fits into that equation!  In some seasons, if we are way behind, God may need us to focus on physical health to get our “temple”, our body, back in order, our eating back in order, our house back in order.  But, be on guard.  Often spouses are sometimes slower to give us the attention we appreciate than someone else at work or church.  We’ve all seen it and been affected by it.  Look for accountability in those seasons…someone who can help keep you in check, and that other Romeo.

In the next article, we will talk about some thoughts on how to give and deal with compliments, conversation, flattery, and attraction.     

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like to read: 

The “Crush” and the Christian Marriage

How Do I Forgive a Crush? / Boundaries in Marriage

A Lovely Hottie…I’m a Christian:  How the Heck Do I Dress? 

How Do I Get My Spouse to (               ):  Working Together Toward a Spectacular Marriage

I hope this has been helpful.  If so, I’d love to know that.  If there are comments or issues you’d like discussed in the future, drop me an email or comment!

“Mag”

A Lovely Hottie…I’m a Christian: How the Heck Do I Dress?

“Help!? How do I survive in a “hot” world and hit a reputation of being, like, “lovely”?!

Okay! Not to panic…

The “Crush” and The Christian Marriage

Married Christians and “crushes”…hmmm.