Cup of Coffee on a Sunday Night and Some Burnt Toaster Struddles

Tonight, dark.  Stillness.  Fighting off a headache that hit at 1PM.

I woke this day, still battling the winter “blek”.  Virus after virus, strep, bronchitis…all since Dec. 1.  My feminine side can’t figure it out and takes revenge on me, too.  Wacky, mixed up, broken, self-crying-out-for-health.  Feeling the betrayal of being human.  Getting rested up, all for one event, then crashing low.  Time after time.  Wishing I were stronger.  Seeing myself in the frailty of weak people I detest, too weak to get better.  Get up!  Recover!  Rest!  Take care of yourself!  Slow down!  Watch balance!  Think well thoughts!  Eat and treat yourself!

And a micro step at a time, I feel some better.  And a lot of the time, I still feel tired, sick, and recovering from a long winter.  There were perks.  Time to take care of some quiet chores I save for such days.  Yet, there is a longing for eyes that don’t quint with pain from the new light of spring, but welcome it with the joy it deserves.

While the family is at church, I relish the intense quiet.  Dark.  Time to get real with God and pour it all out…what is bugging me.  Time to catch my breath.  To deal with me only.

I made some rich decaf, burnt some Toaster Struddels covered in self-made icing (why do the last two always fall out of the box into the recesses of the overstuffed freezer?) and sat down to a screen still open from earlier this week when I’d pulled it up, but not had time to read.  Waiting on me.  For this moment.

I have followed Ann V. for a long time and just feel in love with her heart.  Have talked with her by email several times.  The real deal.  Though our lives are different, our hearts our the same.  Always takes me back to center to read her strands of life.  I have thought often this week that I need to get back into the discipline of joy and thanksgiving.  No dread.  No fear.  No wondering what could possibly happen with my body next week to make me mad at it.  Our churches challenges to “God Sightings” is similar, and I will merge the two.

Though my head colds haven’t allowed me to enjoy much reading time, I get four changes to start over on the challenge to read the New Testament in a way:  Matthew, Mark, Luke, John.  Here we go with Mark.  I’ll try again this month.

I shared a thanks entry at Ann’s new Zondervan site tonight.  I’m so proud of what God is doing in Ann’s life and through her testimony.

“Be thankful in all things.”  Go, Ann!  God is with you!

For tonight, quiet worship, black and white keys, pecking out chords, searching for newness, for spring after winter.

Lord, help me to get there. To climb out, and go slow, and be willing to just keep moving, whatever the day brings. You are God. I am human. And it’s okay.

Amen.

One Thousand Gifts (541-600)

Another day to spend some time cultivating a list of things I’m thankful for…to awaken my sense of contentment, joy, and being cared for by a loving God.  What may become an annual tradition with me and the autumn months.  It changes my heart and life…every time.  On with the list:

541.  This post.

542.  Processing this photo I took on a fall walk yesterday on someone’s porch:

543.  Fall mugs

544.  New pumpkins.  Excitement over them.

545.  Two cups of coffee.

546.  Time to procrastinate.  Ahhhh…

547.  Health (I’ll say it again!)  Thank you, Lord, for every day of it!

548.  Calls from The Hub.

549.  Sweet people on the phone.

550.  Little girl birthday party excitement.

551.  Kids doing community service projects and meeting to pray.

552.  Great Sunday School Teachers (we love Cathy!).

553.  Opportunities to use gifts and talents by grace

554.  Reminders.

555.  Fresh Ideas/Challenges/Inspiration

556.  Joyful people who don’t know any better.

557.  Happy vegetable stand people.

558.  Shovels.

559.  Dirt under nails.

560.  Sore legs.

561.  Herbies for trash.

562.  Husband who empty out the weeds I filled the herbie with so the trash will fit.

563.  Husbands who have learned to fix toilets and can make them stop dripping.  PRAISE THE LORD!

564.  Knowing where the cordless phones are.

565.  Charged up cell phones.

566.  Seeing runners run in more rain than I would.

567.  a good watch.

568.  a favorite silver ring or two for seasons.

569.  comfy jeans

570.  hair growing long…finally.  I might make it this time!

571.  Good hair clips.

572.  a daughter who lets me fix her hair every morning this year.

573.  good office help.

574.  good tennis shoes.

575.  thoughts of buying a new scarecrow…the hub says we need a new one.

576.  hopes of finding pansies to plant.

577.  seeing crab grass go bye-bye, and hopes that it will stay gone a while!

578.  out with the old…

579.  outside lights decorated for fall.

580.  thoughts of my dad coming Monday to fix my treadmill.

581.  seeing the kids devour my chocolate chip-pumpkin bread this year and wanting to take it to school for “treat”

582.  plants that produce chocolate chips in a peanut free zone

583.  new athletic suits on the boys

584.  new sweater for the girl in “smoke” color.

585.  a good tutoring session with Boy Wonder in Geometry basic, Calculus, and Algebra for A-team testing…he asked!

586.  I remembered some of it!

587.  ways to hide paper stacks.

588.  pizza night

589.  Fall festivals.

590.  Anticipation

591.  wire baskets with fruit.

593.  small calendars

594.  functional technology.

595.  lists

596.  patience for photos

597.  family

598.  good books waiting

599.  good authors

600.  round numbers to stop lists on for the morning

Sunday: 1000 Gifts (247-278)

• tiny hands on communion cups
• the glow of the communion plate on The Hub’s face
• children elated over the size of their communion piece
• the hub waking me when my alarm didn’t go off
• help singing again, “My soul, my soul must sing” (last Sun. night, my theme song)
• playing praise band with my brother
• getting to wear my new-used shoes, thank you, Lord!
• fall pants that fit comfortably
• sunshine
• ribs in the crock pot, ready to BBQ, prepared yesterday for today
• guests for lunch today
• shared pains in Sunday School
• hugs
• space
• warmth
• purple
• red hair on the kitchen floor
• mom having taught me how to cut my boy’s hair
• jumper cables and someone who knows how to use them
• extra dessert when the cake burned yesterday
• help when the spaghetti jar hit the floor for the top shelf of the fridge–glass and sauce all over the kitchen floor
• laundry caught up
• treadmill with cell phone music (my favs)…phone sits right on the treadmill panel without budging
• concert tonight anticipated
• no “sticky-uppies” for Red today (hair having to be slathered down with water)
• nephews to give outgrown pajamas to
• friends who are just there and show up…their very presence cheers me, even when we do not speak
• the church, singing loud
• a “prayer shawl” ministry starting up, what a blessing that will be–how I’ve loved mine
• quiet in the house for a few moments to reflect before the lunch buzz begins
• bottled water & chocolate chip granola bars–fast breakfasts when you need one on the go
• the word of God preached, instilling faith in us all, patiently.

1000 Gifts: 236-246

I am thankful today for:

• days when I can’t do as much as I want or need to yet others around me keep on keeping on anyway.
• days when a lot gets knocked off my list, even though there is a lot left on it.
• days when I can train my kids to do some things… not argue, fuss, and fight…though a heavy hand is needed.  I need them home “bored” to do that.
• days when it seems the lists are impossible, but God’s name is POSSIBLE; I keep going anyway.
• days when hormones keep me at the verge of either tears or a short temper.  It means there is a heart in me that still feels, amidst all the “living”.  An emotional flushing and testing happens in these times, may as well be thankful for it, for it doesn’t go away, not for now anyway.
• days when there is a reward to look forward to…a husband who is willing to stop work to reward.
• days when I have to rely on the Lord
• days when I give myself a final hour to work hard…and tasks get done.
• days mixed with fussing and laughing…enjoying children’s ability to bounce back and recover from hard disciplines.
• Seeing the kids grow in skills they could not do in year’s past.  Now, they are sorting their own clothes for the season…two of them, and doing it well, praise God!  It only took 12 years of training. (Whew.)

236-246 (Click for more info on the Gratitude Community and how to join)

Have you been tempted to join The Thankful Community this year?  It’s new to me, but I think I’ll be glad that I did.  Only thanks…just keep giving thanks, in all things.  This is good practice for me.  He turns my mourning in dancing…and perhaps these disciplines are the way as to how.

One Thousand Gifts: 101-176

the son is here, sick, resting on the couch for an eye infection that popped up this morning.  So, I’ll quietly type for a while, some more.  I’m taking the thanksgiving plunge approach today!  It’s like intravenous thanksgiving drip.

101.  good coffee with my favorite creamers

102.  a favorite mug, today, lime green

103.  my day planner with phone numbers in it, handy.

104.  finding a phone book in a clean phone drawer.

105.  unscented chapstick (black tube).

106.  socks whose seams don’t hurt my toes (that would not be the case right now)

107.  reminders on my cell phone (LOVING this new planning tool this week!!!)

108.  a reminder set on my cell phone at 7AM from having entered it earlier this week, reminding the kids it was “hat day”.

109.  their thankful hearts for the reminder.

110.  Red remembering his own homework this morning and doing it independently on the way to school.

111.  Having the dollar for hat day in my wallet.

112.  Dunkin’ Doughnuts Vanilla coffee, consignment, and extras in the freezer for this now empty bag.

113.  A husband who loves flavored coffee!!!

114.  Some willingness to adapt for my husband (getting to bed on time tonight so as to not wake him up from sleep…I messed that up last night), and a God who will help me when I’m stubborn about it.  I love quiet times in the deep of a rainy night to think and pray.

115.  Hanes — new undergarments for the family:  socks, unders, LOVE this brand

116.  Journals in handwriting, especially that of an elderly friend sitting here at my desk.

117.  God’s help of getting her journal transcribed for family for her.  I have just the end to go.  Oh!  I want to finish by the holidays!

118.  Her words of faith, giving me strength, and fresh love for family, and perspective of years, wisdom of a well-lived heart.

119.  Offerings that meet my need/desire to give something meaningful back.

120.  Family I cherish, wise ones, gracious ones, loving ones

121.  resources

122.  antibiotics (Boy Wonder’s eye today)

123.  washing machine, dryer, used, and going strong…love my dependable appliances!  Love that dryer door than swings flat for clothes to land on it.

124.  my used, new laundry “stool on wheels” for folding laundry.  LOVE THIS!

125.  storage unit for folded everyday clothes in my laundry room…thank goodness Target had the perfect stacking cubes and cloth baskets and my husband wanted me to try something, anything else.  Three months, and my laundry has not backed up ONE TIME.  This is a miracle for me…truly.  Organizing helped!

126.  A husband who whisked me away for some furniture shopping yesterday.

127.   Finding GREAT prices (the best by far) locally on things we liked long distance.

128.  Wisdom God will give on color and style {I am limited in this area!  So dependent on Wisdom to help me.}

129.  Willingness to wait and think costly decisions through.  {Like color.  Style.}

130.  A husband who is patient with my carefulness in things that matter to me long term…things he doesn’t really care about.

131.  Padded mailing envelopes.

132.  Useful things in the mail.

133.  Free shipping.

134.  A precious card from a friend, because “sometimes emails just aren’t enough” she said, validating my trials.  So precious to me.

135.  Calls received… “just because I care”.

136.  Homemade cards sent…to try to show special love.

137.  Linear patterns.

138.  Julep cup for my pens.  Remembrances of hard, pressing times God helped and rewarded.  He ALWAYS will. “He is a rewarder of those who dilegently seek Him.“  (Old Testament, Holy Bible)

139.  Square Kleenex boxes.

140.  Purse size Kleenexes (I remember when they didn’t have these).

141.  Mom’s hankies laying around my house, freshly washed.

142.  Freshly washed sweaters smelling fresh and soft and warm.

143.  A new favorite fall sweater for the season from the mall, bought consignment in my very favorite fall-winter sweater color (cream).

144.  New blogs to keep me centered.  People who share deeply, from the hearts, whose stories touch and inspire mine with fresh faith and perspective.

145.  The pain of others, deeper than my own. Losses greater.  Paths steeper.  Though this current path is not my favorite of my journey, these people keep me grateful with new perspective.  (Prayers.  Exchanged sighs, understood.  “Life is hard, God is good.”)

146.  Rings filling barren spaces between very knobby knuckles!

147.  A cherished bracelet I seldom take off, making long gangly arms less offensive to me.  (Bear with the self abasement there…just the truth, petite legs and long arms…how does that happen?  Try buying a petite suit with long arms?  Thank the Lord for “separates”).

148.  A ring I bought in Mexico with interchangeable stones to suit the season and my mood.  I love this ring.  Was a splurge bought on the ship in the store on a rainy day.  I thought about it for a day, and then paid the thirty dollars or so.  I have seldom taken it off in the last five years or so since I bought it.  I love things that hold their appeal to me long term with so many things in the world changing.  The joy in simplicity of buying for the long haul.  Things that stay useful.  Hold value.  Have quality.  Are flexible.  I’m so thankful some things last.

149.  New tennis shoes when I need a white pair to go out.  My favorite brand.  A touch of the “new green Kelly green color” of the season on them.  I love that clean Kelly green color.  I’ve not been able to find anything that fit me all summer, and now I can wear a touch of it on my shoes almost every day.  And since I couldn’t find another pair I liked in Shoe Carnival, when I asked if they’d discount the shoe since I could not have the BOGO offer.  They gave me another $10.00 off the $10 off sale price.  Thank you, Lord for boldness!  Just asking.  Trying, and asking. (Saved me gas money having to go somewhere else.  That was already the second store I’d checked this month.)

150.  Friends coming to town and being so kind and sweet.

151.  My desk, totally wiped down, disinfected, dusted, and decluttered this week (time for more drywall dust!)  Thank the Lord my Mom and Dad taught me to not be afraid to drywall with a smooth hand.

152.  Courage to try things myself.  Willingness.  Perseverance when I have to try again and again.   Realization that others do, too.

153.  Enjoying being home, and my role in life.  For the challenge at revival last week, “Are you doing your job well?”

154.  Blessing my family with homemade pizza.

155.  New-Used Bread Machines I love for this task!

156.  Mini plates above my stove that match my plates…a variety of whimsical flowers.

157.  A clean kitchen.

158.  Enjoying the necessity of challenges so that I can appreciate new habits without the “discipline” later.

159.  Silk flower arrangements–reminders of summer life in the winter.

160.  A dining room window sill full of healthy plants…I don’t need curtains because of them.  I love that.

161.  Glazed, clay pots.

162.  Simplicity–the goal of minimizing, the discipline of lightening my load.

163.  Using what I have.

164.  Learning my limits, still.

165.  Balance

166.  Learning to plan ahead and flourish even though I’m more a spontaneous, creative person.  Watching friends, learning from them, and their planning, and what they are able to do.  I am healthier than ever because of them.  Paced.

167.  Thankful for good teachers, slowing me down.  Teaching me to pause.  Rest.  Enjoy.  Be.  “Abandon” to balance intensity.  (Still learning!!!  Still striving.  And striving toward not striving, at times!)

168.  Keeping things that serve me well instead of following fashion in some areas to try to teach my children, and enjoy a life of giving.

169.  Prayer that works.  Every day.  I am heard.  And I know it.  Not emphasizing those times when I “feel closer to God”, but knowing he is there, every day, on my side, wanting to let me know that he will not leave me or forsake me…ever.  He is so near and dear.  So helpful.  So true.  How can I write it all down?  Should I?  How can I help others understand how very real and present he is in my life? I try.  Blogging.  Telling.  Do I seem unholy with it?  I hope not. He is holy.  Worthy.  And we are charged to “Tell of the great things the Lord has done!”  Oh, help me be even more bold to your glory.  Help me to represent you well for the need of the moment.

170.  Selah.

171.  Emptied.

172.  Getting up from devotions, knowing my time with Him has finished, and it’s time to work.  We are made ready to work:  loved, completed, filled, energized, free-d, needs met.

173.  Quieted.  At Peace

174.  Knowing when to stop and move to something else.  Following his grace promptings for each moment, not going beyond unless he urges “persevere”, “press through”.

175.  A mind that builds lists

176.  A heart ready to work and be productive (did I already say that?)

177.  (start at 177 next time)

“Oh taste,

and see,

that the Lord,

he is good.

He is good

to those

that fear him.”

(Psalm, The Holy Bible)