There is Nothing to Wear!

This morning, Red got up and I sent him and his sister to get dressed.

He requested pancakes, so I got busy on that.  I was a little short on the Bisquick, so I was digging for some self-rising flour to make up the extra.

I was assessing the amount of oil I might need to add to make up for the shortage when I heard Red stomp to the kitchen disgustedly yelling, uncharacteristically:  “AGH!  I have NOTHING to wear!  None of my clothes are in there!  There is NOTHING to wear!  Mom, there is NOTHING in here that matches.”

I said, “Son, that is impossible.  I just washed everything you own this weekend.  You’ve had clothes to wear all summer.  What’s wrong?”

“There is nothing in there!” he cried, adding some tears and reducing himself to a heap on the floor.

This is not my child who is the first out of bed, and usually the first to get dressed.

I said, “We’ll go check on it together, okay?  Sister, see if you can pull down the top box of his shirts where he can see and see if that helps.”

She tried, bless her heart, but I could hear a small ruckus beginning, so I dropped by pancake ordeal and went in myself.

I soon realized the problem.  Last year, I sorted all his clothes for him by things that went together.  This year, in the new system, all his shorts are in one container, and his shirts in another.  Though there are TONS of clothes, he could not manipulate the sorting and matching.  So…we pulled EVERYTHING out and began pairing things quickly.  I put them together in a new way for him, as a smile began to wash over his face.  “Okay, so…can you find something you like now?  Better?”

He kept working on the leftover things while I finished pancakes.

I just got home and had to rearrange some things where he could now reach them better as well.

I shared with my oldest son, as I will now share with my readers, that my Mom last week was told of a position in Iraq that might suit her, working at the same base as Pop.  Let me just tell you, managing “going back to school”, losing my kids, and the prospect of losing my mom in the same week was quite the act of strength and dignity.  It is the Lord Jesus I serve, and none other, or that week would not have flown.  I basically had to put it on the back burner until I had all the kids settled and tended to on their big week.

We don’t know yet if they will hire her, but her resume has been sent in.

Yesterday in worship, the first song, it was mom and I only in my pew, worshiping together.  The Hub was at work, kids in children’s church.  When we got to “from shore to shore” in the song…that was the last straw.

By greeting time, I lost it.  I saw my SIL, and collapsed on her, not to let go.   I said, “I just don’t think I can do this.”

She ever so eloquently said, “Yeah, you can.  Let me get you out of here.”

Can I just say that I like those two sentences paired together.  Not, “Yeah, you can.  Stop sobbing on me.” or “Yeah, you can, toughen up.”  or “Yeah, you can, now let’s get back to worship.”  Nope, none of that.  “Yeah, you can…let’s get you out of here for a minute.”

We prayed, and she reminded me of all the things I knew, and I straightened up to teach my first new Sunday School class of the season with kid’s expectantly waiting on a teacher to wow then with fun and cheer.

I even had the opportunity at the end of the service to pray for my mom at the altar.  But, by then, I was ready.

Anyway, I woke to another day feeling weighted by this thing way too big for me to even begin to process in any lucid way.  And I walked back in to all the piles needing to be put together understandably for my Red, and I remembered a verse from The Message I read once a long time ago that I liked.  I just sat down to look it up.  It says,

“God, pick up the pieces. Put me back together again. You are my praise!”

Jeremiah 17:14

I know that when I feel squeamish, like Red, and in those times when I am on a heap in the floor insisting nothing goes together, even getting tearful at times, not seeing it all…God is telling me, “But, that can’t be, I have it all ready for you!  I know it’s all there.”  I know He sends other to help me, and that even He himself, My Helper, comes to show me how it all fits together. And I know, that I too, in those moments, will feel a smile wash over me and joy return.  Countless times a day.

Why Your House Needs To Get Messy

I love  Pottery Barn’s colors and ads…they just make me so happy.  I’ve never bought a thing and find them overpriced as a whole, but the colors and patterns just make me go “Ahh”.

I don’t like business situations.  They drain a house and a family and…I’m just really getting cranky with the added stresses.  So cranky today it is not even funny.  I was going to fast about it, and pray, get on top of it.  But, I decided that fasting would make me even more cranky, and I do NOT need to be one iota more cranky.  So, Golden Grahams and I sat on the porch and enjoyed the cool day.

Sigh.

I suppose a clean house might cheer me up.  Which, in my world, is the whole reason for house cleaning, to cheer you up from the chaos when life gets too chaotic.  Dang it!  I can’t control anything else, but I can sure control my house.  It will look FINE!  All ordered and neat and tidy for as long as I need to leash it  (which is why a house should not be clean all the time, because then you would have nothing easy to change and improve when life is out of control).

Tell that to Mrs. FlyLady!

Midnight Cries

I don’t know if I’m going to get my son through the 4th grade.   I’ve preached the good sermons to him all night about strength, and God’s word being what it says it is, even for him, and seasons, and the pains of growing up.

Now I know how hard won those answers came from my mom when I thought she “just didn’t understand”. 

I’m sure she couldn’t sleep just like I can’t.  I imagine she got all misty-eyed and flustered and frustrated and angry…after I was in bed and couldn’t see…just the way it is for me tonight. 

I don’t want to go to sleep and have to start another day.   I know for sure my little one doesn’t.  Lord, help.

and…thanks, Mom. 

A few years late, but thanks.

Uggh! Ouch! Arrrrggh!

Update:  Scriptures memorized in extended winter seasons interject into thoughts as I cook supper, banging pans into kitchen cabinets, much to distress of everyone around me. (Belt of truth).  Still refusing to speak about it until I find more grace on the subject.  Breathing deep.  Tears spring, stomach aches, but these bring focus and help to my heart:

1. “If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength.”  (ref. if needed look up at  Biblegateway)
2. “If the light within you is darkness, how great then is that darkness.”(ref. if needed find at search  Biblegateway)
3. “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul”. Ps: 94:18-20.
4. “You are my refuge and strength, an ever present help in times of trouble.”  ref…Psalms ((ref.  look up at  Biblegateway)
5. “He who prays for wisdom and then doubts that he will have what he asks for is like a ship blown and tossed by the waves, unstable in all his ways.”  (NT…ref.  look up at  Biblegateway)

*———————–*————————–

Today.  I quit. 

Everything. 

If He tells me to do it, I will. 

Other than that.  I’m dead. 

As it probably should be every day, and I try to make it that way, but even more so today. 

It’s just easier that way. 

Totally frustrated. Waiting.  I hate it. 

Constant stress.  Constant pressure.  Constant decisions.  Constant challenges.  One push after the next.  

Am I making it harder than it is?  Worrying? 

I don’t know.  I give up.

Is this the life of becoming a disciple?  I know it is, and my stomach shouldn’t hurt, but it does.  I’m trying not to crack.  Not to bend.  To stand firm and see the deliverance of the Lord.  To “stand firm…and after I’ve done everything, to stand”.  To “be still”, but I’m squirming.

I try.  Always a fight, always at war.  This is life. 

But, He is faithful.  Always.  If not…there is nothing! 

I will wait.  Fitfully waiting.  Trying to wait until he’s proven himself unfaithful before I throw a fit.

Until further notice of improved situations and prayers answered I need answered.

Holding. Given up.

“Mag” 

Enough for My Nerves: Tornado Warnings

My nerves are freakin’ shot!

So, tonight’s the first night of rehearsal with no CD backup with the choir. We took like an hour to move instruments and wires and get a sound person there (small detail somebody forgot…oops!) We were all shocked to get through the first two songs with remote success. We were astounded we stayed together at all and it worked. Voices are strong, trumpets are blasting, Jesus is about to return to the sound of great Jubiliee from well rehearsed voices.

Then sirens in town start wailing, cell phones start ringing, there’s a tornado spotted 20 minutes away in a storm moving 70 miles an hour. No prob. I’ll just stay here with the crowd.

And, wait, my man’s on the road…in the storm, in it’s path. And wait, my kids are…oh my gosh! At McDonalds, glassed-in all around with their 75 year old grandparents. Cell phone systems…down. Can’t get the restaurant or my friend who manages there.

And…for Praise, Granddad kept his cell on! They are “staying away from windows” (good…good. but how is that possible, the thing is encircled. They will stay there.)

So, calls, husband is coming home, in front of the storm, outrunning it, his plan is to go (kids, or home, or church where I am? He thinks he’ll….phone cuts out.)

Time for group prayer.

My cell phone rings.

My son says they are locking the restaurant, so they are leaving, two minutes left in the warning, with another tornado spotted 10 minutes away.

Group is quiet, circled up, deadly quiet in prayer mode already, waiting on my call to finish.

“No. No! Son. Do not leave. Do not leave. Go downstairs with the everybody else, okay? (he repeats to grandparents my request). Grandma can get behind the counter if she doesn’t want to do the stairs. Stay there. All of you stay together. Stay with somebody you know. Be good. Stay together. I love you!”

“Okay mom. (Mom says to stay). Okay. Bye.”

Message relayed. They are safe. Safe. Whew.

Husband makes it there. Everyone safe. Storm passes.

I am home, they, on their way.

Now…Doorbell? Family home? Why the FRONT door? Why not the garage?

I missed the HUGE bradford pear that is now no more in the front yard. No structural damage. My favorite tree on this place…but, given all, I can handle the loss of a tree.

Whew. Now, for more local weather and more storms to wash through tonight.