Whittled

My grandfather whittled.

My uncles whittle.

I…am whittled.

I remember the smell of the wood, the leathered hands, the showing of little knives, the display of projects…names drawn…which of the hundred of us would win this priced piece to be shared with family?  Oh me!  Pick me!  And a few times, they did.  Baskets woven.  Little topiaries with painted stems.  Wall Hangings.

Why whittle?

Why take a branch and begin to form it, smooth it, shape it…into something else?  Why spend the time?

I don’t know.

I do know that working with your hands eases your mind.

I know that sharing something you’ve made is rewarding.  Simple.  Clarifying.

Faltering people.  Skilled hands.  Shaped gifts.

Lately, I feel whittled.

Things carved from my life that seemed the best things.

It continues.

On and on, seeming losses occur which I try to accept as part of the shaping.  I try to allow the smoothing.  I force rest under the pressure, the paring.

And there goes the other side…carved off.

And off.

And off.

I wonder if there will be anything left.

It doesn’t look very beautiful to me yet, I have to say.  I just feel stripped bare sometimes. I am not grieving as if with no hope.  I have hope…from year’s past with my Maker, I know there is something coming.  Something lovely.  Something more than I would have asked for.  Yet, at the moment, there is “feeling” to manage.

Depression.  Anger.  Bitterness.  Frustration.

Getting up in the  morning and feeling low.  Perspective dim.

Wondering

Asking

Waiting

Praying

Seeking

Worshipping

Refreshing

Carrying on

Low

Missing spring…

Not ready for it.

Still feeling very winter.

Thankful, yet stripped.

I could list the large events of stripping of the year, but I won’t.  None of them alone has done me in.  It’ s been the cummulative effect of all  of it that is wearing on me.  I wonder when the page will turn and when I will begin feeling the filling again rather than the empyting.

I wonder today if maybe it’s me.  Trying to fill with a lot of things that while distracting (and that is something good), do not really FILL.  Wondering if my habits are contributing to the problem.  Or lack of habits.  Wondering if I need to make some changes, get back into some disciplines, and find the filling.

I will try.

Lord, I need the filling.  The joy overflowing.  The sweetness of life.  The knowledge that the enemy is not stealing from me in my down-ness.  I want to possess the land you’ve given and not worry with what you’ve whittled.  Such small things, really, in the grand scope of all you give.

Keep my focus on you, Lord.

My eyes, fixed on you.

Grace me to do what needs to be done, even in disciplines, or I will not get them done.

Moving forward…

 

 

Untitled

I’m at a different place today than I was a year ago.

I’m not sure that I can articulate it in a writing or a post.  I just know that things are different.

I know that I’m needed to be available here more, to have meals ready, to create “routine” and “order” and “flow”–not perfection, but good, well-executed effort and forethought.

I know that I’m needed to be in balance myself:  rested, eating well, and striving toward personal goals of fitness and good spiritual and mental health–if I’m not where I need to be…my family is not where it needs to be.  I suffer with less headaches and stress when I go to bed early (I am SO a late night person…love it, convince myself I need it!).  I do better when I eat less raw sugar, and eat more whole foods.  My body and mind feed better, I am on less “buzz”, I have less times of “coming down”, I have fewer headaches.  I feel less tired.  I exercise more disciplines in other areas when I’m disciplines in this area.

I’m trying, by the grace and help of God, which I pray for very regularly.  Well, I say “pray”, but honestly, “beg” is probably a much better word.  I want to be who I need to be, not only to give glory to God, not only to be what I’m made to be…but, mainly, now, at this point in the journey, so those around me can be who they need to be…those I love most, and who are most near and dear to me.  This is a big jump–to change personal habits, eating, sleep preferences so that I can be who I need to be for the group.  It is a dying to self.  It is a new perspective given to me, not one I am making.  The changes have been happening before I knew why they are happening, actually.  I just see the effects, and I thank God for doing something…some “things”, I have been unable to do on my own for many years.  I think the goals and scriptures, and prior striving probably play a part in how much easier it seems now, but ultimately, on top of it all, I still cannot do it without Him.  I am too “me”.  Not that “me” is bad…it is just filled with many preferences, and rationalizations, and learning that he has to deal with.

I read a scripture yesterday while sitting in church.  It said that if you examined yourself (before taking the Lord’s supper is the context), the Lord would not judge you as harshly, but if you did not examine yourself, that he would judge you more harshly (I Corinthians 11:27-32).  The passage wasn’t referring to the ultimate judgment after death, but a discipline and judgment here on earth that showed itself in sickness and/or weakness.  So, I guess God does allow those two things to humble us when we refuse to admit where we are.  No, that doesn’t mean that anytime we are weak and sick that it is a result of un-confessed sin, but it does confirm that God can use times of sin and weakness to humble us, slow us down, get us quiet, and have opportunity to deal with us.  It’s the same principle, I think, as that of “grounding” a child.  An imposed time set aside to pull away and get quiet and let God speak.   I know God has used them at times in my life when I needed to slow down and rest or just change course, or have time to “reset“.

It was interesting to me, though, that if we examined ourselves, he is more gentle with us. He wants us to be looking, and trying, and striving on our own.  He doesn’t want to have to do it all for us.  He wants us to look and see if the fruit in our lives is lining up, or if we need to work in some areas, perhaps even confess to other people and seek help.  Many of you have probably had times with a child when you said, “I know you were in a tight spo.  Perhaps you were afraid to tell me, but if you had only come to me, I could have helped you!  Don’t be so afraid of my punishment that you move away from opportunities I have to teach you what you need to know and help you make it through those times!”

I have.

Right now, I am inclined to look at myself.  To confess.  To try to deal with things.  To seek help.

We don’t have to make mountains out of mole-hills, but we do need to live honest lives, true to ourselves and to the God within us.

—-

With all that heavy thinking that comes from a week of heavy parenting and self-reflection as a result, today’s agenda is chicken pot pie (the chicken is pretty much ready to get in the oven now and I’ve been ot the store for ingredients this morning already–yeah!), rice, and milk.  It’s a hearty meal with veggies and bread already in it, so that will be it.  Lunch for me:  (unknown due to a need to be out of the house, working on that plan to keep up healthier less sugar and white breads I’m working on). I feel SO much better and level all day.  It’s wonderful.

Today:  helping the kitchen crew with the chain saw ministry.  People right now are here from South Carolina in disaster relief efforts to help with tree-limb clean up from the storm.  They are here from long distances, in the freezing cold, ministering.  It’s 25 degrees here today.  They’ve been here about a week.  Four more people are possibly coming today, and possibly a new team, or a second team tomorrow.

An angelic kitchen crew has been working through the storm, and now to help feed the crews.  I’m just now getting things settled enough to volunteer.  I hope I can a few days this week, barring home emergencies.

—

Though I can blog less, God is refreshing me and filling me with new energy from you.  One day last week, one of you sent me a new worship CD from an artist you know I love that just came out.  {humbled–it sang me to sleep last night when I couldn’t get to sleep with too much on my mind}.  Another day, one of you dropped me a beautiful and cheery card.  {smiling still}.  Yet one more day, one of you dropped a package in the mail with some fresh scrapbooking supplies, for dreaming of “me” time.  {tickled pink}.  A couple of you “heard me out” and gave me a pep talk, a smile, courage, hope.  Trials have rolled lately, and I’m still learning to roll with them.  Without the ever-presence of God, above all, I would be so very lost.  He keeps me singing.

I love you all.  Thanks for seeing, thanks for blessing.  Thanks for doing that little bit more that raises my head and causes me to take a breath of fresh air from a higher climate.  It goes a long way.

Wherever you are, many blessings to you this week as you “pursue” those things that bring glory to him:  righteousness, faith, purity, love, grace…may they ever more be yours as you seek Him.

Follow Up to Last Post: Upward Soccer 2008

Well, I asked for prayer this morning, and here’s what happened.

First, my son showed up home 5 minutes after his game was supposed to start, getting his game and sis’s picture time mixed up –I was late, too.

Next, I got there and  Josh had locked his keys in his car and forgot to bring the newsletters from the church. 

He went and got them. 

Then, pictures weren’t scheduled for the kindergarten league.  Came up with a solution for that. 

Next, game times were scheduled to over-lap–they handled it. 

Personally, the fields were very wet and I had on sandles (ones I had to scrape dog poop off of before I left the house after stepping in it last night…what’s that SMELL?  Oh, it’s me.  Nothing like the prospect of sharing the word of God with the strong smell of dog poop following you.) 

I still had my head held high.  I was ready. 

As I jumped puddles (literally) across the field, I fiddled with my keys–breaking off my special keychain cross Stacey gave me in my birthday card last year. 

I started to melt a bit.  Love that leather cross.

At that point, I saw Chris…walked a bee-line there and said, “I think you should start praying.”

He laughed and said, “Why, what’s going on?”  He was coaching, so I gave the Reader’s Digest version, but I made sure to tell him that my cross just broke.  (I think I can glue it…maybe).

Then, I remembered that I forgot the sunscreen for my red head–couldn’t find any anywhere. 

The newsletters showed up, and I made rounds, all went well.  Even some more rough looking men have come out this year, one perhaps drinking a non-soda substance (just a hunch) I saw reading it from start to finish.  Praise God.

I asked the kids to have no injuries or melt-downs today because it was an important day.  The did well.  Praise God. 

So, while I don’t know much about whether decisions were made today (I share the plan by newsletter), I saw a lot of people reading, and several told me today they enjoyed the newsletters.  A few I’d asked to pray as I walked by would give me cheerful words like “I know God would bless His work!”  Love those people!

Huge blessing:  my mom was led leave her work outside, check her computer this morning, and come lay hands on me.  No make-up, un-prepared…just obedient. 

That’s my mom. 

She even had a long distance wedding to go to today and everything. 

Meant the world.  I was charged back up. 

Made it through two more games, great weather. 

Boy Wonder cooled off from his game in the van. 

But, after the games, as I sighed that it was over and we’d made it, I realized he turned the key the wrong way for accesory.

…click, click, click.  Dead.

Thank goodness Coach Jarod knew how to jump a car and I had fresh cables somebody got up in a car kit for Christmas (I’m thanking my brothers, but don’t know for sure).  

I’m in good spirits–heaven knows missionaries around the world face much bigger obstacles than I did today. 

But, I’m writing just to let you know that when you try to do something rather simple in His name…expect a WILD kind of day, but a lot of fun blessings, too! 

Then, Sonic got the same plain hamburger order wrong THREE TIMES.  (But we are still thanking God for Sonic today).

Keep praying for these people.  One lady told me she enjoyed it, planned to read it again when she got home, and would ask me if she had questions later.  The one I had on my heart wasn’t there today.  I’ll have to try again.

I Need Your Prayers–Saturday

Ever Stretch Yourself? I think my skinny jeans should fit today, I’m stetching myself so much.  You know, wake up sick to your stomach, feeling a weight that you know shouldn’t be there, but you can’t help it, because it’s so important?

Today is the day I walk across the fields for the Upward soccer games and put the plan of salvation in the hands of the adults for the first time this season.  About 125. 

We’ve never had a result in soccer from the simplified ABCs version, so I took it just a little more personal a route this time.  I hope it connects with someone–specifically, with one I’ve been praying for.

Pray for strength and boldness for me. 

When I woke up, I walked by the computer, and a verse I was meditating on last week was up.  Why…I don’t know, I didn’t pull it up before I went to bed last night.  I must have closed a program and had this minimized behind it… 

“…at work within US,

to HIM be the glory IN THE CHURCH and IN CHRIST JESUS.”

I had written it out for myself.

My husband once taught that when he gets all the glory, it doesn’t matter if we fail or succeed.  We stand nothing to lose.  Might as well pour it all out.  No holds barred.  Lord, give me your eyes, your heart, help my kids (the hub has to work today…keep them uninjured and in good spirits).   

Be God.  Also, may the power of Jesus bind the enemy from those three fields and from anything that would keep those away who need to hear. 

Bring pray-ers out today. My writing deadline fell so late this week because Thursday was so full that I didn’t get to ask for prayer as much as I like to.  I know I can’t do it in my own strength.  I need your prayers…

 

 

Weighing Bill Gate’s Thoughts On Sunday

Today on iGoogle, this was one of the quotes: 

Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.
  – Bill Gates

At first, there is the smile toward a hard-working ga-zillionairre.  “Ah-ha!  He just WORKS harder than we do.  HE is EFFICIENT!” 

I have a great respect for efficiency.  Things in my kitchen cabinets have been re-organized over and over again through themselves toward greater efficiency.  I time myself with a cup of tea heating in the microwave set for 1 minute 25 seconds to see if I can unload and reload the dishwasher in that amount of time.   Many days, for a cup of tea, all my dishes are cleaned and I have a treat in the process. 

If my husband comes home for the day and I still have not unloaded the dishwasher, I strive to unload it from the time he pulls in the garage until he plants a typical kiss on my expectant lips.  There’s a great reward!

On the tails of efficiency and productivity comes this thought, “God longs to give us rest, but we would have none of it.” (Hebrews).   Hard work does increase productivity, as does efficiency.  But there is a limit.  True success is measured by hard work balanced with true soul rest, not just recreational activities of the rich and famous.

I turned toward some men and woman I consider “great” and “balanced” in their approach to life, whether rich or poor.  I don’t know Bill Gates.  He may be perfectly rested, balanced, at peace, and content.  I’m just using his quote as a jumping board for thought to challenge myself to grow.

~~~~~~~~~ 

The greatest thing anyone can do for God and man is pray.  It is not the only thing; but it is the chief thing.  The great people of the earth today are the people who pray.  I do not mean those who talk about prayer; nor those who say they believe in prayer; nor yet those who can explain about prayer; but I mean those people who take time to pray.
     ~ S.D. Gordon
~~~~~~~~ 

Too many women have too much leisure time for their own good.  They have time for criticism, gossip, faultfinding, and complaining.  They have time for idle games and lay too much attention to things of the flesh.  There are other women who have too little time for the enduring things of life.  They are too busy flitting about doing this and that.  They have great activity and much doing, but they lack time for building Christian characters.  Both kinds of women — the too-idle and the too-busy need to take time for meditation and quiet repose in prayer to God.  They need time to cultivate their souls that in turn they may cultivate their children’s lives.
     ~ Billy Graham
~~~~~~~~ 

An unschooled man who knows how to meditate upon the Lord has learned far more than the man with the highest education who does not know how to meditate.
     ~ Charles Stanley
~~~~~~~~ 

Work, work, from morning until late at night.  In fact, I have so much to do that I shall have to spend the first three hours in prayer.
     ~ Martin Luther
~~~~~~~~ 

I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord.  The first thing to be concerned about was not how I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man may be nourished….  I saw that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the Word of God and to meditation of it.
     ~ George Mueller of Bristol

Vote If You Can

I was asked by a couple folks to consider running for Site Based Council as a representative for our school and have agreed.  I don’t really know what I’m getting into, but will do my best if elected.  

Elections for our elementary school (GES) are this Thursday night (PTSA, 5:00, Media Center).  PTSO dues are $1 if you didn’t pay yours at the first of the year.  Pay your dollar when you sign in so that you can vote.

Our school needs people to help fill many rolls with PTSO –those elections are also Thursday night.  Let someone know if you are interested.  Following the meeting is Arts & Humanities Night with refreshments. 

Thanks for the prayers.  

reBUILDING… MY PRAYER LIST

Send me your prayer requests you’d like to have added to prayer lists either by comment or magnanimityblog@gmail.com.

Updates on Kenya 1/2008

Update from South Africa from Adele’s Blog Simplicity

 

I’ve been following the news in Kenya as closely as is possible with limited Internet access. Things aren’t looking up. I am anxious to be back in Kenya to do the work God has called me to do. However, at this stage, it is burdensome for our Kenyan leaders to have more wazungus around that they have to be responsible for… And so I will continue working from South Africa until I get the green light. I’ve posted a number of updates on the ELI blog today. Please be sure to read those and pray for Kenya. Today and the next 3 days are critical days! Parliament opens today, and the opposition have called for 3 days of protests from tomorrow till Friday.Please pray that God will give the ELI directors wisdom in how to deal with the situations in their communities. News is starting to come of staff having lost loved ones brutally, of friends who lost their property, of distrust in the communities… I do not believe it is God’s will that hundreds are dying innocently, and hundreds of thousands being displaced. I do not believe that it’s his will that patients who’ve been receiving treatment for HIV/AIDS should risk growing resistant to drugs due to not having access to their anti-retroviral treatments. Please pray that God will bring beauty from the ashes in Kenya! (Isaiah 61:3)

Continue to pray for Kenya and friends there. 

I also just ran across a DIGG link from EMinistryNotes where people are posting on a Google Map incidents of rioting, killing, starvation, etc., as they run across them or hear of legitimate accounts.  Here’s the Google map link.

Prayer Requests

Pray for Adele, my blog-friend, a missionary to Kenya.  If you haven’t found Adele yet, her blog, pictures, and life are such an inspiration.  She is currently safe with family in South Africa, but it is hard for her to be transplanted and uncertain, worried about her friends in Kenya with political unrest, fires, destruction, riots, protests, damage to buildings, facilities. 

While I’m here, I have another young friend in Christ also requesting prayer very often for the country of Ethiopia…for spiritual eyes to be opened, hearts to be softened, the truth to set people free. 

Join me in prayers for these.

A New Pace

Today feels so overwhelming I can hardly move. 

Physically taxed.  Schedule packed…all five of us, all week. 

Demands, notices, stuff running over to deal with everywhere.  Laundry piled. 

New goals just seem like another layer of something taxing to do.  No joy in them. We want to be in Tahiti or someplace like that on these days–shake it all off/pretend it’s not there.   Write something funny and light and encouraging…not face real life.  But…not today.  This moment is real. 

It has demands.  Urgencies.  Tasks.  Humans like us trying to fit the bill–yet too tired to even want to.  

Yeah, we know what we need…a fresh touch of Jesus.  But, we’re too tired to even do the seeking.

Only Him.  Take some time to breathe him in.  Rest.  Wait for the fresh touch to propel you forward again.

New goals can’t do it.  Humor can help, but it isn’t always enough.  Little joys don’t bridge a wide enough gap, and {gasp} not even chocolate {though I’m not throwing mine out yet}. 

We need his life flowing in us.  “In Him we live, and move, and have our being”.   He said, “I came, that you might have life, and have it to the full.”

Ever stuck, waiting for that evasive “more” feeling?  It’s there.  Keep waiting on him, resting in him, longing for him…it will come.  “The faithful inherit the land”.

Lord, help me be enough for today, by your grace alone.  Refresh me– in it all– like only you can do.  I’m following you.  It’s all I can do.  All that works.  All that gives me real life.  I wait.  I find your rest.

Comments:  off.  (Sometimes I feel that my personal spiritual posts don’t lend themselves to public discussion.  Sometimes, I personally need to share thoughts, but not converse about them.  I need silent, nodding heads on the other end.  So, comments are quietly off for this post.  Thanks for having my quiet time with me today.  I pray for you, friends.)

Seekers of Christ

Lord, we would be seekers of you.  We would be the ones who embrace your Wisdom.  But it is you who have sought and found us.  It is your Wisdom that has embraced us.  Is is you who begin and finish it all.  It is only You.

“All who seek me find me,” your Word says.  But are we not seekers because we have already been found first by you? And do we not find you because it is you who have first loved us?

Then seek us, O Lord, until we are completely found.  And draw us close with your lover, until we find you forever. 

–Michael Card, from The Promise:  a celebration of Christ’s birth

Prayer for You for Friday

Lord, Today again, 

Strengthen with your might

Immeasurably

All Your mighty warriors–

Those who live for you in service and love.

Protect them. 

Give them what they need.

Make us more than we are

Live your life through us.

In Jesus’s Name I pray,

Oh! Believing on You!

Amen.

For Kim and Family We Pray

Tonight Kim , from Sing Me Home blog prepares for breast cancer surgery.  Kim is our beloved lead soprano on our praise team.  She has a contagious joy and smile.  She loves Jesus.  And she loves people. 

Many of you know that Kim was diagnosed with cancer just three days after her phenomenal worship experience at the Nashville Deeper Still event (I took this picture as we walked to the event).  Our hearts have facilated between faith and grief for her as she’s undergone suspicion of cancer and testing since that time. 

So, beginning tomorrow morning, Kim faces eight hours of surgery.  Her husband and two girls will be waiting for her, as will we (I’ll have to check and see if she uses their names on her blog before I post those, my intent is to respect her wishes as well as I can discern them, not to neglect them in any way in not using their names at this time.)

I’ll be guest writing at her blog www.singmehome.wordpress.com at her request during the time of her surgery and recovery to post updates and prayer needs. 

I’m sure she will relish reading your words as soon as she is able.

If you’d like to link to this entry to request prayer for her tonight and tomorrow, feel free.

Sunday Prayer

Why so downcast, oh my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

For I will yet praise you

My Saviour and my God. 

 (~Psalms of King David, Holy Bible)

This morning, this scripture rang in my head.  And an epiphany, perhaps, of sorts. 

I’ve always thought it meant that in the middle of my distress, I should praise the Lord. 

But, perhaps it is about faith and trust. 

Perhaps He is saying, I am upset right now, but I know the Lord, and how He’s always working in my life in the past…so, though I feel legitimately low right now, I know with all that is in me, one day, I will be praising the Lord over this very situation.

I will YET praise you. Perhaps now, I struggle to praise…but, I will yet be doing it. 

I will yet “see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living”.

I will yet see God’s hand to “do me good and not harm all the days of my life”.

I will yet praise you…my Saviour and my God.

Just give me a minute.  Let this wave of surreal circumstances, this storm, blow over.

Oh, for the faith of Jesus, who did not get upset by the storm, knowing full well God’s plan was for good.  Knowing it, living it, breathing it…IT:  the prospect of joy and life and hope and faith being a more real reality than any confusion or doubt or anxiety. 

Oh!  For that kind of faith!

Yes!  Today, I pray for increased faith for the warrior.

I pray for increased joy for the weary.

I pray for worship to minister to the seeker.

I pray for a vision of your reality to consume us…to let us rest, to sleep in the boat, while others around us wring their hands and beg us to wake to their reality. 

I pray for the courage to continue to rest when there is chaos all around.  I pray for us to speak voices of faith and not re-enter the doubting zone.

I pray for vision and power and trust to save our joy, our light.  For “if the light that is within us is darkness, how great is that darkness!” 

I pray for light to our eyes. 

Hope in our voices.

Courage in our stance. 

Unshakeable faith, demanding faith, pressing-in faith.  Forcing-out faith.  Stong faith.  Permeating faith.  Overcoming faith.  Over-shadowing faith.  Joy-filled faith.  

Bring it on!  Even this day! 

Amen.

Hinds Feet on High Places vs. Level Paths

 

Should a person post if they only have really non-inspiring things to say? 

Good question.

One I am not willing to answer today.

1. I have a headache from over-sleeping the last few days.  But, as hubby says…there is no better way to get a headache.  I love that man!  I would agree.  I’m not taking a Tynenol, because the headache fits my mood rather well at the moment.  May as well keep this one instead of getting rid of it, only to go finding another one that fits my mood.
2. My step-sister came to town this weekend.  I did not get to visit with her because she is going through a divorce and “needs her space”…space I am not willing to give because I think she is making a huge mistake.  So, I don’t go see her.  It just seems to work better with those wanting a divorce…they don’t have a heart to hear anyway.  She just “wants to be loved”…this is the best way I have to love her right now.  And I hate it.  I hate all of it.
3. My step-dad is leaving for Iraq.  This is his last weekend home.  I hate it.  Another Dad leaving.  It just brings back all sorts of crappy stuff I’d rather not discuss.  And, you all know I usually don’t use such language on my blogs, so it is probably pretty intense.  Yup, crappy to the fullest extent of the word, but the Lord seems to be guiding there, so, here we go.
4. A dear friend has breast cancer…still.  Yup, she had it yesterday, she has it today, and my faith isn’t great enough to say it won’t be there tomorrow.  I’m very melted by the whole ordeal.  If you have the faith to pray, please do.  I’m too close to the situation to pray that way.  And that makes no sense, but for me, just the way it is.  I have to move to acceptance.   But, I do covet YOUR prayers.  Is that wimpy?  Is that not praying in a way that doesn’t cost me something?  I don’t know.  Today is not the day to answer that question either.
5. Unspoken. If all THESE things can be spoken, you know I really need prayers for the unspoken. 

Our pastor has called us to extended times of prayer.  I agree with the concept and the importance of it.  But, frankly, that is not going to change the “wait” of any of these situations, and praying is seems too controlling for me right now.  He knows my heart, and either he is working all things for my good, and I can trust Him, walk in it, and go on…or He’s a fake and a fraud, only trying to make life difficult for me.  I don’t believe that, for he is so merciful to me on a daily basis.  So, I can lean on the fact that He is good, all the time…or I have nothing left.

So, where do you add in faith that moves mountains?  I don’t know yet. 

And where does, ”Makes level paths for your feet.  Take only paths that are firm” (Proverbs 4:25-27) , my key verse for our family this season, fit into these mountains around me?  I don’t know that either for sure.  But, He will teach me.   He keeps confirming the verse for me, so that is where I must stay.   I am to make level paths for my husband and little ones–consuming most days to do it well.

Perhaps all the other mountains, of those people and situation near and dear to my heart…are not my mountains.  Not directly.  They can’t be…for I can’t climb them all, and surely can’t carry them all.  They are put there for a reason…scenery?  To build muscle in those who must climb?  I don’t know.

Oh, how they do make a lovely view!  Strong, unmoving, larger than life, glorious, in some mysterious way.

I think of “Hinds’ Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard for these dear ones, and pray that the journey of their mountains is as effective for them as climbs of my journey have been for me in years past–taking me to the Father of the Heights.  May their gentle shepherd be there to help them have “hinds’ feet”…the feet of a deer, as they climb on their “high places”!  I will be climbing with them, at times. 

But, I am not God.  I cannot forge their paths.   But, He can.  And I’ll be praying. 

Focus.  Balance.  Grace.  Lord, help me “get it” and help me if I’m “missing it”.

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This has gone long, but a special thanks to those of you who asked about yesterday.  Praise team was so touching and deep and such an effort I cannot describe (read posts below…a team member was diagnosed with cancer this week).  I did lose my music to one of the songs I was supposed to start at one point, and just asked the guitarist to take over…thankfully, I remembered the starting chord, but that’s all I had (a really long “drone” intro for a non-drone song!)  And, during the invitation, PianoStrings was  four times a louder volume than other piano settings, I forgot!   

But, we held it together.  Otherwise, it went well.  Some humor was added to “Lean on Me” (elbow, five!) I’d never heard before (apparently making me very old), but it helped yesterday, and a guy with a sense of humor was added to the team …a huge help to us all. 

God is good.

The baptism of my daughter last night was precious.  I’ll post on that later.   She did great!  The water was ICE COLD, though! 

Blessings, 

Maggie