Facebook and Middle School Kids: Guidelines for Parents

Middle school brings with it a need to begin to teach kids about texting and online socializing.  Helping your kids navigate these waters is important, and if parents AREN’T on facebook with their kids, it can be very dangerous and at the very least, unwise to allow you kids completely private worlds of conversation, texting, and online recording of of it for many to see.  It can harm their reputation and give them a mirror world…parents excluded.

Facebook has guidelines of being 13 years or older to join, but because of the allure of games with graphics geared toward kids of younger ages, and because kids love to connect, it is very difficult to wait that long.

Even though we are a very media conservative family, we allowed our kids to have facebook accounts, provided we always had the password, could block anyone we were not comfortable with, we would all disconnect if ads got inappropriate on Facebook, and we would stay “connected” as “facebook friends” for accountability purposes.

Our community and church youth group uses facebook for announcements and connection for private messaging.  Our kids don’t have phone and texts are expensive, but they can post us messages to facebook for free from their iPod Touch when they get free WiFi (very common at places they stay or visit when traveling on youth trips).   The connection has been valuable to celebrate life’s events with them.  Often, we will even  ”facebook” each other from different rooms in the house, exchanging humor and funny quips.  We have found it fun, for the most part.

With parental guidance, it can be fun.  It does take some oversight to stay healthy.  For instance, we have blocked girls in the summer who post playful pics of themselves and girlfriends in bikini tops, with the understanding that we might add them back in later if they calm down on that behavior in other seasons of the year.  While guys see girls in that dress when they are out, it just seems to translate differently online.   I’ve found that I know things about kids their parents do not know because they are not in their kid’s social networking circles, unfortunately.  It makes it very awkward to tell them when they are not taking opportunities to keep up with what their kids are doing.

Like it or not, social networking seems to be where kids gravitate.

Facebook Tips:

1. Control panel has settings where you can only let “friends” see your photos.  I think this is wise.  ”Friends of friends” seeing those can lure in predators.
2. Appropriate commenting is important to discuss with your child.  Scripture tells us to build one another up.
3. Advise children to NOT put up posts when the family will be away from home for extended times.
4. You can set their account so that people cannot find them by searching on facebook.  They would have to invite appropriate friends themselves.
5. Sharing “friendship quarrels”.  This is mainly girls.  Providing guidance on how much emotion is appropriate to air and why.
6. Types of photos and why
7. Chatting:  I’ll cover this more below
8. Apps.  Applications like gaming and sending special icons on facebook often ask you to allow “access to your information”.  It is important to NOT run a lot of apps or untrusted apps because they can present security threats to your computer, using by way of “spamming” messages to your facebook account, posting posts you never agreed to post.  If there is an option which says “allow posts without my permission”, DO NOT CHECK IT.
9. Double checking information.  Snopes.com is a great website to run things through before posting.  Missing children’s reports, bizarre sounding news stories, gimmicks.  A lot of these are posted without thought that they may not be true.  It’s the equivalent of gossip.  Don’t repeat it until you check it out to keep credibility.
10. Realize TONE is not communicated in writing, so we have to be careful.
11. Gaming:  While games like “Farm Town” can be fun, realize they need oversight to determine the level of involvement created with strangers.  In ‘Farm Town”, for instance, kids will interact with adults to be “hired” for work.  Generally, this is straightforward, but oversight is good.   Realize that some games are not age appropriate.  Discuss with your kids what games are suitable and which ones you’d prefer them to stay away from.

Facebook Chat

Facebook does not record chat history.  While we are not prying, it’s important to get some spot checks and checkpoints to make sure interactions between guys and girls are on appropriate levels for their age.  ( I believe this is also try for phone chatting/texting.)  I am looking into an extention app to my browser bar to give me tools as a parent I would like to have to check in on this from facebook (I recommend having similar guidelines for electrnic devices).    This app has been taken down everywhere in Google chrome and is only available to Firefox users through facebook at this time.  While I prefer Google Chrome for it’s current viral superiority, readability, and asthetics, I will be switching back to try to keep a handle on this important area.   As to the new Firefox, be aware that it allows history deletion by page or by the last 1, 2, or 4 hours and so on–tnot healthy for families for the most part, though there are times during Christmas season it would have helped me as a mom!

But, Prying?

Back in the day, my parents could pick up the phone at any time.  They made it clear that they paid the phone bill, and they could monitor my conversations, not pry, but spot check.  I was aware.  I had to play by their rules.  I’m glad they set them and it really did help.  Today, things have changed.  Our tools have to change to keep up.  My kids are aware that I will do this, it is my Biblical responsibility according to Proverbs 31  ”She watches diligently over the affairs of her household.”  My kids have not rebelled against oversight, in fact, it seems to make them feel more safe to have some guidelines and oversight.  On rare occasion, I’ve asked them to take a post down if their information has gotten ahead of where it needed to be.  For example, once my child overheard a phone conversation about a reschedule on a children’s play.  That “final” information affected a lot of people and needed to come from her choir leader, not from our post.

That’s all for now.  Hopefully these guidelines will help you begin to keep track of what’s up with your kids.

Video: Kevin Skinner (35) of Mayfield, KY, makes America’s Got Talent, 2009–Wows Judges

Here’s the video from Kevin Skinner of Mayfield, KY who wowed America’s Got Talent in the 2009 season. Some call him potentially another “Susan Boyle” story. He’s an unemployed chicken catcher, 35 yrs. old. I really enjoyed the performance. Do you think he’s “got it”?

Open-Source, High Quality Games Review

For you gamers out there looking for some high quality, open source gaming action, there’s a great post here on the topic.  “High-quality”, as in, high graphical quality–I don’t endorse all the games…we don’t do any shooting games of people in my house.  Aliens and Star Wars we’ve allowed.

I’m interested in the Super Mario look-alike.  You can play levels other developers have made!  (It takes about 1 GB to download it, though.  Yikes!)  He says it’s worth it the games are so good.  Guess I’d have to judge that.  I haven’t played Super Mario Brothers since I was about 14.  I was a weekend Nanny for a family and played it with there kids.  One word:  addicting!

The link again:  Open-Source. High Quality Games

Is Guitar Hero Right for Us?

I ordered a multitap from ebay a week or so ago for seven bucks.  Instead, I got a mysterious package which turned out to be a wrong shipped order of a cordless Guitar Hero guitar!  Wow.  I spent an hour exploring the mysterious package’s source, finally realizing the connection and called the company.  They told me in cases like that, they tell people to keep it. 

Well, doggies!  THANK YE!

But…we don’t have the game “Guitar Hero” (it wasn’t bundled).  Boy Wonder has played Guitar Hero at friend’s houses for a change of pace and seemed to enjoy it.  We thought we’d check tonight about getting it for him for Christmas as something different.

Having read a review tonight, we’re not sure:

1. We don’t emphasize secular rock, mainly because of offensive words and tone.  Have you listened to the biggest rock station lately?  Geez.   I can’t leave it on in the van with my kids.  
2. A Christian perspective review covering both the fun and addiction of the game, and potentially offensive content makes us wonder if it is a “best” choice for our family.
3. Even if it were appropriate enough for Boy Wonder to “block” at age 11 (and with everything said in the review, I’m not sure it is for long-term exposure), our six-year-old doesn’t need to be listening to “Shout at the Devil”, Ozzie Osborn, or hear “profanities found in R rated movies”, whatever those may be (I’m interested to know more on that),or hear God’s taken in vain throughout the game.   We often make the kids ”mute” Playstation II basketball games that can’t seem to do without that.  
4. Cartoons with female characters who dress in a certain way are the norm, but lingerie and bikinis?  I’ve not seen it, and I doubt he would use those characters anyway, but my daughter would, and TV guests are not required in my home to be shown grace.  They either meet the standard, or they are asked to kindly leave until they can show some respect.

Here’s the link with good info if you are interested in what seemed to be a well-balanced review if you are considering the game for your kids for Christmas:  http://www.ccgr.org/console/guitar-hero-2.html

Now, having said that, I know…I know!  A lot of people play it who probably have no trouble with it and enjoy “classic” guitar players, trying to emmulate them.  I’m sure it is great fun.  I hope you continue to enjoy it!  Guidelines are different for each family.  Rest in that.  I’m not judging you.  I’m writing as a Mom for those with young kids who are evaluating, and in terms of my own exploration, not casting the die for you.  

Something that plays into it for us is, in my home, so far we have only one central TV and one central computer and one gaming system by choice.  We are all forced to compromise time, appropriateness, and choose things everyone can view all at the same time.  While annoying at times, it helps keep us all “sharper” in our choices as a whole than we would be otherwise. 

“They are going to get exposed to it anyway!”  True.  But, it doesn’t have to be the norm in our home.   That’s my answer to that.  If games want my dollar, they need to meet standards for family viewing for now.   Hopefully there will be some good alternatives for younger audiences who just want to enjoy the love of music without the rip roar of everything else they want to “bundle” into the scene.

And, that’s my review, having never seen the game in action.