Facebook and Middle School Kids: Guidelines for Parents

Middle school brings with it a need to begin to teach kids about texting and online socializing.  Helping your kids navigate these waters is important, and if parents AREN’T on facebook with their kids, it can be very dangerous and at the very least, unwise to allow you kids completely private worlds of conversation, texting, and online recording of of it for many to see.  It can harm their reputation and give them a mirror world…parents excluded.

Facebook has guidelines of being 13 years or older to join, but because of the allure of games with graphics geared toward kids of younger ages, and because kids love to connect, it is very difficult to wait that long.

Even though we are a very media conservative family, we allowed our kids to have facebook accounts, provided we always had the password, could block anyone we were not comfortable with, we would all disconnect if ads got inappropriate on Facebook, and we would stay “connected” as “facebook friends” for accountability purposes.

Our community and church youth group uses facebook for announcements and connection for private messaging.  Our kids don’t have phone and texts are expensive, but they can post us messages to facebook for free from their iPod Touch when they get free WiFi (very common at places they stay or visit when traveling on youth trips).   The connection has been valuable to celebrate life’s events with them.  Often, we will even  ”facebook” each other from different rooms in the house, exchanging humor and funny quips.  We have found it fun, for the most part.

With parental guidance, it can be fun.  It does take some oversight to stay healthy.  For instance, we have blocked girls in the summer who post playful pics of themselves and girlfriends in bikini tops, with the understanding that we might add them back in later if they calm down on that behavior in other seasons of the year.  While guys see girls in that dress when they are out, it just seems to translate differently online.   I’ve found that I know things about kids their parents do not know because they are not in their kid’s social networking circles, unfortunately.  It makes it very awkward to tell them when they are not taking opportunities to keep up with what their kids are doing.

Like it or not, social networking seems to be where kids gravitate.

Facebook Tips:

1. Control panel has settings where you can only let “friends” see your photos.  I think this is wise.  ”Friends of friends” seeing those can lure in predators.
2. Appropriate commenting is important to discuss with your child.  Scripture tells us to build one another up.
3. Advise children to NOT put up posts when the family will be away from home for extended times.
4. You can set their account so that people cannot find them by searching on facebook.  They would have to invite appropriate friends themselves.
5. Sharing “friendship quarrels”.  This is mainly girls.  Providing guidance on how much emotion is appropriate to air and why.
6. Types of photos and why
7. Chatting:  I’ll cover this more below
8. Apps.  Applications like gaming and sending special icons on facebook often ask you to allow “access to your information”.  It is important to NOT run a lot of apps or untrusted apps because they can present security threats to your computer, using by way of “spamming” messages to your facebook account, posting posts you never agreed to post.  If there is an option which says “allow posts without my permission”, DO NOT CHECK IT.
9. Double checking information.  Snopes.com is a great website to run things through before posting.  Missing children’s reports, bizarre sounding news stories, gimmicks.  A lot of these are posted without thought that they may not be true.  It’s the equivalent of gossip.  Don’t repeat it until you check it out to keep credibility.
10. Realize TONE is not communicated in writing, so we have to be careful.
11. Gaming:  While games like “Farm Town” can be fun, realize they need oversight to determine the level of involvement created with strangers.  In ‘Farm Town”, for instance, kids will interact with adults to be “hired” for work.  Generally, this is straightforward, but oversight is good.   Realize that some games are not age appropriate.  Discuss with your kids what games are suitable and which ones you’d prefer them to stay away from.

Facebook Chat

Facebook does not record chat history.  While we are not prying, it’s important to get some spot checks and checkpoints to make sure interactions between guys and girls are on appropriate levels for their age.  ( I believe this is also try for phone chatting/texting.)  I am looking into an extention app to my browser bar to give me tools as a parent I would like to have to check in on this from facebook (I recommend having similar guidelines for electrnic devices).    This app has been taken down everywhere in Google chrome and is only available to Firefox users through facebook at this time.  While I prefer Google Chrome for it’s current viral superiority, readability, and asthetics, I will be switching back to try to keep a handle on this important area.   As to the new Firefox, be aware that it allows history deletion by page or by the last 1, 2, or 4 hours and so on–tnot healthy for families for the most part, though there are times during Christmas season it would have helped me as a mom!

But, Prying?

Back in the day, my parents could pick up the phone at any time.  They made it clear that they paid the phone bill, and they could monitor my conversations, not pry, but spot check.  I was aware.  I had to play by their rules.  I’m glad they set them and it really did help.  Today, things have changed.  Our tools have to change to keep up.  My kids are aware that I will do this, it is my Biblical responsibility according to Proverbs 31  ”She watches diligently over the affairs of her household.”  My kids have not rebelled against oversight, in fact, it seems to make them feel more safe to have some guidelines and oversight.  On rare occasion, I’ve asked them to take a post down if their information has gotten ahead of where it needed to be.  For example, once my child overheard a phone conversation about a reschedule on a children’s play.  That “final” information affected a lot of people and needed to come from her choir leader, not from our post.

That’s all for now.  Hopefully these guidelines will help you begin to keep track of what’s up with your kids.

Video: Kevin Skinner (35) of Mayfield, KY, makes America’s Got Talent, 2009–Wows Judges

Here’s the video from Kevin Skinner of Mayfield, KY who wowed America’s Got Talent in the 2009 season. Some call him potentially another “Susan Boyle” story. He’s an unemployed chicken catcher, 35 yrs. old. I really enjoyed the performance. Do you think he’s “got it”?

Expelled, New Movie Release

Our pastor blogged today about a great movie that sounds mind-opening called Expelled.  The reviews are incredible (read them on his link).  I plan to see it soon.

See an extended reason behind the movie at this youtube link (9 minutes), or see their website actual movie trailer on their website; 1 minute)–
It’s great.

 

Florida Passes “Droopy Pants” Law

Related, last night on Oprah’s big give, Miss Former America Placeholder (whatever that means) wore a high-rise, spagehetti strap shirt during the “reveal” of their gift.  She was “revealing” herself, in an elementary school, as fake SNOW fell out of the ceiling. 

None of the judges mentioned it.  Only praise for that team. 

A lady on the other team greeted the former President of the United States in a spaghetti strap shirt, bouncing around like she had no idea how to be a public person.

The judges have centered on team drama– inability to get along, but I think professional presentation ranks up there when you work with the public.  It should.  It does in our Anywhereville, USA.   Example matters when  you are teaching people to live healthy, happy lives.  It sure does!

Not long ago, on another show, the HomeMaker Edition, the ever-energetic host was running down– they had to blur the screen when his pants literally fell down as he was running.  The crowd-full of live people cheering were not so lucky.   He knows he’s going to be in front of people, a crowd, and on TV, and yet he can’t wear pants that won’t fall off, or a belt to hold them up.  This seems a priority for me.  But, what do I know?  Both of these are family shows…I won’t even get into the ads for the shows.  We literally HAVE to turn the channel every time an ad for “Dancing with the Stars” comes on.  I’m sorry if you like it.  Not family fare.  Family shows needs family-oriented ads backing them.

These people can do what they do, yet they cannot clothe themselves with any degree of common sense.

Reuters news feed for pants story: here.  They are tying to educate boys that the idea origated in prisons when an in-mate was trying to hook up with another man for favors.  I like the idea of starting somewhere when it comes to respecting others, but stopping with that issue as our focus seems too narrow a view.

Open-Source, High Quality Games Review

For you gamers out there looking for some high quality, open source gaming action, there’s a great post here on the topic.  “High-quality”, as in, high graphical quality–I don’t endorse all the games…we don’t do any shooting games of people in my house.  Aliens and Star Wars we’ve allowed.

I’m interested in the Super Mario look-alike.  You can play levels other developers have made!  (It takes about 1 GB to download it, though.  Yikes!)  He says it’s worth it the games are so good.  Guess I’d have to judge that.  I haven’t played Super Mario Brothers since I was about 14.  I was a weekend Nanny for a family and played it with there kids.  One word:  addicting!

The link again:  Open-Source. High Quality Games

Is Guitar Hero Right for Us?

I ordered a multitap from ebay a week or so ago for seven bucks.  Instead, I got a mysterious package which turned out to be a wrong shipped order of a cordless Guitar Hero guitar!  Wow.  I spent an hour exploring the mysterious package’s source, finally realizing the connection and called the company.  They told me in cases like that, they tell people to keep it. 

Well, doggies!  THANK YE!

But…we don’t have the game “Guitar Hero” (it wasn’t bundled).  Boy Wonder has played Guitar Hero at friend’s houses for a change of pace and seemed to enjoy it.  We thought we’d check tonight about getting it for him for Christmas as something different.

Having read a review tonight, we’re not sure:

1. We don’t emphasize secular rock, mainly because of offensive words and tone.  Have you listened to the biggest rock station lately?  Geez.   I can’t leave it on in the van with my kids.  
2. A Christian perspective review covering both the fun and addiction of the game, and potentially offensive content makes us wonder if it is a “best” choice for our family.
3. Even if it were appropriate enough for Boy Wonder to “block” at age 11 (and with everything said in the review, I’m not sure it is for long-term exposure), our six-year-old doesn’t need to be listening to “Shout at the Devil”, Ozzie Osborn, or hear “profanities found in R rated movies”, whatever those may be (I’m interested to know more on that),or hear God’s taken in vain throughout the game.   We often make the kids ”mute” Playstation II basketball games that can’t seem to do without that.  
4. Cartoons with female characters who dress in a certain way are the norm, but lingerie and bikinis?  I’ve not seen it, and I doubt he would use those characters anyway, but my daughter would, and TV guests are not required in my home to be shown grace.  They either meet the standard, or they are asked to kindly leave until they can show some respect.

Here’s the link with good info if you are interested in what seemed to be a well-balanced review if you are considering the game for your kids for Christmas:  http://www.ccgr.org/console/guitar-hero-2.html

Now, having said that, I know…I know!  A lot of people play it who probably have no trouble with it and enjoy “classic” guitar players, trying to emmulate them.  I’m sure it is great fun.  I hope you continue to enjoy it!  Guidelines are different for each family.  Rest in that.  I’m not judging you.  I’m writing as a Mom for those with young kids who are evaluating, and in terms of my own exploration, not casting the die for you.  

Something that plays into it for us is, in my home, so far we have only one central TV and one central computer and one gaming system by choice.  We are all forced to compromise time, appropriateness, and choose things everyone can view all at the same time.  While annoying at times, it helps keep us all “sharper” in our choices as a whole than we would be otherwise. 

“They are going to get exposed to it anyway!”  True.  But, it doesn’t have to be the norm in our home.   That’s my answer to that.  If games want my dollar, they need to meet standards for family viewing for now.   Hopefully there will be some good alternatives for younger audiences who just want to enjoy the love of music without the rip roar of everything else they want to “bundle” into the scene.

And, that’s my review, having never seen the game in action.

  

FREE Streaming Christmas Music…Listen While You Work!

2008 UPDATE: This year, Pandora.com surpasses all of these in my humble opinion.  You can not only listen to all Christmas music, but the style you want, 100% commercial free.  It’s outrageous.  Just select the artist and their Christmas albums, and  you’ll get all music in that general style.  Only catch is…is for noncommercial use only.

KLove great Christmas music playing if you’d like some fresh and uplifting tunes while you work.  Peace in the snow, purity of the white,  night air invading sleepy lungs, carols sung in the night…all the things Christmas is so great about. I’m waxing poetic, eh?

Aaah…see, you need some of new music is what you need!  I was tired of my personal collection.  They list the songs and artists as they play…lovin’ that!  KLove…get you some!

ACAZA.com NO COMMERCIALS OR DJs!  1.  Register  2.  chose your station, choose “Christmas”.  To the right in a box, select either Windows Media or Real Player.  Broad Selection of music from every genre.

LITE 98.7 NO REGISTRATION OR DOWNLOADS NEEDED! New York Station, home of weeknight’s “Delilah”.  I’ve heard her say some very truthful thing lately I’ve been impressed with.  Good music, and great mix; with ads.  Good contemporary classics.  Negative:  NO PAUSE BUTTON.  I find this a little inconvenient at times if I need to listen to something else online, but a good choice for many people or to work in the kitchen and let it play.

One reader sent in:   Z88.3 out of Orlando.  I’ve not gotten the link for you yet, but thanks!

Who Do You Look Like?

 

I’ve posted some long posts lately…enough to keep you busy for a while.  You are probably like me, bookmark ‘em until you have a minute, and…you never seem to have a minute! 

I added some videos through VodPod.com on the right sidebar.  I like them there for my personal use as well as for yours.  iTunes hogs my system, so I get to where I don’t initiate it.  I have purchased all these songs, but it’s sure easier on my system to play them from here than to boot iTunes.   The videos are great.  You can run them from vodpod (click “SEE ALL __ VIDEOS”),then minimize and do other work, or surf other blogs–very cool.  (I hate music that plays from blogs home page and then clicks off when I want to comment, and then restarts when I go ‘back’.  It just kills my little groove.)   

 

I did this Look a Like thing again in honor of the next segment.  Note,  you can exclude the ones you don’t like!  I excluded a few!    If the people who came up with this little test were selling something, I’d probably buy it. 

In other exciting news: someone told me last night that I favored like Julia Roberts.  “I mean this as a compliment, but…” 

Oh, no apology.  I think she’s great.  Pretty Woman had me.  I saw it at a GA or Acteen sleepover at the church as a young teen.  Nobody tell my Mom.  I think we missed a significant part of the story line at that time.  When I told my husband I liked it and we tried to watch it a few years later, well, I got the rest of the story line.  We must have not been paying much attention, or giggling, or something on the whole prostitute scene.  All I remembered was a white horse or a white car at the end and a terrace–you know, the classic white knight in white armor thing.

So, yeah, Julia has like a ga-zillion more teeth than me, and is a good two feet taller than me, and has twice the hair I do, but…you know, there are some compliments you just take irregardless.  And while we are here, I have to say:  I HATED Erin Brochovich.  My husband loved the story line and her tenacity, I couldn’t get over her accent and clothes.  I just had her pegged as a lady and that ruined the whole thing for me.   

Anyway, I used to hear the same rather often when my hair was styled similar to hers.  Last night, the comment was “I don’t think of her when I see you, but I think of you when I see her.”  Unravel that for me.  Probably  means I’m more popular than her, or something.  .  

This is very scientific, too.  For a while, I wore my hair short like Halle Berry’s…people told me I looked like her.  You know, the caucasion, non-James Bond sort of woman that I am!   Go figure. 

This somehow led me back to the fruit of the Spirit.    Yeah, well, hang with me here!  Yesterday, our pastor told us that the fruit of the Spirit was the personality of Christ.  If we want to “look like” him, we will “inherit” the traits of his personality, some over time:  “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”  (from Galations 5:22-23). 

With that in mind, we were getting ready for school today, and I heard my daughter screeching reprimands at little brother in my ”mommy voice”. 

I said, ”Good grief!  We.  Are.  Working. On. GENTLENESS AROUND HERE!!!!“  {gulp.}

She sounds just like me.  The point is, she doesn’t need to.   She’s not “The Mom!”  I told her that she wasn’t sounding Christ-like, and wasn’t using The Tone for the purpose for which The Tone was created.  

What was the offense?  Well, her little brother had forgotten to put his backpack in the van.  I mean, I never sometimes yell over things like that!  But,…well, “I’M The MOM!“ 

It dawned on me later today as to why the Old Testament Bible prophets had pull with God when they prayed, “Lord, please don’t unleash your all anger full force as you should or could!  The people don’t understand!  They can’t handle it.  Yes, it’s justified, but your reputation depends on your response!  Consider your honor!  Consider your promises!  Have mercy!  Relent!”

I feel God imploring the same of me, The Mom, with the same: “Consider…!”

Yes, I could unleash my fury.  Yes, sometimes, I should.  Oh yes, sometimes, I do!!!   I rarely feel sorry about it with three kids going nuts all the time.

But, I want my kids to look like Him, not like the most beautiful people we esteem today.  For that to happen, this Mom needs to resemble Him herself.  G-E-N-T-L-E-N-E-S-S.  K-I-N-D-N-E-S-S.   Very motivating, indeed.

So, back to actors and actresses: www.heritage.com does these cool look a like tests.  They are fun to run with family members over the holidays if you’ve never done them!  Get your face forward face snap shots ready.  You’re sure to get some good laughs from the fam!  Post yours and send me the link!

Best Hair for 2007

I found a new goal.

Emma Robert’s hair.

If I could grow my hair long without having a bad day and cutting it (pretty much an impossibility…long hair starts to stress me out), this is how I would try to wear it.  Very easy, simple to wear up, and overall, just elegant and pretty.  I like.

Emma Roberts, born 1991.  Er…the year I graduated from high school.

You might recognize her from the Nancy Drew Movie.

 Hair makes a difference, eh? 

Miss South Carolina’s Answer As to Why 20% of Americans Can’t Locate the US on a Map

I’ve seen this here and there on the net this week and I just have to watch it every time.  It’s a good thing the gal is already “Mrs.” cause I’m not real sure she could seal the deal after that one.  Ouch!   Somebody just informed me that it was from the Teen USA Pageant, and she is only 18…that does explain some things. 

I’ve certainly tripped over my words in stressful situations, so I can’t say much, but it was pretty painful to watch, and such, like that, for Iraq, and South Africa, and such…???

Diversion

Click the green link in this sentence to check it out!  Britains Got Talent winner and runner up. 

Guess who won?

Video: Paul Potts Sings Opera on Britain’s Got Talent…Awesome

Have you seen this guy?   It’s just so suprising.   I had missed this live and just saw it over at Leigh’s today.  She said to get a hanky ready…so right…just leaves you smiling with “what’s right with the world” somehow.

PS:  This guy ended up winning the thing, I heard last night!  The second runner up was also a fav I had bookmarked. I’ll add that.  So precious!  Six year old girl, Connie, Wows Simon:

Who were your favs?  Comment below–list the youTube link if you like.  I’m bookmarking some for the fam to watch.

.XXX Domain Controversy

“Domains will continue to hold their PG status, with the recent axe of the proposal to give adult Web sites their own “.xxx” domain.

The 9-5 decision by the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers came nearly seven years after the proposal was first brought to the ICM Registry LLC table.

Both extreme sides of the debate, from adult-entertainment industry to religious groups, criticized the plan. Religious groups worried that it would legitimize and expand the number of adult-oriented sites; some in the adult-entertainment industry said the “.xxx” domain would “essentially ghettoize sexual information on the Web.” (Fox News: Full Story)

“Nearly all of the board members who voted against approving the domain said they were concerned about the possibility that ICANN could find itself in the content regulation business if the domain name was approved. Others criticized that, saying ICANN should not block new domains over fears like that, noting that local, state and national laws could be used to decide what is pornographic and what is not.”

“Religious groups worried that “.xxx” [a specific domain for "adult content" sites] would legitimize and expand the number of adults sites, which more than a third of U.S. Internet users visit each month, according to comScore Media Metrix. The Web site measurement firm said 4 percent of all Web traffic and 2 percent of all time spent Web surfing involved an adult site.” –Fox News (Full Story)

Do you think a “.xxx” domain was a good idea, or a bad one? Fox invites readers to E-mail www.speakout@foxnews.com to let them know what you think. 

Maggie ads:  Though studies are sketchy as to the link between pornography and “deviant” behavior later in life, most of those studies are tainted by what is and is not considered “deviant.   In our culture, the ”if it feels good, do it” philosophy tends to reign.  If both are consenting adults, even better.  No consequences.  Just “outlets”.  “Science” tends to follow this approach.  A degree in Individual and Family Development, I know the research, methods, and lies generally undergirding most studies.

God has a design for physical pleasure.  It’s a gift.  It’s fun.  It’s creative.  It’s fulfilling and useful and will be a blessing for two married people.  Trifling with that plan can cause a lot of long term pain  and turmoil.  With mixed scientific data, why am I opposed to pornography?  It takes what would otherwise be personal and private, fulfilling, and “holy” (set apart), and makes it cheap and free-for-all. 

We’ve become way too desensitized as to what type of entertainment we allow into our homes.  Entertainment that walks in the face of God’s plan for marriage, purity, and relationships, moving us gradually toward mindsets that  entrap, stealing the joy in marriage that should be ours to cherish and enjoy.

If you are struggling in this area, there are all kinds of resources available to help you find God’s best design meant for you.  Visit www.fotf.org for excellent resources.

Keep Your Eyes (More) Pure Using youTube

The scriptures tell us to be thoughtful in the way that we live, not as unwise, but wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  That means that we are to know that we live in precarious times…we need to watch our step, and yet try to make a difference where we can, both at the same time.

As a bit of a retraction (am I allowed that?), due to some conversations and input, I am no longer boycotting youTube as a whole… only their ads.  I hope you’ll stick with me and read why without thinking me fickle.   

First, I need to answer some questions and give some tips as to how to use youTube to avoid those “visual land mines” where we know they exist:  

1.   Use the “My Favorites” and “Subscriptions” tools.  When you use the “subscribe” feature, you can subscribe to trusted author’s videos whom you’ve enjoyed in the past.  When they put out something new, just check your 
“subscriptions” tab and see all the new stuff they’ve put out since you visited last.  This keeps you from wandering arounnd where you perhaps should not be quite as much.   I currently have more in My Subscrotions to watch than I’d ever have time to watch. 

2.  Use the Search Feature… to selectively choose topics you are interested in rather than giving your mind room to wander, explore, and be entertained filtering through whatever has been published today.  I bookmark videos my kids are allowed to watch.  My kids are not allowed to free surf on youTube. 

3.   Watch for “visual land mines”!   If you are a Christian, hopefully you’ve addressed this issue already, I don’t know how guys do it, but don’t be unwise to Satan’s schemes.  Know that MANY people, men and women are getting addicted to internet pornography…there is an appeal innate in us that is drawn to what seems forbidden and “out there”.   Do not just randomly just explore “what’s out there”just to “see what’s out there.  Trust me, if it CAN happen…it’s out there to see.  Curiosity killed the cat.   Don’t research in the name of ministry.  There are minister porn addiction stories coming out every day due to that excuse. 

4.  Report!  (Why take the time?)  Why?  That helps them filter “live!”  There is no way they alone can filter alone all the bulk.  Don’t look for it, or click on it, but if you find it by accident, report it.  

————————————–
So, why did I just give you tips to use youTube when I said I was boycotting youTube?  HA!  I’m just that fickle!  No…because I realized my main trouble with youTube right now is with their ads…other things are just internet responsibilty we are going to have to learn. 

Today at my church, there was a strong message that we, as Christians, need to be known for “what we are for…not so much for what we are against”.  Definitely!!!  That’s the kind of person I want to be–more concerned about people’s salvation than destracted and Satan’s diversions.  We can get so wound up in reactivity, “issues”, and “social concerns” that we have no time to win the lost!  Satan still wins!  But, oh, church!  Let’s not react to reactions.  Let’s respond in the obedient character and nature of Christ:  full of both grace and truth.

Maggie

Two Movie Reviews

1.  Bridget Jones’s Diary comes on tonight on ABC Family.  I don’t like movies, but it’s so different than anything else I’ve ever seen.  There is a lot of adult sexual humor, permarital sex in it…but the development of her character is just so unpredictable that it catches you off guard.  She’s not that attractive, slightly large for modern movie start standards, and the character is, too. Yet, her ackwardness and whimsy is just laughable.

2.  As to the movie “Click”?  My hubby and I watched that last night.  Me, desperate for some grown up TV time after a week of Disney.  Wanted some time to siti with my man.   The movie.  some staying power with me …the effect of what life would be like if we could somehow Fast Forward >> through all the sickness, deadlines, waiting, unlikeable parts of life, you’d be a zombie, unengaged, unattached, uninvolved…missing all the best parts, the growing, the learning, the conversations and emotions.  Very touching, if you can get past the the zillions of boob jobs  (I think they used every woman with a boob job alive) and unbelievably in your face language didn’t seem to add to the quality of the movie.  (I grabbed the movie off the shelf without researching, hubbie said he was really glad I was the one who picked that one rather than him!  YUP.)

Later!