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I’m at a different place today than I was a year ago.

I’m not sure that I can articulate it in a writing or a post.  I just know that things are different.

I know that I’m needed to be available here more, to have meals ready, to create “routine” and “order” and “flow”–not perfection, but good, well-executed effort and forethought.

I know that I’m needed to be in balance myself:  rested, eating well, and striving toward personal goals of fitness and good spiritual and mental health–if I’m not where I need to be…my family is not where it needs to be.  I suffer with less headaches and stress when I go to bed early (I am SO a late night person…love it, convince myself I need it!).  I do better when I eat less raw sugar, and eat more whole foods.  My body and mind feed better, I am on less “buzz”, I have less times of “coming down”, I have fewer headaches.  I feel less tired.  I exercise more disciplines in other areas when I’m disciplines in this area.

I’m trying, by the grace and help of God, which I pray for very regularly.  Well, I say “pray”, but honestly, “beg” is probably a much better word.  I want to be who I need to be, not only to give glory to God, not only to be what I’m made to be…but, mainly, now, at this point in the journey, so those around me can be who they need to be…those I love most, and who are most near and dear to me.  This is a big jump–to change personal habits, eating, sleep preferences so that I can be who I need to be for the group.  It is a dying to self.  It is a new perspective given to me, not one I am making.  The changes have been happening before I knew why they are happening, actually.  I just see the effects, and I thank God for doing something…some “things”, I have been unable to do on my own for many years.  I think the goals and scriptures, and prior striving probably play a part in how much easier it seems now, but ultimately, on top of it all, I still cannot do it without Him.  I am too “me”.  Not that “me” is bad…it is just filled with many preferences, and rationalizations, and learning that he has to deal with.

I read a scripture yesterday while sitting in church.  It said that if you examined yourself (before taking the Lord’s supper is the context), the Lord would not judge you as harshly, but if you did not examine yourself, that he would judge you more harshly (I Corinthians 11:27-32).  The passage wasn’t referring to the ultimate judgment after death, but a discipline and judgment here on earth that showed itself in sickness and/or weakness.  So, I guess God does allow those two things to humble us when we refuse to admit where we are.  No, that doesn’t mean that anytime we are weak and sick that it is a result of un-confessed sin, but it does confirm that God can use times of sin and weakness to humble us, slow us down, get us quiet, and have opportunity to deal with us.  It’s the same principle, I think, as that of “grounding” a child.  An imposed time set aside to pull away and get quiet and let God speak.   I know God has used them at times in my life when I needed to slow down and rest or just change course, or have time to “reset“.

It was interesting to me, though, that if we examined ourselves, he is more gentle with us. He wants us to be looking, and trying, and striving on our own.  He doesn’t want to have to do it all for us.  He wants us to look and see if the fruit in our lives is lining up, or if we need to work in some areas, perhaps even confess to other people and seek help.  Many of you have probably had times with a child when you said, “I know you were in a tight spo.  Perhaps you were afraid to tell me, but if you had only come to me, I could have helped you!  Don’t be so afraid of my punishment that you move away from opportunities I have to teach you what you need to know and help you make it through those times!”

I have.

Right now, I am inclined to look at myself.  To confess.  To try to deal with things.  To seek help.

We don’t have to make mountains out of mole-hills, but we do need to live honest lives, true to ourselves and to the God within us.

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With all that heavy thinking that comes from a week of heavy parenting and self-reflection as a result, today’s agenda is chicken pot pie (the chicken is pretty much ready to get in the oven now and I’ve been ot the store for ingredients this morning already–yeah!), rice, and milk.  It’s a hearty meal with veggies and bread already in it, so that will be it.  Lunch for me:  (unknown due to a need to be out of the house, working on that plan to keep up healthier less sugar and white breads I’m working on). I feel SO much better and level all day.  It’s wonderful.

Today:  helping the kitchen crew with the chain saw ministry.  People right now are here from South Carolina in disaster relief efforts to help with tree-limb clean up from the storm.  They are here from long distances, in the freezing cold, ministering.  It’s 25 degrees here today.  They’ve been here about a week.  Four more people are possibly coming today, and possibly a new team, or a second team tomorrow.

An angelic kitchen crew has been working through the storm, and now to help feed the crews.  I’m just now getting things settled enough to volunteer.  I hope I can a few days this week, barring home emergencies.

—

Though I can blog less, God is refreshing me and filling me with new energy from you.  One day last week, one of you sent me a new worship CD from an artist you know I love that just came out.  {humbled–it sang me to sleep last night when I couldn’t get to sleep with too much on my mind}.  Another day, one of you dropped me a beautiful and cheery card.  {smiling still}.  Yet one more day, one of you dropped a package in the mail with some fresh scrapbooking supplies, for dreaming of “me” time.  {tickled pink}.  A couple of you “heard me out” and gave me a pep talk, a smile, courage, hope.  Trials have rolled lately, and I’m still learning to roll with them.  Without the ever-presence of God, above all, I would be so very lost.  He keeps me singing.

I love you all.  Thanks for seeing, thanks for blessing.  Thanks for doing that little bit more that raises my head and causes me to take a breath of fresh air from a higher climate.  It goes a long way.

Wherever you are, many blessings to you this week as you “pursue” those things that bring glory to him:  righteousness, faith, purity, love, grace…may they ever more be yours as you seek Him.

Balance and Artistry

To be “artsy”, an “artist” of any kind can be a precarious thing.  It can bring irrational focus and vision for something trite or trivial, at times.  A need to “create”, get “it” out, fine tune.  It can provoke time- consuming, unjustified, attention and focus. 

The results?  Beautiful or noteworthy to some, perhaps.  To others, inconsequential.  

The “consolation” of “the creation” takes a lot out of a person.   Therefore, the “it” can be a mixed blessing, like most things. 

The same for all “gifts” or “talents”.  A fine line between grace and flesh. 

I’m not yet good at that balance sometimes.  I have not yet experienced the effortless, joyful dance of a dancer,  the flow of an ice-skater.  I am still the one falling, bruised, battered, tired.   In the flesh.  I pay the price for focus, or over-focus. 

Insatiably drawn to “it”; blessed relief.

Lord, help me surrender all to You.  Keep the “it” a blessing, whatever they day’s “it” is.   

comments are intentionally off for this post.   (thank you so much for reading)

What to Say

Wow.  Revival tonight rocked.  I don’t know what to say. 

All I know is, I went in stuck with what kind of God could blow away Job’s family, just to get in Satan’s face…and I was stuck.  I could not finish reading Job.  Every day this week, every trip, every part of my day, I’ve said, “Alright Job, here we go”.  I’ve taken my Bible with me.  I’ve had three days scheduled to read the book and I just have not been able to make myself get through it.  A chapter here, a chapter there. 

My husband said to me, “Dear, you need to read the first two chapters of Job, and the last few…the middle is just a bunch of blaming and whining.”  And maybe the man was right…he has a point.  I’ve fot 3-4 days to read Psalms, and I’m going to be SO behind. 

But, Job held me captive. 

How does a God who loves you and is proud of you…just…throw that in Satan’s face, and say, “Have you considered my servant?  Blameless!”  And He doesn’t say it once, but twice.  TWICE!  He points his servant out to Satan.  Yeah, Satan is “roaming throughout the earth, seeking whom he may devour”, I’ve read that.  But, to think that God POINTS US OUT?

Is that insane?

Yes, it’s crazy–nuts, for those of you struggling with the answer to that question.   There is nothing comforting about it…AT ALL.

And I was shaken.

And, frankly, there have been a few times when I’ve tried to reason my way out of a problem or two, and I’ve had as many words and reasonings as Job.  I surely have!  I get the “many words”.

Why? 

I found myself asking, “Why God?” 

“How could you?”

And, I was severely stuck.  Stuck with the reading, yes, but also suddenly stuck with a God I did not understand, and…I didn’t trust.

Until tonight.

I knew the information presented, and frankly, if someone told me what he talked about and his style and what-not, I would have said, “Yeah, yeah…heard it, heard preachers like that before, that’s all great.  I got it.”

But, there aren’t words to describe the problem in my heart and how it got fixed.  Words can’t wrap today in a package.  Words can’t explain how the call I got yesterday with a drug ravaged family met with a skit and a suicide today and a room full of so many situations and hearts meeting at one dot in time for one meeting where there vision of God was altered just enough to go from stuck to “unstuck”.

I may try again later this week, but for now, I just want to soak in who God is…the newness I found in him tonight.  I want to bask in a God I can trust with all that I am, and with all I have, and with all I hear about–with all that seems WAY too big for me to understand.  I’m just overwhelmed.  Totally melted.  Mowed over.  Broken.

For someone who has no words to say about it, I’ve used 518 so far according to my counter.  But, I still can’t explain it.  If you weren’t there, you ought to get a tape, but that seriously won’t do it justice as so much of it was visual and in the moment.  I’ve never been to a better revival meeting that I can remember.  It DID actually REVIVE me to the core.  I just have to say “THANK YOU, LORD!”  What a load off. 

Not to mention the fact that my kids were totally riveted the whole time, Bibles open, laughing, answering questions, and dancing in the seats the whole praise service.  Man!  Our church rocks…and we’re a pretty traditional Southern Baptist Church!  What can I say?  We just know how to have fun and we can’t seem to help it.

90 Days

“I am not going to better myself because I read the Bible in 90 days. I am going to read the Bible in 90 days because I already have the spirit within me to read God’s word. You can argue about the validity of reading the Bible in 90 days – the 12 pages breaks the reading up too much or you don’t delve into the text enough. Valid arguments. However…

The fact remains: every day, I am spending at least 1/2 hour in God’s word. It’s like holding a baby for 30 minutes a day verses never allowing it to feel human touch. Or spending 30 minutes talking to your teenage son about the latest sports report verses never speaking about anything. It is taking 30 minutes to eat a meal verses starving yourself all day. It may not seem like much, but it may make all the difference.” 

 –”Sarah”  ( quote found at http://www.biblein90days.com/node/163)

Write “I Will Obey You” 100 Times

Prisilla Shirer commented on the blog today. 

And that is enough. 

She is a hoot. 

I know…you are thinking, if only she had konked me in the head.

I sure needed an anointed konk in the head today, friends. 

t occurred to me that I can’t do the simple tasks God has given me to do because I’d rather be “in the word”. 

Psalm 119 was my reading today.  Let’s just look at a few things here together:

8.  I will obey your decrees;

17.  I will obey your word.

34.  obey it with all my heart.

44.  I will obey your law.

56.  I obey your precepts.

67.  I obey your word.

88. I will obey the statutes of your mouth.

100.  I obey your precepts.

101.  that I might obey your word

129.  your statutes…I obey them.

167.  I obey your statutes.

168.  I obey your statutes and your precepts.

Note to self:  being a “woman of the word” is a 34 year old Mom obeying her Daddy’s voice, even when it says, “Vacuum and have a clean home for your family”.   Even when I don’t want to.  Obey:  DOING THE GOOD YOU KNOW TO DO.

Sometimes, I miss the forest for the trees…I seriously need a konk upside the head! 

(Just for the record, I ran into Priscilla, probably startling her.  She didn’t “konk” me.  No, it didn’t hurt one little bit!  It was an awkward honor.  Thanks for the sweet comment!  Blogging is so cool!) 

~Maggie

Get ‘Er Done

I”m feeling about 50% stronger every day from the virus I had last week.  My skin still feels that cool “viral” feel like I’m fighting something off.  My motivation is so low to get started and stay going.  I ache to see my house “Fall-Cleaned”, but it’s getting worse each day instead of better.  *Sigh*

I am trying to walk in Sabbath Rest every day right now and not go beyond the energy God has given me for the tasks and for the day.  Thankfully, I have that option more than those who work 8 hours or more a day.  Still, it’s an exercise.  God provides. 

I usually vaccum the school library for them after popcorn day, and I knew it would really push me today.  My student and I worked very hard on problems tough for her for over an hour straight today.  I said, “You need a mental break after all that [and she did!]…would you like to run the vaccum?”  She said, “Yeah!  Where is it?”  She loved the chance to do something physical to balance all the mental work.  As I saw she was doing it well and sticking to it with joy, I said, “Hard work for a such a big room, eh?”  She said, “Oh, I don’t mind, I vaccum our house at home all the time.”  I said, “For you, no homework the rest of this week.”  She said, “Wow!  Thanks!” 

Win-win.  Great idea, Lord!  Thank you very much.

Amazing how God does provide if we get creative and walk within what He provides us for the day, not spending more than we have, even in terms of “grace” or “energy”.   This week, my best “efficiency plan” has come in walking in Him…resting when I need it.  Napping when I need it.  Going slow.  Any other way, and I’m down before the next thing.

Like Saturday, we had little food in the house when we got into town…no “quick food”.  My husband found some ground beef stuck in the freezer and cooked spaghetti for me.  Wow! 

Sunday, we had a Sunday School social.  I took some Canned Baked Beans and some chips.  We had a “Fried Chicken” feast with all the southern trimming in return!

That night, a weinee roast and hey ride.  Monday…school, and Mom brought me soup we ate for two days.  Church dinner tonight.  A banquet Thursday night.  Friday night…Fall Festival and the best chili in the world.

God has granted me a whole week of little cooking!  Still the morning bisquits, eggs, and bacon for the big guys in my house, but nothing “major” to clean up at night, and no major cooking and grocery runs for that! Aaaah!  I just relish today in how God shows his love for me in little ways.  Even if he chose to teach me to serve in the midst of feeling bad, I have no doubt he would find another small way to show his great regard and love for me. 

Yet, even as he teaches me, or pushes me, he shows such tender care.  Such a great model for how I am to balance my care and teaching with my kids. Psalms 23 talks about Jesus comforting us with his “rod and his staff”.  Both guidance and correctional systems.  Isn’t it a comfort to know that even when Jesus leads as a gentle shepherd, he comforts us by his presence of correction?

The “corrections” I feel this week are:

1.  Before I left, God really  had me focusing on the value of a woman apart from her presentation.  To “check” myself in dress and present Christ in even the way I dressed.  I guess he was preparing me for what I’d find when I went to Disney.  I took a lot of t-shirts and Disney apparel to wear…family time, right?  Well, I really appreciate all the other women who saw fit to walk around with skimpy, skin tight tanks tops and mini skirts with their kids (sometimes no husband present) while I honored THEM by dressing appropriately for family outtings with mine.  Ouch. 

That plus having larangitis distanced me from my husband…and I’ve still felt “viral” after all his hard work and dedication providing for and planning the trip.  So…I’m in a post-vacation funk of sorts.  The Lord needs to work on my heart. I’m trying to stay thankful instead. 

I’d like to think that those women just needed Jesus, but anymore, that’s not the case.  We have mixed sensuality with femininity to the point where it’s seen to be “cute” to expose very sensual and erotic zone with no afterthought, as if we have no idea what that does to the male mind (or enjoying that “power” too much!).  It’s not fair to me!  Even if this woman’s husband was walking around with a her…HEe acted bored and dis-engaged, while the “sights” are all new to my kids, me, and mine! 

It’s not the time or place!  Mam, your husband is used to seeing you all the time.  My husband is NOT.  We could do without it.  Too much to ask? 

Not to ramble, but does anyone even know what “modesty” means? I have a very dedicated, loyal, admiring, and respectful man…but it still annoys me when people take advantage of our commitment to each other by tempting that commitment.  And…you know, I guess it should really annoy me and make me mad. 

I wish it were an easier battle and didn’t predominate so much of what could be great entertainment==we are so out of whack with the “sensual” thing.  It’s eating dynamite and never expecting it to explode.   

 Lord, help me in goals and frustrations and inadequacies to just delight, every day.  Delight myself in you, as the Psalms say.  To not get irritable and down, and frustrated, but walk in the joy and approval you lavish on us!  Thank you in advance! 

Maggie

What Is It?

I long for blogs where people talk about what is really going on in their spirit.  So many of the blogs I initially started reading have seemed to go off on tangents and never returned to the core of who they are.  With increasing popularity of a blog, and increasing visitors, people seem to get increasingly excited, and decreasingly vulnerable and “real”. 

And I’ve stopped reading, or even wanting to read them in place of “fresh” and less discovered blogs that spur my spirit to remember why I started, and what matters, and why.

So…how’s that for food for thought?  Hmmm.  Anyone want to elaborate on that, or how you maintain “the balance”?  How am I doing?  Will anyone tell me when I’ve given up substance for numbers?  Probably not.  Isn’t that sad?

Beth Moore’s Daniel study is just killing me today…in a needful way…on the idea of “integrity” being more than “fine moral standing”…or whatever trite or uni-dimensional way we define it.  It is constancy.  Being the same in one place that you are in another.  The same around one set of people that you are in another.  Faithfulness.  Unified front.  Genuine.  

She says that all things things do not happen unintentionally–as in–”Integrity” (with a capital “I”) does not just “happen to you” for lack of doing anything wrong.  As in Daniel’s day…he PURSUED it…and it cost him difficult choices in an environment not at all friendly to his habits, not understanding his choices, not worshipping His God. 

This really has me even further re-evaluate to what I give my mind access.  We say we have no time to read the Bible, we feel tired, un-engergetic, too “this or that” to be “discipled” or study the Bible.  And yet, we sit around on our hind tails and don’t get to know the God of the Universe, get out of shape (no wonder we feel tired), eat crud as an excuse for food (shame on me), and watch some abomination (in my humble view, and I take a great risk here) like Desperate Housewives–all in the name of innocent entertainment, refreshment, being “immersed in the culture” so we’ll know how to “minister”?  I’m not so sure sometimes.

We, I… have gotten so far away from a “Daniel mentality”.  No wonder we see so few mighty, strong, fit, intelligent, knowledgeable, well-informed Christians leading out our country.  Just as the Babylonians tried to do with Daniel and his three friends, “they” have distracted us with their “victories”…their illusions to power and wealth and fame….the indoctrinate us with their plays, ”literature”, and language. 

The Scripture says, “But God taught these four in all manner of wisdom and knowledge”. 

Yes, they’d been taken into captivity.  Yes, they’d lost their ideal, Israel.  Yes, they were being brainwashed.  Yes, they were told what to eat, view, and know.  And yet, God saw…what?  Their Resolve (with a capital R). 

Look at Daniel’s leadership, determination, commitment, and tact.  Every time he dealt with those in charge of him, He was so careful in what he said…to help them save face and make sure he was not putting them in harm’s way.  And he advanced for his selfless, dedicated devotion to His God–who he could have been blaming for every situation he was in.

Wow. Yeah, I’m all about my good buddy Daniel right now.  What a man!  Resolve..what an antiquated word in today’s world.  Who is “resolved” about anything except for selfish gain? 

I wish I could leave this with a great one liner, a quote, a scripture to seal the deal for you…some great question to stir conversation…but I think it’s best for me to leave it hanging…unfinished, dangling in the subconscious of the deep recesses of my own mind. 

I am thinking of an old English (I guess it’s English, maybe I’m wrong) hymn with the word “Resolved” at the core of it’s message.  Do you know it? (There you go…I thought of a question.  Yes!  My life is complete for the evening blog.  I can go on!)  

Preparing for Discipline?

It’s after midnight. Again, waiting on green beans to pressure.  To keep the kitchen from getting SO hot, I try to wait until late night or early morning to get all the heat cooking in the kitchen. 

Let’s see:  I made some GREAT lemon-zucchini bread today.  Whew.  I’m eating it right now.  I’ll have to give the recipe.  Picked a zucchini the size of a baseball bat today out there today!  Had to find SOMETHING to do with it!  Mmmm.  Big glass of summer tea…hot buttery bread.  Mmm. 

Today, feeling a pull toward some “discipline” reading again.  Some say you should stay “disciplined” all the time, or it is not discipline!  Good poitn.  But…I think there is a season needed for soaking and resting and vacation.  For me…there has been a discipline of rest needed in my life this summer.  I don’t know how that pins down scripturally.  Perhaps Elijah sleeping and the Lord waking him for the angels to feed him what he needed rather than him deliberately making finding “food” his priority? Trusting.  Resting.  Just letting God meet you where you are.  After he gets you up…then, you can be disciplined.  Otherwise, it’s just another exercise of “trying” in the flesh. 

Anyway, it’s getting close to time.  I feel a need for renewed balance.  I’ve had this book for a while–I like to keep some inspiration on hand for seasons when I need a jump start to change.  It’s awesome, challenging, inspiring, scriptural.  I read while I broke beans, multi-tasker that I am.  the book is Elizabeth George’s Life Management for Busy Women:  Living Out God’s Plan with Passion & Purpose  Need I say more?  Even the title is inspiring! 

I started in the middle on a section:  ”Taking Care of Your Physical Body”. :-) She asks if you really think it’s necessary and if you want to do it, but just aren’t?  I’m thinking, yeah it’s good for you…I just don’t WANT to and have other things I want to do!  But…it’s still a priority, right? 

God is telling me to take better care of my body for several reasons…I’m just ignoring him in lieu of more fun activites!  After all, it’s summer!  (Or nice refreshing Fall, or rejuvenating Spring, or cozy Winter, or I’m sick, tired, busy, have young kids…blah!) 

I think I’ve just lost the “fun” in it that I need to find again.  ”Lord help me take care of myself…motivate me…’cause I’m really doing a lousy job of it and can’t seem to get myself in gear!  HELP!“   That prayer usually provides a way.   

The rational in George’s book is that one area of increased discipline often catapults into other areas: increased order and energy and godliness and productivity.  Sounds promising, eh?   To be “disciplined” and still balanced, playing, having fun, resting…that’s the balance I want and need.  Not the competitive edge that usually takes over in my psyche.  Biking 100 miles a week just to see if I can –knee pain for years to prove it?  Yeah.    

I buy her theory!  We need all the energy we can find to get work done.  We NEED to be fit for His purposes, for longevity, and for health.  That time double duties as ”soul feast” time.  I miss that.  Review verses I really need for the day, listen to GREAT music…really listen…pray with a friend “conversational” prayer. 

But, I can’t do it with all my good reasoning or logic…or even hers…or anybody else’s for that matter.  I’ve worked around it for too long.  Other priorities are still priorities that take over my time.  But, summer vacation is almost over.  Time for the next “level”.  The balance of disciplines have to return and reign or I’ll be in a ditch somewhere with a flat tire and wonder how I got there.  Lack of balance in disciplines does that to us all every time.   

Lord, reign in me!  And not just the song as fast paced clapping rhythm, but a heartfelt prayer.   Round me out.  Ready me.   Over–ride faulty reasonings and priorities that keep me from obedience in taking care of myself, my home, my family, and others as I want to and should.  Motivate me.  Inspire me. Go with me, as you always do.  I’m getting ready to obey.  I’ll try. 

I love you, Lord. 

~me