New Year’s Day: Ode to Tickle-Fests–Finding “Balance” 2007 Review

Ground breaking news flash you can’t wait to read:  I get laundry burn-out about this time every year.  I know, that introductory sentence just makes you want to gobble this blog entry right up!  You RSS readers are clicking to the next post already!  Seriously, the holiday shopping and cooking is DONE, and I just want to roast chestnuts by the fire and live off of homemade bread, jam, cinnamon rolls. and coffee for the REST of the winter.   But, alas, there are New Years Resolutions to rescue us all. 

And, alas, I am a mother and wife.  So, tonight I will not let myself go to bed until the laundry room is tidy and ready for school tomorrow.  It’s just that kind of stellar commitment, people.  I may not be able to WALK through the laundry room, but it will all be clean and ready for school, nonetheless.  We don’t want to overdo, people. 

In my ”back to school nesting”, I just cleaned out my fridge, as Misty recommends, with baking soda.  Yes, it works great!  Man, it looks good in there.  Not to overdo in one night, I’ll say it again, but my freezer may get it next.  I just have the worst trouble throwing stuff in the freezer away!  I do have the organizational skills and know-how, it’s just a matter of priority and dedication I’m lacking.  

In any case, of greater priority: I worked on a Rubix Cube tonight while we watched a family movie, Mr. Beanie.  I’ll save that review of that unusual movie for another time.  My Hub suggested The Cube must be a “life goal” for me.  I don’t know…it’s just sitting there, and it’s either that or the laundry.  I got all the sides except for corners on one remaining side tonight…Man!  Then I somehow messed it up because the “weigh in” new couples show started using words we don’t approve of in our home and it distracted me.  Darn TV.  Messin’ with my goals.     The Hub said I should have showed him ’cause he wouldn’t believe that until he saw it!  The nerve.  I’ll try again.  Boy Wonder is BEGGING me to keep trying.  He’s either a good cheerleader, or very conniving, I can’t decide which. 

I was reading a blog tonight where “savor” was her word last year.  That’s when it hit me.  That’s what God has been teaching me lately:  SAVOR:  the word is similar to Thanksgiving, but with some Rachel Raye added to it.  Not quite the “BAM!” of Emeril, but Savor…to enjoy, relish, partake in the goodness.  Not just observing, but tasting it, taking the time to taste.  (My definition.)

“Savor” is very near to worship, I think.  To learn to “savor” in any circumstances, bringing whatever you have, fully “engaged”, meaning:  to take part, enter in, “be there”.  Not just observing, more than cheering, giving fully wherever you are, whatever you bring to the table, whatever the circumstances.  Plugging it all in, working the puzzle, longing to see what is there for you to see, longing to know what there is to know.  Yet, trusting him when you don’t understand a THING yet.  Drawing near…in trust.  It’s celebrating who He is…not just what He does.  It’s faith enough to get back to the smile.  I can smile!  He’s in control.

After reading Big Mama’s excellent New Year’s Day post, it seemed necessary to say something significant between The Rubix Cube and The Folding of the White Clothes. 

“B a l a n c e” was my key word early last year…which led me to ”savor-ing”, now that I think of it.  Savoring balances intensity.  I needed a second word to acheive my first.  That makes me smile.  My prayer was, “Lord, teach me whatever balance means for me, for us.  I haven’t got a clue.”  And, he taught me “savor”. 

People over the age of 50 seem to have had a better time finding balance of these two:  intensity and savoring.   Advice on my learning curve came with strange ideas like: “Intensity needs the balance of abandon.”  ”Learn to PLAY.” 

My internal answer:  “But, my work IS my play!  What do you MEAN!?” 

The reply: ”Go have a tickle fight and tell me how that goes.” 

My thoughts: “WHAT?” 

But, I said, “Oh, we have fun, all the time, sure!  No problem!” {ahem}.

It only takes me a year or two to start to get it at all.  (I’m not the fastest car on the lot, AND…I’m still pretty intense sometimes.) 

But…I’ve learned how to have one heck of a tickle-fest now and then somewhere in there! 

To more tickle-fests!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Comments:  on

Frosty the Snowman– by the fireplace!

It’s not often a red-headed little boy cuddles in Mom’s lap to read to her!  I was lovin’ it.  

Sweet transformation little voices take when they are reading.  I’ll bet Mommy and Daddy voices do the same: probably why little ones love to be read to so much, too!

Blogging Took Up All My Words…Apparently

Well, if you think the last couple day’s post have been a change of wind, they have!

I found that I was using so many of my “words” online that I really didn’t have much to say by the time The Hub got home.  My laughs were used up, and my words were gone, and he’s been so busy this fall, it didn’t matter.  It was helpful.  Now…it matters.  It’s nice to be missed, however, I have some restructuring to attend to.

Having comments turned off has made me appreciate the conversation of my family more.  I have a broad circle of friends here!  It’s great to know you can sustain me in tough seasons, and this summer and fall were hard in a number of ways.  We continue to face challenges even now. 

Tonight, I even watched a movie mid-week with The Fam:  The Santa Claus.  I laughed my head off.  Nope, I’d never seen it before.

We started some Christmas giving tonight…my daughter bought us all presents today at the school store with her character counts money!!!  She came home steathily, wrapped them like a pro, and delivered them tonight, not able to wait!  It was so sweet.  Now, that is holiday spirit…spontaneity and love and sacrifice.  What a sweetie!  I got a Mozart tape.  I will enjoy it.  She asked if I would share it with her.    That’s my girl.  The others got Christmas ornaments, very nice ones, outdated from card store editions.  We LOVED them. 

I bought some a Christmas card stamping kit today at Rite Aid.  The delightful little fun stamps turned out to be a bout 25 cents a piece, so I just couldn’t resist the urge to make a few cards, though I generally like store bought.  We got a card making kit last year, and Golilocks and I made a few during a snow day last winter.  Thought I’d see if I could churn a few more out.  It was fun…a change of pace.   They have 2-3 more if you want to look…the stamps were nice.  $10 for the kit.  I usually don’t like wood block kits, but as they are all Christmas and fit in one tidy box, I can store them away after the season with ease. 

I ordered a few gifts online today.  Lovin’ the online gifting. 

I am staying caught up…read through Ezekiel 25 today.  Man.  Weirdness there.  I don’t guess I’ve ever read all these prophets, much less straight through.  It’s having a bit impact on me.  Mainly, in terms of my sense of what is important to God:  the poor, the needy, the orphan, the widow, and keeping him first at heart.  Those issues are repeated by the prophets like a parents talking to a teenager:  over, and over, and over, and over.  I realize that I have not kept the things most important to the heart of God close enough to my heart.

Also emphasized is the discipline of God.  He said in the last chapter I read, “I had covered your sins, but your rebellion made me remember them all”.  Isn’t that how it works with most of us?  Character breeds trust–lack of character destroys it.

Also, the huge enemy of our souls:  pride.  Pride in beauty.  Pride in wealth.  Comfort.  Plenty.  Coveting other nations, other ways, other loves.  Not caring for our children enough, and their spiritual heritage.  Oh Lord…we have much work to do. 

Well, that’s all for today.

Thanks for your blog-ship!  (Comments are dis-abled intentionally for this post.    Blessings!!!)

Balance and Artistry

To be “artsy”, an “artist” of any kind can be a precarious thing.  It can bring irrational focus and vision for something trite or trivial, at times.  A need to “create”, get “it” out, fine tune.  It can provoke time- consuming, unjustified, attention and focus. 

The results?  Beautiful or noteworthy to some, perhaps.  To others, inconsequential.  

The “consolation” of “the creation” takes a lot out of a person.   Therefore, the “it” can be a mixed blessing, like most things. 

The same for all “gifts” or “talents”.  A fine line between grace and flesh. 

I’m not yet good at that balance sometimes.  I have not yet experienced the effortless, joyful dance of a dancer,  the flow of an ice-skater.  I am still the one falling, bruised, battered, tired.   In the flesh.  I pay the price for focus, or over-focus. 

Insatiably drawn to “it”; blessed relief.

Lord, help me surrender all to You.  Keep the “it” a blessing, whatever they day’s “it” is.   

comments are intentionally off for this post.   (thank you so much for reading)

Friday–Fall Break

Larry Pop is on his way to Iraq, in an overnight lay-over 13 hours into the trip.  Tomrrow, he’ll resume travel.  We continue to pray and support Mom this week as much as we can without smothering her.  But, she’s taking care of herself, as usual.  What an independant woman!   Women like her must have been Moses’s wife, or other such leaders.  She rolls with the punches and keeps on punching. 

We are so thankful for family and friends who have made extra efforts to be near.  It is an emotional roller coaster and adjustment for all of us on many levels.

My family took two days rest on our fall break to rejuvenate a bit, hiking, climbing, and watching a movie together.  We played checkers and board games tonight and watched some basketball together.  I got my hair done this afternoon while the family caught up with Daisy Dog.  She nearly chewed her dog rope to smither-ines while we were gone, worrying and burning off all that energy she keeps an abundance of.   I came home to clean bar and table and house…and now, it’s already trashed back to clutter-ville after a few short hours and only snacking!  Not even a meal yet!

I got caught up on my reading last night, but re-read tonight because I didn’t have a pencil.  I’m glad I did.  I missed a lot without my hand busy.  I think my hand has an imprint button to my brain.  

Lots to get caught up on tonight and tomorrow to get the fam ready for cool fall weather next week.  Jeans to hem, leaves to rake, clothes to fold, back-packs to go through, food to buy. 

Boy!  Did I enjoy time away!  God filled my soul, and showed me where I need to grow next, all at the same time…I love those times with him.   

Bliss

Your comments and emails the last few days have just totally cracked me up.  You guys are the bling of life.  You add life everywhere you go.  I want to be like you.

You know, I sit down to blog these days and feel the most surreal sense of peace and quiet!  As in,  I have nothing spinning inside trying to get out.  Nothing to say.  Nothing to write about.  Nothing to contemplate.  Nothing to complain about.  No goals that can’t wait until tomorrow. 

It’s wonderful.

It’s almost, well, discombobulating.

And you know what?  This morning, I realized…I am here!  I have arrived. 

THIS is rest.

Quiet.

Peace.

Oh my!  How I’ve been seeking you all summer!  I finally caught up.   

It’s a wonderful season of rejuvennation, provision, and soaking. 

I keep trying to think of someone I can share it with, but that would require some complicated thinking.  So, if you want to come grab some…well, come on over.  Just don’t make me plan.  I refuse.  Go with the flow…enjoy the moment, and keep drinking deep.  That’s what we are all about over here.

My friend Sarah was here the other day, the Mrs. of Jeff Jenkins Blog, visiting from out of town (Texas)…we’re kinfolk, down the line, by marriage, somehow.   We’ve done Beth Moore together.  I think she endured me leading a group some years ago.  She was always coming to my house bringing me delicious bread or cookies.  I had three kids, she had none.  Well, now she’s caught up.  She sends me emails like, “How in the world does a person get a bath?”  You know, that sort of thing.  I love it.

Anyway, while we were swinging kids this way and that, she was cell-phoning, planning events, friends for every day of their short visit in.  I was admiring.  Shoot.  I could barely keep up with the road signs.  She did that for me, too.   Thank goodness.  But, I figured out the difference, I think,  (denying any absent-mindedness as a whole on my part).  She has a month LEFT before school starts, whereas, I only have one week.   Surely in a month, she’ll be zoned out, too.

Nothing is able to jerk me out of this forceful deep drinking.  One short week.  Oh, I’ve tried:  goals/fall cleaning/other things…they’ll come.  But, when push comes to shove…I need all the summer I can shove into this one.  small. week.  We keep finding enough to eat between garden veggies and quick meals or left-overs.  There is enough clean underwear for today.  No, my closets aren’t the admiration of everyone on the west US…but, do they have to be?  I hope not. 

Let me just save you some trouble.  If you come to my house and you look through my clothes, you’ll see piles on the floor.  It’s easier for me to remember what I’ve worn and what I haven’t that way.  Some of it gets very wrinkled, and I hate that…so I remember, and hang it, if I can find a hanger. 

Under my sinks, there is normal under the sink stuff.  It was organized at one time.  On a good day, it will be.  On a normal day, it’s all falling over.  And that’s okay, because that is what cabinet doors are for.

My kids rooms?  The beds are not normally made.  At some point, I’ll force the issue, but for now, I just don’t go upstairs.  They change their clothes in the laundry room, where all their clothes they wear on a daily basis are stored.  Most of them fall out of the closet only the floor when they pull them out.  But, I still just have one room to clean at the end of the day.  And even that room isn’t cleaned every day…just when I decide to throw a fit about the clothes in the floor.  I don’t have energy to throw a fit every day, so it doesn’t get cleaned every day.  As long as they are finding clothes to wear, I really don’t stress over it.  That room has a door.  I try to keep it shut.  But, if you come to my house, you may pass by that door, and you will probably see the clothes volcano streaming it’s lava everywhere, and you will think, “that looks dangerous”…and you would be correct.  Don’t go in there unless your life insurance has been paid.

But, I pretty much know where things are, in what stack, and I take comfort in that I have a few pictures of a time when it was clean and orderly.  It can be done.  It’s just not worth my time every day.  I seem to find more entertaining and fruitful things to do.  I am hoping by the time my kids get a bit older, I’ll have that under control, and they’ll think I’ve always done it that way in memory.  “My mom always kept our clothes  hung up and orderly”.  My sons will probably make their wives feel guilty over it. 

My son tells me his mom NEVER had laundry in the floor.  She may have.  I just choose not to believe it.  I’ve seen her laundry room, and it doesn’t look that much more organized than mine.  She does do a lot of laundry…I am in awe…always have been.  I just choose to not develop a guilt complex due to laundry on the floor.  I have better things to have a guilt complex about if I so choose to have a guilt complex.  It’s just not a worthy issue.

If you keep a tidy laundry room…I am in awe.  Truly.  When you come to my house, perhaps you can motivate me. 

Well, I guess that’s all.  Nothing hidden now.  I do enjoy reading blogs of those who have “Works for Me” Wednesdays and garage sales from their basements in swaps for summer.  I’ll be like that someday when Jesus gets done working on me.  And I go through my phases where I am all about the organization.  Just don’t expect to be intimidated when you come visit.  And should you decide to peek in a closet…feel free, just open the door VERY slowly, and wear a safety helmet, please.  You have been forewarned. 

If the closet is clean, relish the moment.  You may not ever see it that way again.

Now, back to my blissful thinking and novel reading.  (I’ve not read ONE novel in like FIVE MONTHS!  I really cannot end summer this way).

Off to the pool-side to read for my first time this summer!  (Come join me if you are in my kind of mood.  I’m game–we’ll be eating crackers and peanut butter or something).

Ode to Summer-ness

It’s June and I’m just entering summer…what it needs to be, for me.

What it is not, for many people.

Some keep working, keep going, dip a few times in the pool, and they’ve had summer.

I need to sit on the beach, in the sun, in my chair, think some reflective and deep thoughts, read some profound ones, think my thoughts from a bit of a different slant, not think at all, get too hot, get my feet in the water, get too hot again, get my legs in the water, get very hot and wish my head was wet, but not really want to get my hair all wet for fear I will look gross, it will smell like water, and I will need a shower, which would have cooled me off cleanly, inside, much more effeciently, but eventually decide that the water is warm enough and I am desperate enough to dive in, and not really care about my hair anymore, before or after.

Yesterday, my daughter had a little friend over, and I was supervising them VERY closely on the pool slide (not stitches on Red last Sunday).  I got REALLY sleepy before the slide was inflated, had napped some, off and on, laid out, without sunscreen, not because I don’t fear cancer very much, but just because I was too tired and feeling too risky to apply it with my usual diligence.  And it was HOT.

But, I needed to be near Red, so I rested outside in the sun rather than in the cool, artificial air conditioning of the inside.

And after four trial “dips” cooling various bodily regions of marginal effectiveness, I decided that the water was warm enough that I needed to dive in and get cool…and if it was too cold, I’d just hop back out until it was too hot and I’d be okay.

I dove in, three times, yesterday.  And to find that the water was not shockingly cold anymore, and that it was refreshing, and that I could get too hot and too cold and be okay and refreshed was…somehow refreshing.

I napped probably four times off and on yesterday…Father’s Day turned out to be busy and filled with plans for everyone…without me…thankfully.  And I rested.  I slept, and slept and slept.  Thought a bit about rest and only got confused and napped some more.

Went to sleep at 10 with my lonely girl and slept on a mattress, on the floor, my head hanging off it at an unusual angle with blood falling to my head, and just kept sleeping everytime this became an rather odd acknowledgement.

And I slept until 8:30.  I got up, unusually, before everyone else…a new child in the mix now…all still sleeping, praise God. 

It was raining, unforecast.  I pulled the kids bikes into the garage, in my PJs and I got wet, only I didn’t want to be early morning wet.  But, I grabbed my super soft fluffy red robe from winter, and sat on the porch in the summer rain with a cup of OJ, a casual read book, and I read.  And I napped again.

Red got up and tried to talk to me while I was reading and I really didn’t hear much of what he was rambling in that early morning, nonsensical, kid ramble about odd things that happens in the AM.  Eventually, he came up to me and said, “Blah, Boo, Ha, Gug”, and I knew he needed something.  He looked at me.  He needed me now, now that his nonsense made more sense to me than anything he tried to describe in his deep morning thoughts all morning.  I moved my book as he snuggled in close on the short little wicker love seat.  It screaked and popped, but we were comfie.

No sooner had I thought, “This is bliss”, than he held out his arms straight out, toward the rain, spreading them wider and wider.   Then, he curdled, and his little albino back popped. 

He commentated the obvious to me, “I was just stretching”, in sort of a sleepy voice.  He laid there two more seconds, and got up.  I said, “Where are you going?”  He said, “I forgot to pee this morning.” 

Something about a verbose morning, and a hug, and a stretch, and a back pop, helped him remember what he really needed to do.

I can identify.  

I’ve needed a lot of things to “get my stretch out”, and my back pop, and my rest this week.  I’ve gone from thinking I had a lot to say to feeling like I had nothing but the “blah, ugh. eck. la, bleck” left.  And I’ve had what I’ve entered into summer rest where there are just a couple days where there was a “pause, selah”, and no new huge weights to carry.

And it feels good. 

My hair is messy, my kids friends note it. 

They say, “Your hair… is messt!”  And…I am proud of this state.

Time to shed the fuzzy red robe and the wild hair and get cleaned up to make the pancakes. 

Thank you, Lord…for a raining, wet morning when I didn’t want to get wet, but needed to.  And for the oasis of a really slow and precious morning.

Maggie

Monday…Ya-Hoo!

Man!  No wonder I’ve been feeling run down and tired.  I didn’t realize how full weekends had gotten  until school was out and a couple big obligations were wrapped up.   I feel like I RESTED this weekend.  Truly.  A break, and not having to get going again this Monday AM.  SCHOOL IS OUT!  Ya-hoo!  The last kindergarten graduation of my three tomorrow night!  Wow.  Pressing the gown today.

Let’s see, Friday night late, we cooked a “made for two” Mexican feast after strawberry picking.   Watched a movie (I fell asleep and missed the end).  We slept in Saturday morning, first time in a while.

Saturday, I napped, rested, sat with the kids, watched tons of Jimmy Neutron and Kim Possible, had a huge allergy headache several hours I nursed away.  In the meantime, hubby got my porch spruced up, fixing the screen doors and spot painting. That night, we ate pizza (hand tossed, Pizza Hut…very good!) 

Today and tomorrow AM, my adorable nephew is here from Mississippi.  The boys playing are SO entertaining.  We aren’t used to a little one around.  They are so sweet with him! 

Hopefully, I can get some strawberry freezer jam rolling (my first) and run out of town PM to pick up some materials for staging our worship set for the Summer.  We’ll get that put up tomorrow to test, God willing. 

Back to work!  But, I feel great!  Times of personal sabbatical God provides are The BEST! 

(No, my laundry room is still no spic and span, but I’m on it…and my mom tells me to “Please, just trust me, and forget about it!”  I think I just might take her advice!)

Empasse-ing

Warning:  this is a long and personal post “where I am and need to be”…if you aren’t in the mood, just skip it for now, or come back later, or move on.  Either way, have a great day, and know I am so thankful you stopped by to see what’s up! 

——————— 

So…I have come to an empasse.  Is that how you spell “empasse”?  I don’t know.  I’ve haven’t come across one in a while.  And, the last time I did, I don’t think I noted the spelling.  I was too busy “emapass-ing”, I suppose.

I’ve been rather under the weather for the last week, naseated one hour, exhausted the next, allergy symptoms the next…raw throat all the time.  Little Red feels about the same.  So, we aren’t getting along all that well except when we curl up to nap together.  It’s no fault of either of us, it’s just that we both feel pretty rotten altogether.  I actually come home to nap before my next meeting to make it.  It’s a sad and sorry state which sounds made for old people.  Though I am getting older, I’m not an old person.  Not that there is anything wrong with old people.  I like old people, especially those who look like they’ve got the joke on you…they just smile a lot as if something incredibly entertaining just happened, though it usually didn’t.  Perhaps it is all the “empass-ing” they’ve done?  They just learn to “get over”, “get through”, “get by”, or “get around” just about any and everything there is to “empasse”. 

This time of year I usually make new goals.  But, the last few seasons I’ve made new goals and I’ve not cared if I attained them or not.  Part of this is good, for my goals are just redirected to other healthy things.  But, I suppose I’m just ready for a bit more ‘balance in the basics’.   I’m sure this is normal.  But, especially when a person is mulling these things AND feeling like crud warmed over a few too many days, the two together are quite motivating, for there is the illusion that if I live healthier, I will feel healthier.  Works for me every time.  And, I do believe this is part of God’s reason for the common cold and other annoying viruses.  I have no Biblical proof of this, of course, just a personal observation.

Most of my lack of discipline, I find myself just not caring about.  I’m not sure if this has been a bad thing, or a good thing as of yet.  I have had a peace about stepping back, but it just disturbs me that I’m not doing some things I know I “should be” doing according to all the good books.  I suppose an evaluation of the fruit is in order, and frankly…well, in doing so today, it’s not great.  I do have grapes in the crisper drawer in their little webby plastic and see through bag, and it looks like we’re ready to eat healthy, but upon a grasp of the grape, it is readily evident that they are past peak, a bit soft, a bit tart, and not worth the eating.   Little Red, the fruit lover, wouldn’t even put one in his mouth yesterday…he just knew from the “little squishy” evaluation of a 5 year old that something was amiss.  ”Mom!  These are just…well…they are all sort of soft, and not good!” 

I get it.  Thinking about it in a deep sort of sense generally not good for mental health, I’d say in a raw moment of hoest, that’s a bit how I feel in just about every area.  Though there is no mold yet, I think we are close.  I’m surviving, I am the grape, I’m just “a little past prime” and not quite worth the risk of embracing.   

I want the kind of fruit that is worth embracing. 

So, my prayer needs to be, “Lord, get me out of my apathy”. 

I wonder how I got here, really, for I am a passionate person in everything I do.  I attack things head on and don’t care if everything doesn’t look “together” in the process…I’m not about intimidating people.  Some balls have to fall to get other things done…and the Lord has blessed me with great “back-up”, or there is just no way my life would work as it does.  It’s not me.  

Lately, a lot of fatigue probably boils down to some hard to bear prayer burdens, some risky situations, disappointing events, overbearing household repetitive routines, heavy volunteerism, and flat-out need for summer refreshing.

I find myself in need of a total revamp for the refreshing to “stick”.   You know that verse in Isaiah somewhere that talks about a cistern not being able to hold water because it is cracked?  I need to drain the whole thing down, like a pool, seal the crack, and fill the thing back up, just like a swimming pool with a leaky liner.  Man!  I don’t want to!  It’s too much work, and it’s not warm enough really to swim anyway!  But, something tells me that for me to by ready and warm enough for use when it’s time, the time is now.  I have to start now.  The work is going to be…not fun.  But, it will be rewarding.

Oh, God keeps filling me up, and we’re never running on dry…I have enough for the base-line tasks, always grace for the moment…but there is just none left over.  And I’m tired of running on that.  I want to see more passion in the basics in myself this summer– I want to see my laundry room well tended, my project room well-loved, not strewn and piled. I’m getting ready to say “no” to any distractions to that goal this summer, just in case.  Right now, I’m nearly too tired to even tackle those jobs, but the sickness sometimes brings the desire to surface, which drives the doing when the energy comes.   

I usually don’t post blogs this long anymore  for respect of readers wanting to read many blogs, and deserving much more for their time, but, I just needed a moment to refocus and articulate the bit and peices of thought from my day…to put them in one cohesive unit and stop the madness of them bumping one another in my head, at times beginning to attack and accuse me rather than leading me to goals and new direction, as they should.  Even more fatigue than I already feel with that spin cycle!  So… 

Lord, make me.  Put your joy of basic living and basic calling and fundatmentals back into the energy of my fingertips.  Make me smile every day.  I will practice.  Cause me to dealight in ”restoring dignity” to my primaries.  Root me, and firmly establish me and the work of my hands.  Give me grace for the children–they will, I already see and know, take me two steps forward and two steps back every single day this summer.  I cleaned the laundry room Wednesday and went in there a minute ago and nearly had a coronary with the mess.  Such disregard and carelessness.  Help me teach them and still give them the fun and break they need.  Give me strength and joy, and somehow, pass it on.  Somehow! 

Finally, give these readers grace for this rambling, and freedom to scan and pass by when posts are too long or deep, or personal for their mood.  Today was a “me” post.  Thank you for their community and “hellos” each day to bless me, even when the post isn’t for them.  How blessed I am!

In Jesus’s Name. 

The Real Me That You Know Already, Asking

The Gift of My Today

God just deserves a big round of applause from me today…as if He didn’t already before.

I had the most jumbled up, over-booked, incomprehensible number of disjointed items on my planning agenda today…I couldn’t even make plans for all the planning that needed to be done.  

But, I said, “Lord, please just work this out…you know I need to be in two places at once.  Help me.” 

Did he ever.  At just the right time, walking into one short meeting, another meeting cancelled, allowing the first to go LONG, as it needed to.

Wow. 

Days like today, I’ve just learned to not try to manage…He took my priorities today, and just ironed them out for me.  I’m so thankful.  I just “love it when a good plan comes together”!  What could have been a very stressful transition for our family is going to prove to be much easier and joyful, because today was such a huge miracle.  Thank you, Lord!  Somebody was praying for me.  Thank you, too.  No kidding.  I can’t tell you how big it was for us.  (Later on the details…it’s late and I need my chocolate).

It actually felt restful.  I came home by 5, put on some PJs, worked on some projects, took a good little nap on a cool, post-rain porch, on my favorite chair, under my favorite blanket!

Peace.  Order.  Joy.   

What a gift today was!  Thank you, Lord…big standing ovation from me tonight…BIG!

Mulling Me

You know what I love about reading other people’s blogs? About the time I think I have nothing to write about and nothing to say and I’m the least interesting person on the earth, someone writes something, and it’s not even that the “thing” hits me directly, but their passion, and open-ness, and truth just taps that untapped part of me that itches…not the kind of itch that you know right where it is and can scratch it…no, the overall sort of fuzzy itching that just lays latent, begging for that kind of dog-ear scratching a dog needs and basks in, even if he wasn’t really itching at the time.  

What reading today brought out of me in my little “sit down spell” (after cleaning the porch and seeing a zillion things around here I’m behind on) was that I’m feeling a fuzzy-itchy, almost disappointed, but too-blessed-to-be-disappointed “thing”.

Why? I don’t yet know. I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing, all the time. I’m utterly passionate about ALL of it, and there is no better way to work than to do things because you absolutely love them from the depths of your heart!  THAT is BLESSED!  And… there is nothing greater than being able to limit yourself to try to keep priorities in line with family!  AND…I have no real desire or need at this time “to work”, thank God.  (I can’t say that I do the “home” thing well either, my mind just runs all the time, looking for energy outlets, but I love the position, and I think they are keeping me for a while).

But, just for the thinking, I was driving home today from teaching and I thought to myself:

Self, did you realize that this year, you’ve driven 60 miles a day, volunteered at least 20 hours a week (not including blogging and peripheral ministry to friends and such, not including mothering and wife-ing, which are , in essence, volunteer time.)  You have a double major, graduated with a 4.0, were the first in your college class, you are 33, and you still do not make a dime.  And, that’s okay, but is that they way you always want to live?

I have just been thrilled to be past “toddler years” with my young ones and have some time of my own to give this year, so the 20 hours felt GREAT!  They rounded me out.   But, on the other hand, it’s costing me to work.  Repeat, I drive 60 miles a day.  And, that’s okay, because I chose it, and it chose me…and that’s what I wanted: availability, not required service.  I can pull back at any time and be home with sick kids or available for hubby errands.  I need that connection to my family (as sketchy as I am at say, keeping the laundry room organized.)

But, the year is almost over, and I guess it’s the season of the year for dreaming about next year’s possibilities/goals/wonder where God is leading, guiding, pointing?  This year has all been very fulfilling. It’s kept my brain growing and active–I have no doubt God will use the investment, as He’s already done, and I love to keep giving.  This year, I’ve taught business math, algebra I, algebra II, Sunday School, have been in praise band, and have been engaged around the world with ministry opportunities.

It’s truly been the most awesome year of my life!   I think God has been somewhat weaning ME out of the toddler years and back into what it is to be “me”:  shaping me, awakening my heart to new strengths and gifts and talents I didn’t know I had.

It’s been said that you can’t “outgive” God. I suppose that has some truth to it.

But, I find myself forgetting other pleasures:  working out, eating well, staying “fit” inside and out, and even making money of my own.   I need a new “balance”.  I miss some things.  Some of my growth curves have required  “all of me”.  I’m reading to settle down for a while and not take on any more “big things” that require “all of me”.  My husband wanted to plant a garden this year so badly.  I said, “Oh, honey, I’m so glad you are doing that!”  He thought that meant I wanted to week and hoe.  No, I said, “I’m so glad YOU are doing that!”  Failure to communicate.   

I wonder, Lord. What’s next? How much? And is the fruit worth the investment?  Though money/earning power should not be the measure of a man, or woman (and, it’s not for me, I  am blessed) there comes a time when I see the Proverbs 31 women, buying her fields and vineyards, and I think…is it my time for that…and how? 

Yup, my last little one leaves for all day school next year.  It just raises some fuzzy feelings about self value:  those itchy- -can’t-quite-scratch-the-itch, unsettling questions for me.  Creates some churning.

So, there it is.

For now, my laundry room beckons me  “come”.  

At this moment, it seems much easier to try to get a handle on my life in five years than to deal with more laundry!!!   

~Maggie

Beth Moore’s Columbia Commission (An Artistic Interpretation)

(Click Each Post Title to View Artwork)

Below is a piece of worship art I created which was featured on Living Proof Ministries Blog delivered by Beth Moore in her Commission at the end of the Columbia LPM Conference.   I appreciated the opportunity to get my hands on the words for a while, as they pulled me out of a tough day.  I appreciate permission to post it as a remembrance of the life changing words, and the opportunity to have it featured on Beth and Amanda’s Blog…they made my week.

“Divine special effects”…those three words have changed my whole life and view of grace and mercy!

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This work was created with Free Internet Tools:  fonts Japanese Fol Brushes/ Lam Sets.

Thanks for all the great feedback, comments, and emails.   All Beth’s students are so much fun!

Due to copyrights, “Beth Moore’s Columbia Commission:  An Artistic Interpretation” is not available for print.

If you post to blogs, please link back to this post so that credits to stay attached using this link:  (Beth Moore’s Columbia Commissioning:  An Artistic Interpretation) or the following HTML code in a widget box if you prefer it in sidebar size:

<a href=”http://5purposedriven.wordpress.com/2007/04/18/beth-moores-columbia-commissioning-an-artistic-interpretation/” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa146/Magnanimity/ColumbiaCommissionProof.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Beth Moore’s Columbia Commission:  An Aristic Interpretation”></a>

Blessings to you and yours!

Thanks for dropping by!

~Maggie

Winter–Stay a While Longer!

Red’s fever rose to 103.6 today.  Finally got it down.  Whew.  I saved a Motrin dose for bedtime, so surely that will get us a peaceful night. 

On the upside…I made my first paper tonight!  Poor seque, I realize.   

Fun to start from scratch and build.  Now, I’m seeing the Photoshop advantage.  Wow.

(I played after I got tired of watching the conjoined twins on The Learning Channel with my two boys, both feverish…can you imagine learning to drive with two heads?!)  Started checking out the “PS brushes” did that came in my free digital download kits.   Oh yeah, I’m likin’ the brushes! 

As I saw this paper taking shape, I remembered this pic I took last winter.  The barn stands across the road from our house. 

Here was my train of thought:  MY FIRST EASTER JONQUIL BLOOMED TODAY AND STILL NO SNOW!!!!!!  Yup.  A jonquil.  Go figure!  It’s not been THAT warm!  Right outside my garage.  It mocks me every time I pull in…No Snow, No snow, ha, ha, ha, ha!  In a little sing song tune.  Not that I’m bitter, nope, not bitter.

This layout took about an hour, almost as fun as sledding (though I’m still holding out!–   They say maybe Sunday!  We’ll all be over colds by then, I’m sure.) 

(Credit to this freebie-producing folk– 

Free Snow and Sparkle and Grunge Brushes : 

www.photoshopbrushes.com/www.sheishido.biz )

Check ‘em out.

The Catch-All Post (Or..Like a Baby I Will Be)

Okay, so that last post was pathetic.  I was mad when I wrote it trying to calm down.  I should have had a quiet time, but the pecking of the keys seemed to calm me down.  I did edit it to be a bit less pathetic.  On a scale of 1-10, I went from an 18 to a 10, so there you go. 

Come on in…stay a while!  All about the holiday joy with me today.

The cheese in the deli presliced is just better than the packaged American.  It just is.  I don’t know why I can’t get my children to see this.  I think the sharper Cheddar taste gets them.  They just haven’t “developed the taste buds for it yet” as we say around here, scientific family of learning and higher reasoning, we are.

Well, so I finally got around to cleaning up my blog list.  If you’ve commented on my blog with any level of faithfulness and interest, you are listed for now.  That’s my thing.  All about community.  I really don’t care about your stats or you comment community or how good a writer you are…though I hope you are growing in the process.  I like the community, accountability, and encouragement.  Don’t comment here, I may subscribe in bloglines to keep up a bit, but big blogs don’t wow me.  I want the common ground at the moment.  Welcome to my life.

Let’s see:  Two Notable Blog Posts that Calmed Me or Made Me Laugh Yesterday:

 Sit in the Dark and Open Your Present Early I want to do this.

If It Happens Before 6 A.M., It Can’t Be Any Good Yeah, here is a girl who understands me is what I’m thinkin’.

My Grounding Verse for the Season:

Psalm 131:1

Psalm 131:1 NIV

“I do not concern myself with great matters
       or things too wonderful for me.” NIV

 2 I’ve kept my feet on the ground,
      I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.
   Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,
      my soul is a baby content. (MSG)

Sometimes I try to figure out and fix things that I don’t need to be fixing.  Sometimes things are “too wonderful” for me.  Instead of getting myself all in a big way?  I will keep my feet grounded on my own tasks, my purpose, I will steadily cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit (especially on days like today), I will rest in the Lord’s arms like a baby…fully dependant and trusting.  I am not left wanting.  I have no need to be worried.  I may cry.  I may be irritable, but I AM TOTALLY taken care of. 

Like a baby I will coo, resting safe and sound in You.

morning change of plans

today i woke, prayed, got dressed, fixed breakfast, got the kids ready for school, and got ready for work. 

upon arriving, the lord told me not to go inside, but to come home and get things in my home prepared for cold weather and deal with a counseling situation.

so, here i am.

Lord, keep me focused.  Tell me what you sent me home for, and don’t let me waste my time.  

Prove yourself and your presence in my life again, as you always do.  Prepare my mother for her Dr.’s apmt. today and let her get the answers she needs for her pain.  Soothe her heart.  Make her willing to follow you through the valley with the strength she always finds…it’s been a hard year for them, Lord.

Make a way for my friend’s fiance to fly out of Malaysia where he is stuck with no access to funds for so many months. 

Let my friends know how much I love them this week when tasks for family have taken priority.  Make a way for me to be all you want me to be.

give me again today your fresh touch and your fresh word (for your mercy is NEW every morning (Isaiah), and yet, you never change, for “great is your faithfulness (Isaiah).

Help me to honor my family first, and yet bring hope to the world in the message of your life and light.

I love you, Lord.

~Me